So fed up

[Lostsoul91]

My children are causing a huge divide and rift in my relationship.

They are rude, make no effort to speak to anyone unless they want something. Have no respect and just think they can do what they want.

It's to the point now where we don't do anything together, his two children hate spending time with them as does my partner.

I do disapline them, but they generally don't care and it makes no difference. They miss out on parties, club's and outings because of their behaviour. It's getting to the point where we are going to split up over it. And I'm just so fed up with it all. Maybe I'm asking for advice or just venting.

How old are they op?

Do you all live together?

Is there some resentment going on?

Vent away but some more info would help with the advice.

How many do you, how are they, do you all live together, do they see their dad?

They are 8 and 11. His are 13 and 10. His come one week a night and every other weekend. We do live together.

Been together 3 years only moved in together end of December. But had plenty of sleep overs and spent a lot of time together beforehand.

This behaviour has been on going, they did see their dad up until 4 weeks ago. When he cut contact.

No idea regarding the resentment. But the rudness isn't isolated. They make no effort to speak to anyone, even a simple hi or goodbye.

You need to live apart and date

What are they like at school? Do they have friends?

Seems a bit young for what you describe as moody teenage angst behaviour.
They both sound very unhappy.

Stop forcing your sex partner into your children's lives. He's nothing to them. As pp said, live apart and date.

Why did their dad cut contact? That has probably caused resentment. The other kids have their dad, they don’t.
Is there a chance you can take them away , just you and them for a couple of days? Caravan, cottage that sort of thing. On neutral ground they might talk and tell you what the behaviour is about. You can work from there but until you know the cause you can only guess.

"Sex partner?"
They've been together three years!

There has been no forcing anyone into their lives at all. They have asked for us to live together, they have said they are happy. And as I said this isn't an isolated situation. At every step I've asked them how they feel. It's been slow moving and all the children have been allowed to make their feelings cleat.

They are like it elsewhere at their breakfast and after school club's. My 11 year old got caught out stealing from them.

8 year old seems to have friends. 11 year old is slowly being pushed out, I think due to attitude. But goes unnoticed as high achiever.

Dad has been flakey since we split 7 year's ago. This is the third time he has stopped seeing them

And absolutely not a "sex partner" three years together, and recently living together, hardly equates to a "sex partner"

How do their role models behave? Do all the adults in their life say hello, goodbye, please, thanks at all times, or is there someone who doesn't bother? It's just unusual for rudeness to arise spontaneously where everyone else is civil, courteous and considerate. Setting an appropriate example is the best way of teaching, normally...

Is your 11 year old at secondary yet? If not now is the time to understand what is going on as secondary it will escalate.

If they have had unstable relationships with their Dad that could be a factor in their behaviour. An 8 year old behaving badly for years is trying to communicate something to you.

What did the 11 year steal? How was it handled, at after school and by yourself?
Have you tried parenting courses?

Your partner is right to consider separating as it's not healthy for your children to be around people who don't care for them (he also needs to protect his children).

Maybe post on parenting as you might get better input on how to get support for them and you.

We all aways say hello, goodbye, speak politely to each other. So I'm not sure where it's come from, they can walk through the living room where we all are and not acknowledge anyone who has just arrived.

No she goes in September which is terrifying, as I said this has been a long battle which doesn't seem to be changing.

She stole toy's, another child told on her and it was found in her pocket. They did speak to her about it. I spoke to her and she was very unphased by it, just said she took it because she wanted to show people at school. Didn't really see the problem in it. She very much doesn't care and thinks she can do what she wants and any sanction she's unphased by.

8 year old is more receptive but seems to follow 11 year old lead which isn't great

Get to the root cause of why they are behaving like that. Work with a psychologist.