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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm stuck - please help!

18 replies

SpikeyHatePotato · 13/05/2022 22:06

I need to get away for a few days, DH is doing my head in and I really need some space. I just don't feel comfortable leaving DD with him, and I can't take her out of school. It's two weeks til half term and that feels like the longest two weeks ever. Plus I feel like everywhere will be booked for half term or really expensive.
Yes, I can hear all the excuses I'm making, hence the thread - I need a (gentle) kick up the arse please - or a head wobble if that feels more appropriate !

OP posts:
Gettingthingsdone777 · 13/05/2022 22:09

SpikeyHatePotato · 13/05/2022 22:06

I need to get away for a few days, DH is doing my head in and I really need some space. I just don't feel comfortable leaving DD with him, and I can't take her out of school. It's two weeks til half term and that feels like the longest two weeks ever. Plus I feel like everywhere will be booked for half term or really expensive.
Yes, I can hear all the excuses I'm making, hence the thread - I need a (gentle) kick up the arse please - or a head wobble if that feels more appropriate !

Why aren’t you comfortable with leaving DD with him?

SpikeyHatePotato · 13/05/2022 22:12

She is displaying some challenging behaviour at the moment (am working on this with the school), and requires an infinite amount of patience. DH is decidedly lacking in patience at the moment, and I'm worried that they will just end up arguing while I'm away, and he won't be able to get her to go to school.

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 13/05/2022 22:15

What’s troubling you at the moment OP? Do you feel comfortable enough telling us on here. Or is it more of a lot of stuff building up and you need a break from life?

SpikeyHatePotato · 13/05/2022 22:21

At this point I don't even know, I feel like I have no space or time to even think

OP posts:
Gettingthingsdone777 · 13/05/2022 22:25

Feel free to ignore if you don’t want to get into it! But, when you say your DH is lacking patience is that what’s bothering you most? Sounds like your feeling pretty anxious

SpikeyHatePotato · 13/05/2022 22:40

He has recently gone from good humoured with an occasional grumpy day (as most people have) to mostly grumpy with the occasional angry day. Whilst he has never ever given me any reason to think he would hurt me or DD, it is resurfacing feelings I had from an old relationship and I can’t work out how to separate the feelings, or if I even should be separating them or what to think. And I’m angry because one of the reasons I fell in love with him and married him, is that he made me feel safe after my last relationship - and now I don’t know how to feel.

OP posts:
CherrySocks · 13/05/2022 22:50

Does it have to be somewhere overnight? Might it help to take yourself off for a daytrip (or a series of daytrips) with a notebook, and sit in some cafes / gardens etc and write it all out in a journal?

Gettingthingsdone777 · 13/05/2022 22:52

Ah yeah that’s a tough one, I really feel for you- bad relationships leave their mark and when you see some of the signs it’s hard to know: do I use my experience to know these are bad signs and shut things down quickly or am I overreacting because of previous bad experiences and so I need to relax a bit. How does his anger manifest? Is he disrespectful? Is his anger scary at all to you? Sending you big hugs

SpikeyHatePotato · 13/05/2022 23:12

I need more than a day trip, for sure.

he’s never been angry at me, it’s inanimate objects that get the brunt of it, slamming doors, banging his fist on the desk, swearing at the laptop or whatever.

but recently he’s got angry in the car a couple of times because someone cut him up and he was swearing and his driving became erratic (and we had DD in the car), and then this week he was just so pissed off with whatever he was trying to do that wasn’t working and he was really shouting and swearing and banging on the desk - I wasn’t even in the room but I’ve never heard him that angry and it did scare me and DD.

he absolutely knows I am really upset and I told him he scared me and he said he is sorry, but it has really shaken me (due to previous experience with ex) and I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 13/05/2022 23:26

but recently he’s got angry in the car a couple of times because someone cut him up and he was swearing and his driving became erratic (and we had DD in the car)

Totally unacceptable and dangerous!

Could something be going on with him mentally? Work induced stress? Anxiety or depression? Men are good are hiding mental health issues, as they see it as a sign of weakness and more often then not it all manifests as anger. Definitely does not make it okay for him to lose it in the car though.

