Okay, that is scary, I can see why you would be upset. You are the expert on this really, expertise hard won by the sounds of it. The first thing is to say- if you are scared for you and/or your daughter, don’t hesitate to leave the situation calmly but swiftly. You don’t need to do anything too sudden but sounds like a bit of tlc for yourself will be good- even if it’s just this weekend- at a spa at a hotel with your daughter, then you can maybe think where you will go from there.
In terms of assessing if you’re in danger of escalation of the situation- ask yourself: does he disrespect your opinions generally? Does he belittle or humiliate you ever? Does he call you names? Is he ever physically threatening towards you? (thrown anything at you even- broke any of your possessions)
if the answer is yes to any of these then I recommend you at least talk it through with a Domestic abuse org they will help you clear your head a bit or will at least help you find someone to talk with more locally (they also have an online chat function which could be nice and discrete) for example https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ this is 24 hours. Safety is the priority trust your thoughts and your instincts!
If the answer is no to these questions, then there might be softer approaches you could take to lowering his defences and having him treat you with the love and respect you need. (I’ve tried all theses and they worked for me- so they might work for you)
The first approach is to really properly focus on yourself and making yourself happy is any ways big or small that you can, whatever usually cheers you up do that. Do these little acts of self kindness everyday over the next 10 days, reading, meeting with friends, watching something you like on your own, painting- whatever you like- be selfish. It sounds a bit simple minded but honestly it will help give you some perspective and it might take the pressure off the relationship a bit- it’s not bringing you joy- that’s okay, something else can do that for now. You can set an example of how you want to be treated by treating yourself that way first.
Next- I know it might be hard at the moment but try to notice when he does something, anything, nice for your and your daughter and show appreciation for it (without any “I wish you could be this way all the time…” just a pure “that’s great, thank you” vibe). This will reinforce the good and make the good behaviour more rewarding for him- if he feels like he can’t get anything right he might give up trying.
Along those lines- if he does something grumpy or angry, you could always try this line “are you okay? That’s not like you to… (lose your temper, get upset, shout)” . Now, this is a little bit of a white lie maybe- it might be exactly like him to do whatever he’s doing- but I think you might be amazed at how quick he is to agree “it’s not like him”. Have done this with a couple of people, it reminds them they are good, and people like to be good generally.
When he hurts or upsets you- tell him immediately, don’t explain why just say something like “aw that hurts!” Or something more natural, he might just immediately say sorry and if he does just accept the apology graciously, if he doesn’t just try to resist the urge to get angry back and even try to be a bit light hearted about it and just keep saying it hurts or similar.
Don’t know if these will work in your situation, I got these from a super, super, traditional relationship guru type (Laura Doyle- she has a podcast- it’s definitely different to most relationship advice) but honestly I’ve found they can really work- and fast, IF there’s no abusive intention there.
I think your impulse for headspace sounds like the right one, so try to make it happen asap but also try to keep it light as you can with him. He really is acting out of order, it’s not you it is him, but he might be also freaking out that he’s already ruined everything because he knows your past history. Good luck!