Keep ending all old friendships, clients, angry at everyone, what is up?

[puppetcat]

Not sure if this is the right place but wasn't really sure where to post. I'm a LP and don't have a lot of support (useless ex, no local family) and am really struggling to hold it together at the moment.

I've been really hurt by some family stuff and feel like cutting some of the small family I have off. (Unable to talk about it with them just feel very abandoned, it's a complex situataion). Old friends are drifting apart, male friends have become super sexist / misogynistic, female friends are no longer local nor have time for me, and I don't fit in with my career type people any more. Not able to express myself at work, fed up of working for everyone else's benefit!! Things I want to do but no time to do it. Fed up of my job, clients etc. I do have a few people I see once in a while, but I am cutting old friends / people off left right and center for old hurts, and am confused if it's a compulsive behaviour or if it's necessary because they are toxic or if it's some kind of midlife crisis or even a reaction to the last 10 years which have in some ways been a massive shit show I have been dealing with single handedly without support?

Does anyone relate to this? Words of advice? thanks :)

Thank you all for so many interesting and helpful responses :). lots of food for thought.

@EmotionBot9to5 yeah I did suffer a lot of complex trauma throughout my 20s and 30s for which I have received a limited amount of therapy (Can't afford more at the moment). I wonder if some is linked to some CPTSD from childhood even though the CPTSD is not what I would term as severe. Then I became a LP which was unbelievably difficult. I'm not in any traumatised emotional state due to my ex (no desire to be with him now) and we are friendly although he is completely useless and hard work I'm kinda over it. I do feel like past experiences are colouring my reactions to other people to some extent but I also feel like I've been quiet and passive for so long that it's driven me a bit mad, so it's not 100% a personal reaction thing due to the older trauma. And some of it is definitely a reaction to being a single parent without any support the last few years, and the judgement you receive as a LP.

I was completely swamped with responsibility for a few years and despite crying out for occasional support from friends, nobody helped, and in the end I kind of internalised it. It felt a bit like people were like "poor you, off you go then", even some of my own family. It was hurtful the lack of understanding. I know that I can't expect much but I can probably count on one hand the times that friends helped with babysitting over the last decade.

And I think some of it is from a feminist perspective; as a LP with a useless ex, and in the midst of my family stuff, it feels like women are just there to get on and be compliant. Parents and other couples in my family have such weird dynamics of males vs female roles (e.g. women expected to pick up all the slack and men swanning about!). Males friends seem to have changed and expect the traditional 50s housewife style women roles and not understand or be able to empathise with my duties as a single parent; nor understand my financial difficulties. They breeze over it (not that I am constantly talking about it) as if I'm somehow meant to do better or be a superwoman.

(In writing all of this I do realise I have a lot of hangups but some of it is definitely situational and not all personal).

What is the workbook you mention? Is it available publically? Wondering if it would be helpful to work through. Thanks :)

Will reply more fully on my lap top but it was krist3n neff phd qnd christopher germer phd's self compassion work book

My therapist recommended it qnd it was good. I took it slowly, did one chapter 3very sat morning. Because i wanted to do the exercises, give them enough to gain the benefit, and i did. I'd normally skim read stuff and then wonder why i felt no different!

This one

Puppetcat
Thanks for your thread
I relate to your thread and have been experiencing the same.
No answers however you are not alone in feeling and acting this way 🙃

@everythingisgoingup sorry to hear you're going through it - but also maybe that should be "congratulations" - maybe we're both cutting bad stuff out of our lives that we needed to!?