Very unhappy | Mumsnet

Scorpio8 · 2022-05-11T04:32:52+00:00

I have a partner for 5 years and I feel so used by him. We had gone away to do something very important and when we come back I talked to him. I had confessed to things I found on his phone. He just didn't deny he chats other women online and got very nasty at one point. Which even upset me more is what he been telling everyone. He said he told a family he not on social media because of me. When he was not on because of something else. He still on another site any way . He been telling everyone stuff here and there. When he knows what he doing to make me insecure. I won't lie I am a jealous person but not stupid either. He making out to everyone that every woman he talks to I am jealous. Well it's him not even the women. I sense how he is around them. Read text message which he sent them. There's two not comfortable with. Plus these women I found on this one social media site he does go on. I know now the picture of me he trying to paint to everyone. Now he used me he going to say she jealous, insecure if we break up. That's not it he been secretly chatting the whole time to other women. I was suspicious why I looked in his phone. On this site he knows after 24hrs the conversation is deleted. I told him I sat and I knew the pattern to open phone and now changed it. So right now I am talking to other guys getting to know them. I really couldn't care what he thinks now. It's like he can go but now I need him here to help me for a few weeks. I just feel so hurt right now. I don't know how to get us both of track. I feel I will never be enough and suppose he not enough for me too. What he doing I will do. Anyone experience this?

tuliplover · 11/05/2022 05:53

Get back on track? Why would you want to? Stop playing tit for tat and break up with this person, you have no trust in him and there is no basis for a relationship.

UserError012345 · 11/05/2022 06:05

This really not a healthy relationship, please don't waste any more time trying to put it right.

He's not who you think he is or who you want him to be. Stop analysing and start exiting.

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 11/05/2022 06:50

UserError012345 · 11/05/2022 06:05

This really not a healthy relationship, please don't waste any more time trying to put it right.

He's not who you think he is or who you want him to be. Stop analysing and start exiting.

I know you both are right.

I need to be a little more clever on how I end this.

Too much here first but need him to look bad.

There's a lot to think of. Right now enjoying chatting to other guys.

OP posts:

mycatallowsmetolivehere · 11/05/2022 06:58

You've now made yourself exactly the same as him

Just end it - move on with your life and chat to whoever you want as a single woman

Why would you even want to get back on track ?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/05/2022 07:11

Two wrongs do not make a right here.

stop this tit for tat behaviour because that makes you look stupid as well as taking you down to his base level. You do not either need to be more clever in how to end this relationship.

jeaux90 · 11/05/2022 07:18

Finish it. It's a crap relationship, why would have compromised yourself so much to start with. Just walk. You'll be happier.

Bananalanacake · 11/05/2022 07:31

Do you live together, way more easier to dump him if you don't.

Watchkeys · 11/05/2022 07:51

Too much here first but need him to look bad

Why do you need him to look bad? Why do you think it's your job to make him look bad? People look how they are. If he's bad, it'll show to people, eventually. If you involve yourself in making him look bad, you will simply make yourself look bad.

Walk away. Don't blame. 'This isn't working for me', and keep your mouth shut and your head high after that. When you've been treated poorly, in this situation, silence is dignity. Why waste your time slandering him?

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 11/05/2022 09:54

He seems to think as long as I don't see him having sex with someone what he doing is okay.

I know but right now I need to get myself better from an op.

OP posts:

mycatallowsmetolivehere · 11/05/2022 20:06

Oh and just read your other threads

Please don't have a baby with this man

Please don't have a baby full stop

Pinkbonbon · 11/05/2022 21:07

Don't date him anymore. And I'm sorry op but don't date anyone else for a while either as you will probably attract more of the same because your boundaries are not wheee they need to be. Probably at least in part because of the way he has treated you.

There is also probably not a way to split up with him and not be made to look like the bad guy. Because he will badmouth you no matter what you do. But you don't keep a snake in your bed where it will continue to bite you just because you know it will try to bite you when you kick it out.

Get him gone and have done with it. People who believe his lies about you are not your friends anyway. Find your courage. And spend Time learning about abuser behaviour and learning to love yourself again before dating again.

Be aware you are signing your own drama warrant by dating now anyway as if he find out, he will tell everyone that you cheated and that's why you two split up.

Just get him.gone and take a year single. Use the time to educate yourself on spotting his kind and find some inner peace again.

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 12/05/2022 14:32

Pinkbonbon · 11/05/2022 21:07

Don't date him anymore. And I'm sorry op but don't date anyone else for a while either as you will probably attract more of the same because your boundaries are not wheee they need to be. Probably at least in part because of the way he has treated you.

There is also probably not a way to split up with him and not be made to look like the bad guy. Because he will badmouth you no matter what you do. But you don't keep a snake in your bed where it will continue to bite you just because you know it will try to bite you when you kick it out.

Get him gone and have done with it. People who believe his lies about you are not your friends anyway. Find your courage. And spend Time learning about abuser behaviour and learning to love yourself again before dating again.

