Inexperienced and dating as an adult.

[TooManyAllergies]

Sorry about the bizarre title, tried to get the main problem out of the way.

So, anyway, I have pretty much zero expirience.
Few dates through the years, but nothing physical.

I’m very shy and it takes a long time for me to warm up to people, even just platonic relationships.

And the added pressure of being embarrased of being a virgin.

I just don’t know how to go about this.
I know I’d like to get to know a man before having to worry about sex.

And at what point do I tell him I’m a virgin.
I definetly want to talk about it, because I’ve been prude and virgin shamed before and I want to know thwy are not judgemental person.

If anyone could give some advice.

I wouldn’t advise saying anything because I don’t think it’s relevant or any of anyone else’s business how many people you have or haven’t had sex with. Sex with a man isn’t exactly rocket science and everyone is different anyway in terms of what gets them off: having experience of sex with one man doesn’t mean that experience will transfer to another man and it’s far more productive just to ask a new partner what they like and learn that way.

If you really think it’s crucial a new potential boyfriend knew then it’s a conversation for a three or four dates in, when many people would expect sex to be on the cards soon, to say that you want to take things very slowly because you’ve never been in a relationship or had sexual before, and you’d like them to follow your lead on when you might be ready. Then progress based in their reaction to that.

How old are you?
I was 32 before I had sex. I told the guy about a month in. It was someone who had been a friend before.
I'd maybe stay off OLD though as most of the men on there are just looking for sex and try to meet someone through friends, through hobbies etc.

@Gudbrand

I’m 35.

And yes, I’ve heard and read all the horror stories about OLD.
Or that it’s pretty fast paced (not a judgement, just not what I’m looking for).

@ComtesseDeSpair

No, I actually want to tell, when it’s time.
Like I said, I want to know they are not judgemental or ride about it.

Also, to let them know why I’m taking things slow.

No advice from me, but you aren't alone... I'm in your position ... and I'm 40!

When I responded to this my response was in green ... same as OP's post. Anyone know why?

So you can quickly identify the OP's posts and your own.

You used to be able to change the colour so they were different but I don't know if you still can.

Thank you.

I guess it’s good to know I’m not the only one.

(I’ve had my moments were I felt like a freak)