Are you able to have a sit down calm chat with him? Don’t interrogate him, but just ask if everything is OK as you’re concerned for him.
Could you get a babysitter and arrange a date night?

But completely understand your need to escape it all. Baby steps at first. You need “me-time” and self care. Take a long hot bath and just chill. Take yourself out for the day while your daughters at school. Book a weekend away. Do what you need to do OP.

SpikeyHatePotato · 13/05/2022 23:37

we have spoken about it, he has a long list of stuff that is contribution to stress/depression, including a long term health condition that is currently in remission, which is why I’ve probably cut him too much slack, and not raised this with him sooner.
He’s kind of stuck in his own rut and not doing enough to get himself out of it and I’m just so done with having to be okay, and pick up all the house stuff and be on point for everything that’s going on with DD because he’s just too tired/stressed/ill to deal with it.
I know that sounds like I’m a cold unfeeling bitch but Im just empty. I’ve been putting one foot in front of the other for so long and now I don’t even know where I am anymore

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/05/2022 23:55

His mental health doesn't trump yours OP.

I have bipolar and proactively got therapy, medication and taken responsibility for my mental health rather than expecting other people to regulate by behaviour.

As a result I am stable and don't negatively impact those I love. I may have a flare up in future, who knows, but if I did it would not mean that my loved ones were obliged to sacrifice their own mental health and wellbeing as a result.

Especially if kids were involved.

Driving erratically is not only a worrying escalation, it's selfish as fuck and so dangerous.

It's very telling that he is causing so much tension, anxiety and now making your home and car unsafe spaces emotionally (and physically in the case of the car) and yet you are the one assuming you would have to temporarily leave the family home.

Is there anywhere he can stay for a week or two to give him a change of scene and change to reflect, while giving you and DD the opportunity to relax and enjoy your safe space again without her feeling displaced or dismissed?

Flowers
FlissyPaps · 14/05/2022 00:04

It doesn’t make you a cold unfeeling bitch. Quite the opposite it seems. You’ve been there for him, taken on all the house responsibilties & looking after your daughter who’s going through a challenging time. His recent behaviour and anger has obviously taken its toll on you. You’re understandably exhausted💐

I’d suggest for him to speak to his GP. You can only do so much OP. He probably needs some more professional help or therapy.

& if you feel like you need help or support then please reach out. Wether that’s to your GP, a family member or trusted friend. You’re human, not a robot or superhero. Life’s fucking shit, and hard. Please don’t bottle up how you’re feeling.

Do you have a family member that would be able to look after your DD if you do decide for a little break away. There’s no shame in asking, as it’s evident leaving her home with your H isn’t an option if they’re going to clash due to their own ongoing issues right now.

Gettingthingsdone777 · 14/05/2022 00:04

Okay, that is scary, I can see why you would be upset. You are the expert on this really, expertise hard won by the sounds of it. The first thing is to say- if you are scared for you and/or your daughter, don’t hesitate to leave the situation calmly but swiftly. You don’t need to do anything too sudden but sounds like a bit of tlc for yourself will be good- even if it’s just this weekend- at a spa at a hotel with your daughter, then you can maybe think where you will go from there.

In terms of assessing if you’re in danger of escalation of the situation- ask yourself: does he disrespect your opinions generally? Does he belittle or humiliate you ever? Does he call you names? Is he ever physically threatening towards you? (thrown anything at you even- broke any of your possessions)
if the answer is yes to any of these then I recommend you at least talk it through with a Domestic abuse org they will help you clear your head a bit or will at least help you find someone to talk with more locally (they also have an online chat function which could be nice and discrete) for example https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ this is 24 hours. Safety is the priority trust your thoughts and your instincts!

If the answer is no to these questions, then there might be softer approaches you could take to lowering his defences and having him treat you with the love and respect you need. (I’ve tried all theses and they worked for me- so they might work for you)

The first approach is to really properly focus on yourself and making yourself happy is any ways big or small that you can, whatever usually cheers you up do that. Do these little acts of self kindness everyday over the next 10 days, reading, meeting with friends, watching something you like on your own, painting- whatever you like- be selfish. It sounds a bit simple minded but honestly it will help give you some perspective and it might take the pressure off the relationship a bit- it’s not bringing you joy- that’s okay, something else can do that for now. You can set an example of how you want to be treated by treating yourself that way first.