Be aware you are signing your own drama warrant by dating now anyway as if he find out, he will tell everyone that you cheated and that's why you two split up.

Just get him.gone and take a year single. Use the time to educate yourself on spotting his kind and find some inner peace again.

Yes I know.

But something happened which I hope will stop him in his tracks and realize his mistake.
He generally a good guy but just don't think we are good for each other.
He been very helpful but with us it's like we more friends than a couple.
What he has said has hurt me. So yes I will continue to talk to other men. It's doesn't mean nothing. I did this when I was single and only met them face to face a year down the line.
Even if we were to break up I would take time for myself. I got so much I want to do.
But having a baby wasn't just for him I had to ask myself if I would regret not having a baby not exactly young. If this op successful with him or someone else in the future would like that option can't leave it late. He would be a good father. He a man and we know what they are like he not perfect. He likes female attention a lot but doesn't see nothing wrong in what he doing.
It maybe we will be forced to split because of something. I won't fight it too.
Based upon the way he treated me. It's life.

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 12/05/2022 14:42

Op it's not life. You don't have to accept people treating you like shit. And no, he is most ceriltainly not a good man. Nor is what he is doing a 'man' thing. Its q shitty person thing.

What he is doing is gaslighting you. It's a form of abuse where they try to convince you that their shitty behaviour (eg, flirting with other women) is not a big deal and that you are wrong to have a problem with it.

He KNOWS it is not OK. He just doesn't want you to know he knows. That's the trap. The game. The trick.

Please see it for what it is.
And manipulative, abusive wankers are not good father's. Because they are not good people.

layladomino · 12/05/2022 14:53

This isn't a 'man' thing. Most men don't do this. Most men aren't cheats. Most men don't bad mouth their OH to their families. Most men don't think it's OK to chat up other women. This is all on him not being a good partner or a decent person. Don't let him off the hook by suggesting that he's a man so he can't help it.

You deserve better. Forget any idea of making this right - it isn't possible. Stop talking to other men online - as that means you are doing what he's doing. Two wrongs don't make a right. In fact if you really want him to look bad you aren't helping yourself at all because he can just say to his family 'she did the same and talked to men online'. Stop trying to make him look bad - just tell the truth to the people who matter to you, the rest are irrelavant and it doesn't matter what they think (they will likely know what he's really like anyway).

Leave this man as soon as you can. He is a bad partner, he can't be relied on, he doesn't respect you, he is selfish and immature. Being single will be 1000 times better than being with him.

Watchkeys · 12/05/2022 15:53

He a man and we know what they are like he not perfect

Whatever you think men do, you are responsible for finding people to spend your time with who are respectful towards you. All men don't treat people the way he does. You are choosing to be treated this way, by allowing it.

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 12/05/2022 16:27

Pinkbonbon · 12/05/2022 14:42

Op it's not life. You don't have to accept people treating you like shit. And no, he is most ceriltainly not a good man. Nor is what he is doing a 'man' thing. Its q shitty person thing.

What he is doing is gaslighting you. It's a form of abuse where they try to convince you that their shitty behaviour (eg, flirting with other women) is not a big deal and that you are wrong to have a problem with it.

He KNOWS it is not OK. He just doesn't want you to know he knows. That's the trap. The game. The trick.

Please see it for what it is.
And manipulative, abusive wankers are not good father's. Because they are not good people.

But I know and got evidence.

He will suffer now.

OP posts:

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 12/05/2022 16:29

layladomino · 12/05/2022 14:53

This isn't a 'man' thing. Most men don't do this. Most men aren't cheats. Most men don't bad mouth their OH to their families. Most men don't think it's OK to chat up other women. This is all on him not being a good partner or a decent person. Don't let him off the hook by suggesting that he's a man so he can't help it.

You deserve better. Forget any idea of making this right - it isn't possible. Stop talking to other men online - as that means you are doing what he's doing. Two wrongs don't make a right. In fact if you really want him to look bad you aren't helping yourself at all because he can just say to his family 'she did the same and talked to men online'. Stop trying to make him look bad - just tell the truth to the people who matter to you, the rest are irrelavant and it doesn't matter what they think (they will likely know what he's really like anyway).

Leave this man as soon as you can. He is a bad partner, he can't be relied on, he doesn't respect you, he is selfish and immature. Being single will be 1000 times better than being with him.

I know and thank you.

OP posts:

Crazykatie · 12/05/2022 16:30

Sorry the relationship is over finish it because it will never be the same

Original poster

Scorpio8 · 14/05/2022 12:48

Crazykatie · 12/05/2022 16:30

Sorry the relationship is over finish it because it will never be the same

Looks like it's heading that way. Well it's very complicated and don't need the stress.

OP posts:

PinballWizard18 · 18/08/2022 14:51

You need to man up ad get rid of this absolute wastrel of a man.
Please don't get pregnant by him or you will be shackled for life