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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The dying throes of a marriage?

5 replies

Portiasparty · 12/05/2022 22:39

I've posted before but Nc'd since. After a long marriage I've finally had enough of the gaslighting and lack of respect but stuck while youngest doing A levels. We haven't had 'the talk' but surely it's obvious as we don't do anything together and now I'm doing lots of things on my own.

Anyway I'd been invited to an event this weekend and asked him if he'd wanted to come weeks ago. He'd said yes, unexpectedly. I checked today and he said he was no longer coming. So far, no surprise . But what incensed me was he said, do you remember I told you? I'm almost 100% sure he didn't, not swear on my children's life sure. But more, I wouldn't have been thinking I needed to check with him sure, if he'd told me he couldn't come.

He's got form for this and I just can't believe he's still treating me with such disrespect. But in one way, it's good because it reassures me that I'm doing the right thing!

I don't know what I want from this thread, but I'm just so weary of it and I feel I've wasted so much of my life!

OP posts:
something2say · 13/05/2022 07:17

Hiya

Well, is it time now perhaps?

Stayingstrongish · 13/05/2022 07:41

Good luck, have you started thinking about how to separate?

Portiasparty · 13/05/2022 07:58

something2say · 13/05/2022 07:17

Hiya

Well, is it time now perhaps?

It is but it's only a few weeks until A levels finish. I also need to think about my other son's graduation in July. He may well kick off if I've told him by then but I don't know if I can hold on that long. I kind of want to say it ASAP; not sure if I can wait until the end of July.

He's the kind of person who doesn't want to be married to me and makes it really obvious in so many petty and unkind ways but would make it difficult for me to get out of the marriage - the gaslighting above gives you a clue. I've seen it play out thousands of times in MN threads but I didn't read MN years ago so didn't realise that was my life.

I knew it wasn't really right, but he persuaded me all the time that it was my fault and I was making his life miserable.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 13/05/2022 08:01

If you're surprised, it means that still, you don't expect him to do this sort of thing. You expect him to be decent/fair/kind etc. Have a look at why that is, because feeling that someone 'isn't really like that' is what gets people to stay in poor relationships. Your surprise could be his excuse.

KangarooKenny · 13/05/2022 08:01

Get your ducks in a row behind the scenes and see a solicitor. You’ll feel like you’re doing something at least.

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