Long read but need to talk.
I'm only 4 weeks separated from a relationship that wasn't going well. I have two young kids. I met a man 15 years older and we started a relationship. We were involved for 19 months. It was never easy with him. He had mental and physical health problems. He was awful with money and to be honest he was being pretty awful to me. He was very good at painting this perfect picture. But it was all just broken promises for the future.
He played mind games. He was unfortunately one of those men who had this need to talk to other women. He went out of his way to boast about loyalty and stuff which made him.stand out even more for it. He had let down his last girlfriend with his behaviour in terms of messaging various women. She claims he cheated. He denies it. It's hard to know. But she's also still not over the emotional side. It's been approx 3 years and they keep in touch via texts and it's really messed my head up. He shouted at me alot in the final months and my gut feelings were he was distracted. He was just spending alot of time on his phone. He was borrowing money from me and I felt in the end he was putting in 10% and I was putting in 90%
I told him it was over a month ago when he yelled at me down the phone fir the 100th time. I wasn't planning on doing it. But it slipped out. I just couldn't take anymore. His reaction was to cut me off and block me everywhere. He's playing mind games. He sent me a message to arrange paying me £600..then just didn't bother me.
He has no family or friends who see him now and most have cut all ties. But he had this male cousin 2 hours away that did stay in touch. When he started getting abusive I contacted his cousin after a particularly awful row. I was worried he'd do something stupid so I wanted a family member to keep an eye on him. He just checked in every now and then and made sure we were bothndoing OK.
When I ended it he got difficult and started playing games. So his cousin stepped in as a middle man. But he also offered my ex a chance to talk. He offered him some kind advice and told him to not make the mistake of loosing me as I seemed lovely.
He refused to communicate even through his cousin and eventually his cousin cut him off. Told him he was disgusted at his behaviour and not paying back money or having the decency to explain.
Since then his cousins pestering me to go visit him. He's getting on my nerves now. I've started therapy and I'm struggling to get over things. I still love my ex and I'm not at all interested in meeting his cousin. This week his cousins asked me to borrow £20. He's now sent me voice notes sat with one of his mates asking if I had friends to take down for his friend's when I go.
I can't think of anything worse than going to spend a couple of days in London with aload of 50 year old men.
I don't know how to discourage him. I feel he could turn on me if I push back. I have opened up to him quite abit.
What should I do?