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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Terrible break up

9 replies

loupielou1 · 10/05/2022 18:48

Hi all. I spoke recently about splitting up with my fiancé having found out he had messaged a young girl and a secret baby. The week after I split with him he was telling me how he was sorry and wants to change. Offered to meet up for a chat etc. said he would get his own place to grow up and see how we get on. Obviously I kept telling him I couldn't forgive him etc but he kept being persistent. I had found out from these young girls that they met him through a "sugar daddy" dating site. They showed me his profile and messages. He had offered them money to meet him but they said they declined and found him annoying pestering them with messages and dirty pictures all the time. Now finding this out made me feel so so hurt and betrayed even more as some were dated back from months ago and some were recent. There's a huge age gap between him and these girls. It made me sick! I told him what I knew and that I didn't want to see him anymore and to get his things from my home asap. He said it was only ever messages and he never met any of them and he's tried to change but there's something wrong with him and he can't. He got his mum to get his things and god she was awful. She put the blame onto me. She said I must've made him unhappy and how he was never physical with the girls so why did it matter. Also said he never hit me etc. and how all this is causing her more stress to deal with and why have I done this - she sounded like she wanted to make me feel guilty for chucking him out. I just couldn't understand why she had to be so nasty to me. Has anyone had a similar experience or am I just extremely unlucky? is this just as bizarre to you as it is to me. It's made my mind blown

OP posts:
Gudbrand · 10/05/2022 19:25

She put the blame onto me. She said I must've made him unhappy and how he was never physical with the girls so why did it matter. Also said he never hit me etc. and how all this is causing her more stress to deal with and why have I done this - she sounded like she wanted to make me feel guilty for chucking him out. I just couldn't understand why she had to be so nasty to me

Well obviously he's spun her a line. He's not going to tell her the whole truth about the "girls".
Who had the secret baby?????
Does his Mum not know about this secret baby as she's saying he was "never physical" with the "girls".

He's vile. You've done the right thing chucking him out. His Mum can say and think what the fuck she likes. You're better off with both of them out of your life.
You know what happened. It's unacceptable to you so you chucked him out. Her opinion of you (and his) is no longer relevant.
I know it must have hurt but you know you are not to blame.
Make sure you block her and him on everything.
Get them out of your life.

billy1966 · 10/05/2022 20:25

Well done for getting rid of this sleazy waster.

She doesn't want him back at home either and was taking her upset out on you.

Completely inappropriate.

Block him and have nothing further to do with him.

He sounds like a creep.

Acheyknees · 10/05/2022 20:28

The reason she's blaming you is she's lumped with the loser now.

Windmillwhirl · 10/05/2022 20:33

The only reason nothing physical happened is because the women chose not to meet him.

He's a lying creep and his mum is probably sick already having to listen to him. Her problem now.

Don't take him back, ever. You have absolutely done the right thing so stay strong.

courtrai · 10/05/2022 20:47

Honestly my ex MIL thinks I'm the wickedest witch in the West Country and has chosen to go NC with myself and her own GC's as I had the audacity to divorce her darling, faultless son (FYIW he's a absolute knobber too).

I give no fucks! She's can think whatever she wants. Her loss. I've already picked out a spectacular funeral hat and am biding my time until I get the opportunity to wear it. Relationships with former IL's are much easier when you realise the have absolutely no bearing on your future

Veryverycalmnow · 10/05/2022 20:52

You're free from this absolute waste of space. His Mum can enable his sad little hobby all she likes now if he's moved back in. Bless. Now what are your plans moving forward OP?

altmember · 10/05/2022 21:15

Forget about mil, it's only natural for families to stick together and side with their own regardless of who's in the wrong.

loupielou1 · 10/05/2022 22:25

@Veryverycalmnow he hasn't even moved back in with mum. He's moved in with his sis and husband.
I've blocked them all. And my plan is to just get on with my life. Although feel hurt and betrayed etc and in a grieving process I guess as he was a big part of my life for many years and we was due to get married

OP posts:
loupielou1 · 10/05/2022 22:29

@Gudbrand he had a secret baby but apparently it wasn't his. I found out about this. His mum told me that because it was in his past then I didn't need to know. But if I was going to marry this man, I feel I should've known this sort of thing as it obviously hurt him in the past and made him so pushy to have a baby with me. Thank god I didn't!

OP posts:
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