Saying my responses as over the top..

[Cantspeakpublic]

I get this a lot and I don’t know how to respond of deal with it. When I respond I often get eye rolls and I have explained why I feel how I feel or have asked for dh to understand how I feel I get “ I think you are over reacting .. you are being over the top”
I really don’t think I am

Control. He’s slapping you down.

I have said that that is from his perspective but this is how x makes me feel but then I get that most people wouldn’t think that and where is my sense of humour or that I need to get a perspective on things .. I have said but it’s how I feel

Well he should go out with 'the average person' instead of you then, shouldn't he. Why did he choose you? Does he think he made a mistake? Did he think he could turn you into someone else? He needs to decide whether he actually wants to be with you or 'random generic woman', in which case he should cut himself loose and go and find her.

Try prefacing everything he says with 'it would be easier for me if...' and you'll find it makes a lot more sense.

Try prefacing everything he says with 'it would be easier for me if...' and you'll find it makes a lot more sense.

not quite sure what you mean. Him thinking everything needs to be his way?

Do other people close to you say you overreact? or just DH?

Your feelings are valid overreaction or not. He should be respectful.

No, him thinking his life would be easier if you weren't an autonomous person with needs and wishes that are different from his.

Sounds like he wants an easy life and listening to you, trying to understand, adapt to and support you, doesn't fit in with that.

I'm suggesting he's emotionally lazy, doesn't want to make any effort.

Also you say 'responses', as if you're responding to his questions. Responses to what? Why does he ask questions he's not interested in hearing answered? Or do you mean responses to actions?

Response to his actions/ things he says. No idea what anyone else thinks really.
i do t shout or scream but if I said it upset me when you xyz it’s deemed as me being over the top to feel that way

So your feeling's arnt valid?

Just how fond of him are you?

Right, because it would be easier for him if you didn't feel that way, or at least didn't say so.

What are you going to do about it?

In the end it's up to you how you respond to his actions. You don't need his permission.

I would be asking myself; does he love me? does he like me? does he really want to be with me, or just 'have a convenient wife / girlfriend'?

Then I'd ask myself the same questions about my own feelings

If I said to my DH (of 40 years) that it upset me when you did/said xy or z he would think I had taken leave of my senses and wondered why I didn't just tell him to fuck off and stop being a knob.

It's his perspective and he has a right to feel that way, just as it's your too and you also have a right to feel as you do.

It really does depend on context and is something no one outside can judge.

If you are over reacting to maybe a look or the odd word, then it's something you both need to sort out together. If he is invalidating your justified feeling then he is unreasonable

Asking people to basically take sides and validate your outlook isn't fair on your DP. Strangers on the internet are no substitute for a counsellor who would be more objective.