Help me have a normal relationship!

[zestylemonx]

Hello ,

I realise I might get flamed for this.

I am a boy early 20s and I am in relationship with a lovely girl. She can't do enough for me. But it started so amazingly and I struggle that I don't havve that anymore.
When we first got together she was always telling me how lucky she got, that shes not met anyone like me, texted me a lot out of the blue, saying that she missed me, that i genuinely made her so happy and relaxed and being around me was all she wanted as i made her feel so good.

I suffer from trauma and some mental health issues and it's taken toll a little bit. Obviously now we have been together a while these things have stopped a bit . She has a hectic job and she no longer texts me all the time at work (although she used to), she doesn't text these things anymore she just talks to me normally now. I mourn the beginning a little bit and think if she wanted to before would she not wanted to now ?

I've self-sabotaged over last few weeks. I've stressed about missing the old times and that if she cared as much as before, she would text me and say the same soppy things . She says its a normal thing to happen, that we just become normal now, it doesnt need to be like that all the time, she dosnt need to say soppy things, shes just busy with work. I have become really upset, nit picking at her and always referencing old texts/old times.

She told me yesterday all of this is emotionaly draining her and she's now struggling to focus. she moaned that her free time has been taken up by talking about all this and its been a really difficult week. she's adamant that she wants us to be back to normal, that she isnt going anywhere and that she is just so tired. but i am worried i have ruined the relationship for good because she now thinks that space is healthy and a good tihng

she is now going away for 2 weeks for work and i know its only 2 weeks but i am stressing. she will be having a trip of a lifetime where the timezone will be different and i barely hear from her but, after everything thats happened this week, im now worried she will go and realise shes happier without me and i dont blame her.

she still tells me everything will be ok, she just wants me to worry less and that things will happen naturally. i know i will lose her if i carry on but i dont know how to stop obsessing over missing the beginning. can anybody help?? thank you

can anybody help ?

do you get any help for your mental health issue?
i would speak to Gp and get some help for your anxiety.
you both are young. so the realtionship can go in any direction.
you yourself need to have your own goals.
do you work?
also, most relationships become less soppy in time, thats correct.

Therapy will benefit you greatly, @zestylemonx - which is a difficult thing to consider and ask for, I know, but worth every bit of stress and effort.

There are no guarantees in relationships. All you can do is be the best version of you. You have to give her space sometimes - it can be hard, but it's important to let her be free to choose to be with you, rather than trying to make her prove herself to you constantly. Yes, it is normal for relationships to calm down over time. Wish her well on her trip and let her be free to choose what she wants. If she still wants to be with you then that's great. If she doesn't, there's nothing you could do to change that. I wish you all the best!

It’s really tough but the initial infatuation can’t stop thinking about each other bit does wear off, or has to otherwise people make themselves in the relationship.

I think that the more intense you are the more it puts pressure on the other person. That being said, there is a middle ground where you are affectionate with each other, but aren’t so intertwined. The only way you can get to that is to give her the space she needs. If you chase her and freak out about her being away it will put a dampener on her trip and she’ll resent you. If you give her space she abs the opportunity to miss you.

Getting some professional support could be helpful to help you work through your trauma.

That was meant to be people lose themselves in a relationship.

It is completely normal.

You need time away from each other to do your own thing, live your own lives and to miss each other!

PPs are right. If she changes her mind about being with you at any stage, there is nothing you can do about that but being the best version of you and someone she enjoys being with is the best way to ensure it continues. Seeking constant reassurances is the quickest way to push someone away.

It's normal for the excitement to fade a little after a while. I would get some help for your mental health issues. Give her some space or you'll push her away further. Good luck.

This is normal. Space for both parties is healthy and part of a good relationship. Can you imagine how boring it would be if you only saw each other. You need to get a grip and stop going on about this to your girlfriend, or she will leave you. If sounds like she has a lot going for her, do you have separate friends and interests as well? It sounds like you only have her, not good for you at all.