Next- I know it might be hard at the moment but try to notice when he does something, anything, nice for your and your daughter and show appreciation for it (without any “I wish you could be this way all the time…” just a pure “that’s great, thank you” vibe). This will reinforce the good and make the good behaviour more rewarding for him- if he feels like he can’t get anything right he might give up trying.

Along those lines- if he does something grumpy or angry, you could always try this line “are you okay? That’s not like you to… (lose your temper, get upset, shout)” . Now, this is a little bit of a white lie maybe- it might be exactly like him to do whatever he’s doing- but I think you might be amazed at how quick he is to agree “it’s not like him”. Have done this with a couple of people, it reminds them they are good, and people like to be good generally.

When he hurts or upsets you- tell him immediately, don’t explain why just say something like “aw that hurts!” Or something more natural, he might just immediately say sorry and if he does just accept the apology graciously, if he doesn’t just try to resist the urge to get angry back and even try to be a bit light hearted about it and just keep saying it hurts or similar.

Don’t know if these will work in your situation, I got these from a super, super, traditional relationship guru type (Laura Doyle- she has a podcast- it’s definitely different to most relationship advice) but honestly I’ve found they can really work- and fast, IF there’s no abusive intention there.

I think your impulse for headspace sounds like the right one, so try to make it happen asap but also try to keep it light as you can with him. He really is acting out of order, it’s not you it is him, but he might be also freaking out that he’s already ruined everything because he knows your past history. Good luck!

SpikeyHatePotato · 14/05/2022 00:28

Thank you so much for all your kind words. I honestly don’t feel we are in danger, I would have definitely packed and gone with DD if I thought that, just the shock of it all has really freaked me out.
After my ex, every little noise used to make me jump, and I guess I’d finally got used to feeling safe and chill and now it’s brought all lot of stuff up I thought I was over and maybe I’m not.
I have a few commitments that it would be difficult to reschedule, including meetings with the school about DD, but as soon as they are done I am going to go away for a couple of days. My mum has offered to have DD so she won’t even know I’m also away. I think it would do us all good to have a few days to think about what happens now because I can’t carry on like this something needs to change.
sorry i haven’t been quoting/replying directly but really do appreciate each of your comments.
thank you

OP posts:
Gettingthingsdone777 · 19/05/2022 17:54

SpikeyHatePotato · 14/05/2022 00:28

Thank you so much for all your kind words. I honestly don’t feel we are in danger, I would have definitely packed and gone with DD if I thought that, just the shock of it all has really freaked me out.
After my ex, every little noise used to make me jump, and I guess I’d finally got used to feeling safe and chill and now it’s brought all lot of stuff up I thought I was over and maybe I’m not.
I have a few commitments that it would be difficult to reschedule, including meetings with the school about DD, but as soon as they are done I am going to go away for a couple of days. My mum has offered to have DD so she won’t even know I’m also away. I think it would do us all good to have a few days to think about what happens now because I can’t carry on like this something needs to change.
sorry i haven’t been quoting/replying directly but really do appreciate each of your comments.
thank you

@SpikeyHatePotato how are you getting on? Any improvement? Did anything you try help? Hope all is good

SpikeyHatePotato · 19/05/2022 18:30

Ah thank you for thinking of me. I have had a tough week with DD and had to change all her wraparound care, which has been stressful, and expensive, and required time off work at basically zero notice. Luckily work have been v understanding.

I have booked a couple of days away this weekend just to get some space. DH was quite upset that I was going and asked me several times if I was planning to come back.

He has been very quiet, and alternating between distant/distracted and overly attentive. He knows I’m really upset about what happened and isn’t quite sure what to do with himself. I’m hoping he is doing some serious thinking too.

OP posts:
Gettingthingsdone777 · 19/05/2022 18:39

Sorry to hear things have been stressful with your DD, but glad you’re still planning to take some time to yourself. From what you’ve said it sounds like your DH is basically a good guy so hopefully the space gives him some time to think things through as well, and maybe start upping his game. Hope you have fun/calm on your break!

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