Cock lodging!

[mumieone]

It would be great to get other peoples stories on cock lodging as the last few years when I 'was' trying to online date or even in person I met man after man looking to cock lodge and in the end quit trying to date at all as it's such a turn off. What are you stories - let's hear and have a laugh.

Last bf lived an hour way. He had a succession of demands which rapidly led me to think using cocklodger.

1. He'd call and ask if he needed to eat before he came to visit (why can't he feed himself - I pulled him up on this). He'd sometimes say he bought one roast chicken and ate it all week in various meals - yet he was always out with a hectic social life.
2. Insist on sleeping at my place as much as he could. I'd give the sofa. Once my acceptance was tested he demanded he sleeps in my bed 'or else'. I refused because my kids shouldn't see mum having fly by night men in her bed. The odd sleepover consisted of going to bed late after the kids - him snoring all night - me telling him to leave at the crack of dawn before the kids noticed. Highly stressful.
3. Gave me an ultimatum. Either he stays over min 3 nights a week at mine or me his (he knew I wasn't able to leave kids alone) so the offer really was for him to cock lodge 3 nights a week. When I mentioned cock lodging he said he wouldn't be running up bills as i'd be cooking anyway and using same heating etc and water didn't cost much. I refused and told me he didn't love me a week later and it ended. BTW all former gf's were much more accommodating being 'British Ladies specifically' and would not only give him access but full reign of their homes, insist on paying for dates, spoil him rotten and go as far as calling in advance to ask what he wanted cooked and to drink and go and buy and prepare (basically treated him like a live in husband who was just not paying for anything). He said British gf's were amazing he could never have saved up his deposit to buy his house without one particular one he cock lodged (ermmm dated for a few years)..which he denied telling me later saying I made that story.

Another gent I met on a beach walk randomly chatting - discover we are both single and say about where we live. He quickly asked who I live with. Then he said he felt that in this day and age you HAVE TO live with someone while dating to know them properly. I though it nuts and told him it would be a bit unsafe to move in with a stranger. (He was renting with a lady 'apparently' .. I think cock lodging but seeking next donor). We had a coffee date after that meet (v brief). He said he'd thought about our living together chat and got into a heated debated about it. He text after saying we are not suited based on I don't want to live with a bf (i.e. saying that I won't accomodate him as obviously me and my kids wouldn't have been moving into his rented room'.

Dated family friend I know. After about 5 visits here ... he said 'you know I've never felt like this before it feels like home'. He said when he'd be at work and thought of going home this is where he pictured - my place. Oh he lived in room in a shared house that I was banned from ever going to because it was small and not tidy with boxes and he didn't want to be judged. But it was ok for him to visit, eat here and call it home (oh he never slept over or had sex btw - erectile dysfunction).

Another gent I dated - these are all a few years back now. Before I knew cock lodging was a thing and every mans goal. He'd come Friday spend a night. Then Friday, Saturday. Then without invitation FRiday, saturday, sunday.... I would basically do bed and breakfast and look after him like a King so of course if it wasn't for work he'd have stayed here rent free. Never invited to his as it was a room at his mums and he'd come here for peace. While I'd be his slave pandering to him he would be on his phone (chatting up his other gf in secret). He quickly said 'inside of 3 months' he was definately going to be married in the next year (and we were in December) and that I need to decide if that person he marries is me. I found out he was cheating and he got engaged march then married June to the other gf and had an extravagant ring bought for her and flew her to seychelles for their wedding and honeymoon from abroad. All the while he was cock lodging 3 nights a week saving pennies for his wedding to someone else.

Last few online dating attempts ended up in ZERO dates. Too many opening messages asking my job, do I own or rent and do my kids live with me - evaluating if I would be a suitable cock lodging target.

@mumieone , or they do the woe is me speech. Friends, now husband, claimed to be victim of domestic violence by previous girlfriend. None of his children or grandchildren want anything to do with him. He can be a total rude knob, especially to her friends, and proud of it. However, my sympathy has now run out. She wouldn't listen so what can you do?

This was the mini series with Reece Shearsmith wasn't it?

theres a documentary on it on C4 currently called ‘married to a psychopath’

I am a guy ... and probably a minor cock lodger.
If so I didn't see it till reading this thread. I would still love to see where the word came from. Was it a Viz cartoon?

Basically I lived in a temporary flat after leaving my marriage. I got on well with a neighbour who was about my age. Soon I often sat on her couch having dinner together. I was VERY frugal at the time. I had to be but I wasn't intentionally scrounging food or heat but just enjoying the company of a really decent kind and gentle person.

