Is it worth finding out why you've been excluded from a friendship group or is it not worth it?

[ToooOldForThis]

Just as the title says really...used to be in a group of work friends who did the occasional get together with kids etc out of work...I've now been sidelined and they're doing stuff without me.
I am obviously hurt and miss the company, but I'm an adult and need to just get on with it. Although I do feel incredibly sorry for my dd who used to really enjoy it and gets on well with their kids...I don't really know what to say to her when she asks.
Anyway, is it ever worth finding out what I've done wrong? Or is that a can of worms best left unopened?

I'm sorry to read that others have been through this. I liked the advice above about reframing it them.

There will be some queen bee flapping her wings. You very likely have not done anything wrong at all, but once some powerful member of the group has decided against you, anything and everything you do will be seen as some minor crime. Don't ask them about it. Carry on as if nothing has happened and as if you don't care. See if over time you can salvage some one to one friendships. Be happy, be friendly, make new friends elsewhere - the best revenge is living well.

If your old friendship group are having a suitably juvenile 'group huddle' without you then just smirk and keep walking.

As has been said, the Queen Bee has decided who's in and who's out. Not the behaviour of friends is it ? So, therefore not your friends.

My attitude to people who do this is, 'you don't get to pick sides, you don't get to choose the game, you don't get to say what the rules are and you don't get to act as referee.'

Some people never really leave the school playground. It's probably a race to the bottom anyway.

I suspect they will all have fallen out with each other before long anyway. It's already started by excluding someone who, as far as they are concerned, doesn't fit in. There is no real reason, just petty snobbishness.

Sod the lot of 'em !

No matter what these other women think of you, please know that you are worthy of friendship and love. Isolating a group member with no explanation is a sign of weakness from the whole group - it truly is their loss.

I too have been ostracised by other women in my time and it is usually people who are unhappy with their own lives who are unkind to others.

This will sting but there are other friends out there who will value you and not abandon you. These are not your people.

The best is yet to come 🌞

I've had this a couple of times. On neither occasion was it anything I had done.

1. I didn't bow down to the authority of the group Queen Bee and she didn't like me as a result. One of the other women told me that she kept saying she didn't trust me. What she meant was she didn't have me on a short leash like she did the others so I was an unknown quantity. She also set out to destroy my reputation with the intention of ensuring she'd never bump into me socially again. Largely, I think, so that I wouldn't be able to tell people what she was like. I had a very exciting year that year I can tell you - the number of married men I slept with was eye watering for a start..! 😉

2. With another friendship group, I started dating someone who gave me a higher social status than one of the women in the group (in her eyes). Until that point, she had considered herself to he the top of the tree. She didn't like it. I was comprehensively sidelined...

In my experience, if it was actually something you had done, you'd be aware of it. Very few people so lacking in self awareness that they wouldn't know or at least have an inkling.

Whilst it was stressful the first time (I hadn't slept with any married men for a start!), once I'd got over it, it actually gave me a real confidence boost that people felt threatened by me 🤷🏻‍♀️