I FEEL SO ALONE

[Chantelle2019]

Hi guys I need some advice and what I should do... Me and my partner have been together nearly 2 years he lives 5 minutes away from me, I haven't seen him since last Saturday... do I have the right to feel alone? and not a priority?, he has been off of work since the 3rd of May all he has really done is play his ps4 and smoke weed 😔. In 11 days we have only spent about 13hours together in total. He doesn't like coming to mine because in his words he's bored and there's nothing for him to do. I messaged him Monday asking if we can have a talk and he still hasn't bothered with me. It just seems like he only comes around if its convenient for him or if he needs something. I just don't know what to think or feel can someone give me some advice please

Get that you love him but a man who smokes weed, plays computer games 24/7 and only comes round when he wants something does not sound like someone you'd want to spend the rest of your life with. In fact it sounds like your self esteem is quite low and this man is making it worse. Give your head a big old wobble because if it's like this now he probably won't magically become the partner you deserve any time soon. You honestly do deserve better & would be better off without him.

You don't love him, you love an idealised version of him.

He's a lazy slob who can't be arsed to see you. Bin him and work on having a life and some self-esteem

If you stay with this loser, you'll be alone for life. Get out!!!!

Do you not have sex often? I would have thought with some time off he'd be over for a shag regularly

Being really alone and finding a better life is better than feeling lonely in a relationship

I'm sorry but he doesn't sound like a partner to you at all. How old are you both? Does he have a very immature idea about relationships? You can do way better than this OP, including by being single.

I agree with PP in that I don't understand how you can love him. I think you are confusing other feelings for love. What is there to love about a man who smokes weed, loves his PS more than his GF, doesn't want to spend time with his GF despite have 10 days off work and he's 5 mins around the corner, ignores her messages, tells her it's boring spending time with her???

He sounds immature and not capable of a grown up relationship. And he couldn't be more clear that he isn't bothered about you.

I would seriously just stop contacting him. You gain nothing from this 'relationship' except hurt, loneliness and being made to feel not good enough.

When someone loves you (even when someone really likes you) they love spending time with you. They want to talk. They respond to your messages. They find you much more interesting than video games (!). WHen they have a few days off work they try to plan stuff with you. They make you laugh. They support you (and you them of course). WHen you find someone who really wants to be with you, you'll see the huge difference.

Single can be a really happy place. Being single is a much better place than being wth someone who really doesn't care. You deserve so much more than this 'man' (child) is capable or willing to give. Your love would be 1000 times happy and less lonely without him in it.

The balance is missing and that's my favourite word for a relationship. I have recently split from an unbalanced relationship. When you are putting in more than you are getting then you are going to eventually run out of steam. This makes you feel sad. Lonely. Not seen etc. Why doesn't he get of his ass and go for a walk? Or take you out. But also if you don't like chilling in the company of your partner and you'd rather be alone that's not good Is it? That's him saying I'd rather be alone or left to do my own thing..

Be Honest with yourself. My ex smoked weed and to he honest he was a dick. He was missing alot of nice decent qualities. I grew up around decent hard working men who were loyal in relationships and perhaps liked beer. But they had their lives in order. My ex although he worked he had this "bad boy" thing going on. Not sure if your boyfriend has? My ex lived in a poor part of town. No judgement as I live in an ex council house. He lives where they house alot of people in small flats via the council. Half the people around him smoke weed. Chill all day. Treat their girlfriends like rubbish. They have a very different way of living. I'm used to men who work all week. Do the garden. Take the kids to the park. They work and provide. I wasn't a part of the world he was in.

Ask yourself this? Are you attracted to him for the wrong reasons? He sounds awful and immature. But these men usually are. You need to consider getting him out you system if you can and aiming for someone who can be arsed to woo you.

Aw love, I understand that lonely sad feeling when you just want to be loved. Sadly it will never come from him. You really should start to work on yourself and ask why you are accepting such low standards. Maybe you didn't have positive relationship role models when you were growing up? You didn't feel supported or cared for?

That can start coming from yourself. There are lots of free resources online where you can start reading about things such as codependency, childhood emotional neglect, low self esteem, creating boundaries with people, etc.

Look up Lisa Romano on Youtube. Also Dr Ramani, Richard Grannon. I discovered these from the wise people on Mumsnet and wow have I learned so much! It's like free therapy.

Also I wouldn't recommend dating for a while until you are in a stronger place as you may attract more disappointing men in your life.

Honestly just dump this loser, just don't contact him anymore. The sadness will pass I promise.

He doesn't want to spend time with you. He prefers his weed and his Xbox. It's simple. It's your choice.

100% agree
Get rid

You may love him, Lord knows why, but he clearly doesn't feel the same way.

He doesn't work and stays indoors all day smoking and playing on his PS4. Come on OP, raise your bar

He sounds awful and does not have the making of a great BF at all. DH and I both game, he is gaming right now but we are off out for a walk in the countryside in an hour, watching the cup final this afternoon with DS and his GF and having a BBQ and then watching Eurovision together.

Plus he is a PlayStation player, console wars it’s a thing.

Oh my god! He is not your boyfriend, he is a sad stoner who is on his computer all day.
He won’t come to yours because there is nothing to do, I bet you have never been on a date, and everything you do is in his/your house because he can’t be fucked.
You would actually be so much better off deleting his number-I don’t block as it make them think you care about them, and just moving on with life, you will never see him as he never goes out.