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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He says such awful

22 replies

amiwrong97 · 14/05/2022 00:37

Things during arguments, then says I should forget them.

I can't, those things came from somewhere

They live with me forever and he says I'm wrong.

Am I?.

OP posts:
AmbushedByCake1 · 14/05/2022 00:38

Of course not. What sort of things does he say?

Original poster
amiwrong97 · 14/05/2022 00:41

AmbushedByCake1 · 14/05/2022 00:38

Of course not. What sort of things does he say?

I'm fat (I am)

I'm ugly (am i?)

I'm dirty (I'm not, my only sexual relationship before him was when I was abused as a child)

OP posts:
PeachesToday · 14/05/2022 00:42

He’s abusing you my love. Please get out of there for peace of mind above all else x

Tiredandfedup22 · 14/05/2022 00:42

Leave, it won't get better and you won't feel better.

DramaAlpaca · 14/05/2022 00:44

You are not wrong.

That, my dear, is abuse. It won't get any better. You are worth more than this. Decent men don't verbally abuse you, even in an argument.

Original poster
amiwrong97 · 14/05/2022 00:45

PeachesToday · 14/05/2022 00:42

He’s abusing you my love. Please get out of there for peace of mind above all else x

It all goes round and round in my mind! It's so hard to clear and move on.

OP posts:
ElenaSt · 14/05/2022 00:52

An argument is disagreeing with someone's opinion or actions. Insults and name calling is abuse.

fallfallfall · 14/05/2022 00:56

it's abuse. you need to free yourself of this idiot who clearly does not know you. i'm sure you are a beautiful person regardless of your weight, you're not ugly. and in this day and age of showers no one is dirty.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 14/05/2022 00:58

No you're not wrong. If he cared for you, he wouldn't even think such things, let alone spew them out in an argument. Love yourself. Let him go. You deserve better x

Kat1953 · 14/05/2022 01:05

ElenaSt · 14/05/2022 00:52

An argument is disagreeing with someone's opinion or actions. Insults and name calling is abuse.

This.

What do you argue about, op? And what is he like when you're not arguing?

DeskInUse · 14/05/2022 19:56

What vile things to say, you can't un hear these things . It would be a game changer for me

DogsAndGin · 14/05/2022 20:11

Oh leave him! For God’s sake. Expect better

CrystalCoco · 14/05/2022 21:10

Nope, not on. I had an ex like this, absolutely awful, it seemed like he was trying to destroy my self-esteem with the awful things he would say.

H and I argue but it's always specific, there's never any hurtful name calling - our relationship is dysfunctional in plenty of other ways I might add, but I wouldn't stand for that abuse again having been through it before.

GrazingSheep · 14/05/2022 21:14

Can you leave? Are you dependent on him financially?

thistimelastweek · 14/05/2022 21:18

Verbal abuse is a form of violence. And it's intended to hurt.
He's shown that he is capable of cruelty. That's who he is. A cruel person.

purpleme12 · 14/05/2022 21:23

That's what mine used to say

FT96 · 14/05/2022 21:25

I agree with others, please get out of this relationship. You deserve so much more. Argument or not, that's not what a relationship should be like. Know your worth, because believe me your worth so much more than that.

User0ne · 14/05/2022 21:30

I've had plenty of arguments/disagreements with DH over the years (together for 15) and not once has he insulted me, called me fat or ugly or a bitch etc

What you're experiencing isn't normal behaviour. If it happened at work or school it would be bullying/harassment.

As a bare minimum you should expect your partner to treat you better than your colleagues do. If they don't then sack them

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/05/2022 21:35

How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?. This is all on him, you are not at all at fault here.

Strawberrydelight55 · 14/05/2022 22:10

I'm 5 Weeks tomorrow out of my abusive relationship. Our pattern was this.

Him: oh my ex messaged me last night

Me: oh right. Still talking to you then.

Him: yeah she's just a friend and always will be

Me: yes but last time she messaged she was being rude about me and not respecting us being together. It hurts me that you still choose her over me feeling happy.

Him: oh fuuuk off. You are always kicking off about my Ex. Just ffffuxking go. Your a c u n t. Your a little d I c k. Your pathetic. Its like your arguing with yourself. Just fukkk off home. I'm done with you. I don't want a relationship with someone trying to control me and who I'm friends with.

Trust me. They are abusers! Why the hell would you get the urge to suddenly call your partner nasty words? Arguing for a reason to put a point across is very different to nasty name calling. Dump him x

Phoenix99 · 14/05/2022 22:48

OP, if you're not sure if what he's doing is abuse then please do the Freedom course. You can do it for free at a Women's Aid refuge or online for a small fee (I did mine online). My ex used to say similar things and even after I'd left him I still thought abuse was too strong a word. The course opened my eyes to who he was and I started remembering so much stuff he'd said and done. That's what the course is designed to do. It removes the doubt abusers put into your mind. Please look into it, it could be just what you need.

LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 00:23

*They live with me forever and he says I'm wrong.

Am I?.*

No, you're not.

Would he forget them if you sayd the equivalent to him? Noooo.

He sounds like an abuser

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