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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am so fed up with my mother judgeing my parenting skills.

8 replies

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 11/01/2008 14:33

She is such a witch at times.

I have a lovely 6yo dd who I am trying to get to understand that the world does not revolve around all the time. She's terrible for interrupting, etc.

The other week we were at my mum's and had both spent a lot of time talking to dd. Them me and my mum start having a conversation and dd is interrupting. I explain to her that she needs to wait and why doesn't she go and get xyz to play with. She starts crying saying that we're always ignoring her. I told her this wasn't true, but there are times when grown ups need to talk. Mum backed me up and said herself that dd is putting on the tears.

Last night the phone rings, I pick it up in the office - its my mum. DD comes in the room, sees I'm on the phone and starts talking. I ask her to leave the room as I know from experience that she won't stop talking. She leaves the room to find her dad and is fine. My mum didn't hear what I said so asked what was happening and I explained that I'd told dd to leave the room.

Mum immediatly has a go at me and says that I shouldn't and she's worried about the way I am with dd as dd is complaining that I don't listen to her. I was so mad, my mum knows exactly what she's like for saying that I'm not listening to her 10 minutes after I've just spent 2 hours playing with her! Mum was banging on about how "edgy" she thinks dd is and that I'm to blame. I have no idea what she means by dd being edgy. Well 5 minutes later dd wonders back in and starts talking so I ignored my mum for the next 5minutes and talked to dd. Think she was a bit peeed off then.

I wouldn't mind so much but this is the woman who used to beat me and my brother black and blue with a wooden stick when we were kids, threw a carving knife at my brother, frequently used to smash the contents of our bedrooms up and stabbed my dad! How very dare she!

OP posts:
postingatlast · 11/01/2008 15:16

it's all bollocksy projection from a mum who sounds like she was pretty unpleasant and who is probably sub-conciously trying to make amends via your DD.

You sound like a fab mum and mum's know best.

I would just say firmly to her that her comments on how you bring up for DD are wholly unwelcome and she should just stick to her role - grandma. i.e not mum!

She'll probably throw back that you are happy enough to use her to help and babysit but the two things are completely unrelated.

Sorry, not being as soft as usual, been a long Friday!

Hecate · 11/01/2008 15:19

Are you brave enough to say to her that she should watch what she says because people learn their parenting from their own parents, so if she thinks you are failing, she needs to look at her example to you?

Not that I think you are a bad parent, btw! Just something to shut her up!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/01/2008 16:11

Your Mum sounds completely toxic, she's trying to drive a wedge between you and your DD.

Do you feel obliged to continue to have a relationship with her?. Why you do have a relationship at all with her given what she did to you as a child?.

TBH you may want to read the "we took you to stately homes" thread on this Relationships page of this website; it may give you some more insight as well as support.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 11/01/2008 17:02

My mum is toxic. I don't now why I continue to talk to her - guilt I suppose that she has noone else. My dad divorced her recently, she never has friends for long, my brother hasn't spoken to her in years.

Plus my dd adoers her. We don't really use her for babysitting much, certainly don't need her for anything.....

I'm not much of a one for confrontation really. Will read that thread.

OP posts:
Viggoswife · 12/01/2008 21:54

Your Mum sounds SO like my Mum. No matter what I say I have done with my kids, fun times, activities etc she will say "Oh remember when we did that?" and tells these long stories with herself in the starring role as "Great Mother". This also a woman who beat us daily, strangled to unconciousness, threatened me with knives and never, ever came to any school event apart from Parents evening after which she would come home and beat me for any negative remarks made by my teacher.

What really makes me grind my teeth though is when DS is rude or naughty in front of her and when I try to explain to him why this is not acceptable says in a syrupy all knowing tone of voice "Oh that just how little boys are" or "Hes only 4 - I think you expecting a bit much". Lesser behaviour from myself or sibling would have resulted in severe beatings and verbal abuse. The stately homes thread is a good one and also the one before that, sorry can t remember name - something like cutting ties with my mother. I have found both very therapeutic.

ally90 · 13/01/2008 15:48

Join us!

Don't listen to your mother, she was not a good role model...you sound much nicer as a mother.

ally90 · 13/01/2008 15:50

Viggio just read your post shock as I was shocked at SKSS. Suggest you come look at thread too!

ally90 · 13/01/2008 15:50

I meant doh

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