Why do I keep questioning my relationship

[Clarebear89]

I worry my boyfriend isn’t as into me as he acts. I know I’m paranoid after some terrible relationships in the past so I guess I’m always protecting myself. Everything is perfect when we’re together and we have great times and experiences. When he goes back home I start to overthink everything that happened and worry it isn’t real (we live 40 minutes apart as his home came with his job that he’s currently training with) so we see each other weekly.
we spoke about future plans and how we’d like to live together one day and eventually marry, but I then worry it won’t happen because he changes his mind and I spend years waiting for it and run out of time to start over. I sometimes sense we’re on different pages and that he doesn’t directly want to say so as it may upset me but I know I’m anxious generally and that it may just be me trying to rush things and he’s being sensible. It’s similar to the feeling of meeting someone for the first time and getting hints they don’t like you, but I can’t explain why when he’s given no sign to show he feels the opposite of what he says.
is this just part of my anxiety? How can I stop feeling like this and patiently wait for my relationship to develop naturally? I love him and want us to work I’m just scared of being hurt

Yes, you’re definitely over-thinking things, lol. A classic anxiety pattern and ultimately self-sabotaging.

Try not to tar him with the same “rubbish” brush as past relationships and concentrate on enjoying the good things you have with him now. Nobody can predict the future but everyone can talk about their future hopes and aims. Also, future hopes and aims can change for everyone. You might decide he’s not the one for you rather than assuming it’ll be him making that decision.

CBT is really good for this sort of “overthinking” thing.

Take a deep breath and concentrate on enjoying what's good about your relationship "right now" rather than stressing about what could potentially be bad in the relationship in the future.

When you say 'run out of time to start over'...the fact is op, we all start over multiple times in our lives. He is unlikely to be with you until you die. The best you can hope for is that he is Mr right- for the time being.

Right now it's good. So why worry?

Unless this is a 'I've always wanted children and I've only a limited time to do it in' scenario. But I mean, still, hakuna matata. No sense worrying yourself when things seem to be perfectly fine atm.

Thank you
i know it’s silly but my gut is always making me think the worse and assume he’ll go off me. Plus I have 2 older children who don’t see their dad so alone time is far and few between which makes it much harder to have a ‘real relationship’ like spontaneous dates etc. I guess I’m just always waiting for him to find a better option

Has he stated that he'd like his own biological children? If so, and you aren't able/ don't want to have more, then he could see you as a "good enough for now" girlfriend and doesn't see you as a very long term potential.

It all depends how and what was discussed. Nd people are allowed to change their minds too.

Theres a few skills i learned through therapy that might help.

Fact checking. Is there any evidence to support the feeling? List out any evidence.

Imagine your fear is right and picture the very worst possible outcome. Then imagine how you'd actually cope with it

Also sounds like your assumption is based on quite a low self-worth. I think building your self esteem will help.

Stop thinking about whether he'll go off you, you might go off him! Make a list of the pro's and con's about this relationship and see if he's really ticking all your boxes. When I first started OLD, I was worrying more about whether they like me than whether I liked them, ridiculous isn't it. You could take a step back and stop being so available or trying so hard and see if he steps up, shows how keen he is - but then that's playing games, which I don't normally like (but it's useful to test the waters).

Are you an anxious person in general? Asking as I am not anxious at all but when I started seeing my boyfriend I felt great when he was with me but always doubted him when we were apart, despite him being great all the time.
I just had that gut feeling something was off - and I was right …