Red flag

[Anne5645]

Hello! Sorry for the long post.
So I have been talking to this guy we are both 32 for a while now we have met up and got along really well! At first I wasn’t interested but the more I got to know him and how much effort he put in I have started to find him more and more attractive and really like him as a person! Problem is
first date he bought up his ex and how he helped raise her little girl but he doesn’t see the little girl anymore cause his ex just lets any man into her life I wasn’t that bothered because we had a good few drinks.
but I done what I know we should not and had a good snoop around his social media and he likes every single picture she puts on and she likes everyone of his!

but the shock I got was that they split up 7 years ago and she’s been engaged to a guy for 5 years!
also I noticed how much me and his ex look alike and all my friends said the exact same thing!
I really really like this guy but it’s worrying me how much I like him and can’t stop thinking about him I really don’t want to get hurt and I can just see something like that happening!
is it better to cut ties now rather than later down the line
being single didn’t bother me I loved it but now I feel like at 32 I’m panicking a bit and almost getting obsessed with people I date because I think I need to Seattle down in the next year or so it’s a horrible feeling and I feel so down about it all
thank you xx

Could they just be friends. It was a long time ago. Maybe he has a type? I would try not to over think it. However make sure you are attracted to him as it sounds like you aren’t to sure. It is a bit weird that she has been engaged for 5 years and he brought her up. Seems a long time ago. But maybe relevant to the conversation you were having?

Some people do have a physical "type" that they like.

My recent ex had this ex still in his life. It felt like something was just not dealt with between them. They split in 2019 and he met me 19 months after they split. We didn't get together until about 2.5 years after that split and they still were in touch. But our split was due to messages I'd found between them on his phone. It wasn't sexual but he had sent an emotional message to her the night before. It was the 3 kisses on the end of every message that got to me too. Just gave me the ick. After being tormented by their bond for 18 months I had well and truly had enough. Too much emotion was still there. She was always spying on me. She'd message him like oh I've seen she's wearing your football top. Are you still with her. She really didn't like me.

Don't stay with someone if they are giving you bad feelings in regards to exes. I wish I had never bothered. But it could be harmless with them

It’s not a reason to call it a day. He sounds like he’s friends with his ex which isn’t always a red flag. He might also be a serial liker you do get those sorts of people who pretty much like every post that’s on FB

In terms of looks we both have size 4 feet. Brown eyes. Both around 5ft 5. Both got thick dark hair although she highlights hers. I did suspect at times him trying to make me more like her. He'd suggest different hair and clothes.

Problem is first date he bought up his ex and how he helped raise her little girl but he doesn’t see the little girl anymore cause his ex just lets any man into her life

That last sentence would concern me ever so slightly, because it's obvious that isn't representative of the truth if you say that his ex has been engaged to a guy for 5 years now. I was expecting you to say she's seeing a new guy every few weeks.

It's hard to say without being in that situation. Maybe they're just good friends. Maybe they're not friends but they're just being civil (social media friendships don't always extend into real life friendships). Maybe he has a type. Maybe he's still hung up on her.

Trust your instincts. If you feel like something is off about the situation, take a step back from him. You don't have to break things off. Just cool it down a little to stop yourself from falling for him at 100mph. When you really like someone, you tend to let more things slide. At the same time, you are also more prone to overanalyse situations as well.

Don't panic, let him take you out for a meal and enjoy his company. If he likes to watch telly sometimes then it's ok. Life begins at 40.

How long were they together and how old is the 'little girl' he helped raise?

It's weird he mentioned an ex from 7 years ago on a first date so I would assume hope it was a long relationship?

It's weird that he claimed she lets any old man into her life but has been engaged for five years and he was around long enough to help 'raise' her little girl. 🤔

Yeah there are a few massive issues that I wouldn't bother to explore as he's unlikely to be worth it.

What the fuck is he doing 'suggesting' you change your image????
Run don't walk away.

The red flag is not the ex in his life but that on a first date he said negative/derogatory things about his ex.

Even if it is true why mention it on a first date when you're supposed to be impressing someone.