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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ILs meaning well but offering conflicting advice to what I have heard

9 replies

Mumblesmummy · 11/01/2008 14:27

DPs cousin died last year and left behind a newborn baby so the family all chip in with his care, but mostly his nana and grandad care for him. The family's very close and so obviously when our baby is born the babies will be very very close too, he often even stays over our house. The only thing is, they're REALLY over protective of him (understandably) which has lead to DP also being very over protective and so the little lad is now quite spoilt- eg today they've just bought him his THIRD buggy (£200- he's 15 months old) because he doesn't like the other two. He's also taken to screaming to get what he wants. He stays up all night every night, still has feeds through the night, and often refuses to sleep in his cot, so sleeps in their bed. I know plenty of kids do this, and they are completely justified in being over protective after such an awful year, but I am very worried that this will get passed on to our baby- particularly as they will want to spend lots of time with our baby, and because they have such a big influence on DP. They also pass on advice and dos and don'ts to do with our baby but I want to do things my own way and I'm very intent on getting the baby into good routines, good eating habits and not being spoilt- which are not things they have focused on with theirs. They are lovely, and I do want them to be a big part of baby's life, but I don't want all the over protective spoiling advice, or these things to rub off on the baby. It's all very their way or no way as well.

What can I do to prevent this happening?

OP posts:
pukkapatch · 11/01/2008 14:30

take care of your baby yourself. let everyone know you are the mother. unlike thisbaby, yours will have a mother.

mummyofaprincess · 11/01/2008 14:33

I think the best thing to do here is to listen to what they have to say and only do small parts of there advice (the bits that you like and agree with.. )

My XPs parents tell me all the time how to bring up DD i listen smile and then do it my way.

I`m sure they will get the hint in the end!

I hope everything goes well for you, my LO is kicking away right now x

colditz · 11/01/2008 14:36

There's no point not wanting the advice.

You'll get given it anyway.

The trick is to nod and smile and then do as you please.

Mumblesmummy · 11/01/2008 14:38

Mummyofaprincess- I'd been following your thread for a few weeks, though I don't have any experience of it so I kept quiet, just wanted to say you're very brave and have done so well. You should be really proud. Glad baby's kicking away, I guess we've both got footballers on the way!!

Pukka- I think when the baby comes I'll be feeling all mummy-ish so I'll probably just say no to them and do what I want, but it bothers me that they seem to have such a big influence.

OP posts:
lulumama · 11/01/2008 14:43

I should think this is a normal reaction to a small baby being left motherless...... trying to fill the gap and make the baby feel loved every second of the day

this is your first baby, no? so you might find that actually, you want to co sleep, feed all night , not have any routine and go with the flow

there is a difference between loving your baby deeply and spoiling them, IMO

you just nod, smile and do things your way

Mumblesmummy · 11/01/2008 14:55

Colditz- sorry, i cross posted before. Hopefully DP will see I'm really trying (as I am going to try so hard to be a great mum) and so he'll let me try things my way.

I do think it's lovely that everyone gathers around him and we all totally love him to bits, he's amazing, but at 15 months they're starting to get stressy with him because he's really badly spoilt, which they admit and he just sits up and screams all night every night, and makes everyone play games with him all night- which they do for an easy life. They think they've made a rod for their own back which is true, and they also know the things they shouldn't really have done and tell me, but then 2 mins later they advise that I do it. If he throws a massive paddy, everyone gives in to what he wants straight away. It's all so confusing.

I think I will do the nod and smile thing though I've got to say some advice is crazy- like rub butter all over baby's nose before bed so that they can breathe well... surely not.

OP posts:
mummyofaprincess · 11/01/2008 15:45

thank you so much

I hope everything falls into place when you have LO, i`m sure your DP will back you all they way

When are you due?

Mumblesmummy · 12/01/2008 10:12

May 11th. It's coming round fast now xmas has gone! When are you due?

I'm sure DP will back me as he generally does, I was just on one yesterday because they'd been irritating me allllllllllll day. I'm sure there'll be plenty of days like that to come

OP posts:
mummyofaprincess · 12/01/2008 20:59

i`ve due the 9th of april thanks for asking.

I know the feeling about its coming round fast, i haven`t got much stuff in yet doing it weekly now though, just bits at a time

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