More Couchlodger rather than cocklodger since there was nothing romantic between us. We did at least enjoy going places for outings since I had a car a couple of times.

New things happened and we drifted apart possibly just because I was too boring🙄. I thought I was grown up then but already I can look back and think otherwise.

I am just adding this "couchlodger confession' here to ask if it is worth trying to give something to say I was grateful she was there but I couldn't see past myself at the time and didn't realise if I was an imposition. I may have just taken her warmth when I thought we were sharing it. I would have to give something that touched maybe at Christmas?

Money would be an insult. At the heart of it she would feel I that I let myself down by returning to a relationship I had left. She said as much often enough. Maybe nothing would cover it. Maybe "sorry" isn't the hardest word to say but "thank you" is.

If it is threadjacking forget it but if it is useful to have ideas of strangers on the internet pleae share them. Please hold back on condemnation. I can do that for myself. Basically some inadvertent cock lodgers may be pathetic wounded people not deliberate parasites...or just temporarily overwhelmed people. Not that that excuses it if it is bad for the host.

Agreed. It's weird.

And yes, hard to pay for it all in your own.

However, not a chance I would move in with a man again, ever. I think it's maybe brainwashing that women think they have to do this and they don't realise you can have a perfectly good long-term relationship without cohabiting? And that co-habiting inevitably makes it much harder to exit bad relationships.

I find this post really odd. If this was a friend and she was simply supporting you through a shit time and you both know that and had discussed it and it was clear, then there is no issue.

If you were behaving like you wanted a relationship with her and were spending lots of time at her house and eating her food etc then you decided to bugger off, then yes, vey defininition of cocklodging.

Which is it?

We all support friends through bad times, be they male or female. That really isn't the issue. Sometimes a friend needs more support, sometimes the other friend does. That's life.

But if a person fakes a future with someone, or pretends they see one, or acts like they fancy someone even and they don't really it's all just about convenience and "oh this would be a nice easy life for me" then that totally disrespects the other person and their need to have someone in their life that actually loves them and is absolutely shitty cocklodging behaviour.

I think it's the rapid change in what's now expected. Men are not used to running homes and think its the woman's job. Many haven't caught on to the change and dont make themselves a home, and then want to come round to our lovely homes all the time.

Mine handed his notice in at his rented room just as I picked up the keys for my new (mortgaged) house. I'd been wrangling my ex husband for 3 years so was immensely relieved to have a permanent home for me and the kids.

CL was most put out that I wasn't over the moon about him handing his notice in - "but I'm here half the week anyway, what's a few more nights?"

Needless to say his plan had been to continue to not pay any contribution to my household despite upping his 'overnights' (and consumption of gas, electric, water, food, council tax, groceries) so that he could pay his car loan off sooner, at £500 a month. He was OK about me not doing his washing though, as his mum did it just the way he liked.

I can't believe I put up with that shit at all, never mind for 4 months.

Can I suggest you avoid men who are still living with their mums or house sharing? Basically anyone who has a reason to want to cock lodge.

@Fuuuuuckit

I can't believe I put up with that shit at all, never mind for 4 months.

Could have been a lot worse! At last when another CL comes along you can nip that expectation firmly in the bud. 🌹

Really? It's been at 30 years since I went to uni with many males having to sort out domestic chores.

If you have an adult or approaching adult of any gender at home and continue to do all their domestic stuff, washing, bins etc then yes they all think the magic cleaning fairy does it.

Plus if domestic work isn't recognised as work, equally as essential as salary work, people grow thinking they are lower jobs done by less interesting people.

So perhaps finding out how much value a partner places on domestic tasks, if they recognise domestic work as equally important, if contributing to a household financially, domestically, is important to them.

You can easily ask direct questions and work out someone's expectations. If a grown male lives in a dump, there is at least one of your answers. If they never lift a finger, make you a drink because you want one even if they don't. They don't offer to empty a bin, or even a fun manly tip-run for you after you have cooked for a couple of weeks. There are your answers.

Yes I do now. And men who don't drive/with car (always been a big NO). It's unattractive to be driving your man around - you want someone you can respect a little.

Ex potential cocklodger said when online he only dated women with 'degree' on their profile as the likelihood he said of them having a decent job and being independent was usually high. Men online used to always ask me 'what do you do' most times in the first message (to check a) I do have a job or unemployed b) earning potential and try to talk about work and single parenting. If you tell them you are busy at work and have kids - GREAT TARGET. It means they don't have to make excuses to spend lots of time with you...they can come after work be fed and watered get what they want and leave without giving you much attention (all for free).