I'm a hormonal 48 year old woman who has been with her partner for 14 years.
We have been through a lot, mainly issues with his 4 kids and ex wife. The kids have now grown up and without the constant stress and work of 5 kids (1 is my own), I feel we have nothing to talk about.
If I do talk about myself, he doesn't really engage with me. One sentence at the most before he changes the subject. We talk a lot about his work and I ask questions and show an interest.
I'm depressed and have been trying lots of ways to manage it over the last year, including HRT, counselling and a healthy lifestyle. He knows this and has never once asked how I'm feeling or if I want to talk. I have, however, had several "chats" where I am told I'm not affectionate enough and only with him for his money (this is not true on either account). I have counted the times he is affectionate towards me over a year since he said it then and for every time I show affection is ten times more than him. I am financially secure so I literally have no idea where the money comment came from.
I do all the housework, life admin, gardening etc. he washes up and puts some of the recycling out. I asked him not to wake me at 5am (he knows I am struggling with insomnia) to put the glass recycling out and he told me to "do it myself then" so I do that bit too.
His dad has never really acknowledged his achievements and I feel my everyday life is him ignoring me like his dad does to him. For example, I make a cake, he walks in says "hmm cake" eats some but then doesn't make any comment. I'll tell him I've spent four hours in the garden and tell him what I've done and he'll simply ignore me. If I organise a night out and know where to go, what time etc, he will ignore me and tell me to go x way or Z way rather than listen to me. This has resulted in me really trying to ram the point home over things because it's only natural to want a reaction. Sometimes I literally don't know if he's heard me.
The other thing is that he gets stressed and anxious when we go out to somewhere new (holidays have been an issue) and this is where the ignoring becomes nasty snappiness. He made a decision over a bus on a foreign holiday once which meant we ended up walking for miles. I have had similar with friends on holiday and we have laughed and remembered with fondness our "escapades" but with him he turns nasty, accuses me of getting it wrong (I just went with what he wanted) and at best won't talk to me and at worst snaps nastily at me. After 14 years I am starting to feel anxiety about going out with him and starting to make excuses which I'm sure he sees as proof of my disinterest in him.
I am toying with the idea of trying to talk to him but I am too frightened of his reaction, not because he'll shout and swear or call me names like you often read on here, but because he will use it as a chance to list all my failings and faults (most of which will be fabricated) and I will become incensed at the injustice of it. So I keep quiet. I feel that my choices are to stay depressed or talk to him and get more depressed.
I feel so lonely. I only make small talk with other people too. I work from home part time so sometimes he's the only person I see. I smile and ask everyone else about themselves but just feel empty inside.