After you say "I want a divorce", how to split household bills?

[Turtletunes]

We are a middle aged couple, no children at home now. I haven't worked for years so have zero income at the moment, he has a six figure salary. We own our own home with a mortgage and have a car each that both have finance on them. I have some savings I inherited that would allow me to live on for 6 - 12 months if I assumed I would pay half the mortgage and move into the spare room and buy a cheap car for cash. I couldn't afford to keep the car I currently drive that's on finance. So how do people split the bills if someone has been a SAHM and has no income, but the other person has a large income? Do I have to pay half of everything from the moment I say "I want a divorce?" I'll get a job ASAP of course, but I'll never earn enough to go halves on everything, at least not if I want to buy food as well. How does someone on a low or no income, leave a marriage to a wealthy spouse? Has anyone done it?

I think it really depends on how amicable your relationship still is.

In your situation, if you have a good relationship still, I would expect him to cover all the bills or at least split them proportionate to your incomes, which I expect would have him paying 90%+ himself.

If the relationship is bad then I see an argument for living as independent adults and thus each should pay 50-50.

You can claim Universal Credit if you are separated from your spouse, even if not living apart, although you'd need to show that you have separated your households (buying your own food, separate accounts, etc).

Oh thank you for replying. It won't be amicable, it'll be awful. He'll want to see me eating scraps out of the bin. Thanks for the information about Universal Credit, I'll look it up

If the children are all grown up, why are you still not working? I would get my cards in order before even mentioning it. Do you have a joint account? Can you start siphoning off a bit to live on? Then move out- rent a cheap room and wait for your half of the house from the sale.

I moved out and continued to pay half for the things I was 'using' eg I continued to pay my half of the mortgage and ongoing bills eg council tax, electricity, gas, water - I saw those as part and parcel of co-owning a house and necessary to keeping the house in good nick. I stopped paying phone, internet and everything else. It was easy because I moved in with my parents for a while and paid my keep rather than rent. It would have been much harder to keep contributing if I'd had to pay proper rent or another mortgage.

Could you move in with one of your kids instead? Life would be easier at least until you get your own place

I’m afraid you’ll just have to get a lower paying job and try to keep up with the bills. It will happen eventually anyway so why bother fighting it? After all your leaving him, it’s hardly likely he’s going to keep paying all of your bills as a couple when you no longer wish to be a couple with him.

I think the most important first step is to get a job, as soon as possible.

Especially if you think he will not be amicable. It's a vulnerable position to be in.

How much equity is in the house? Surely the best thing to do would be sell the house and each take a %.

Would the 6-12 months savings include rent on a small place?
With the caveat of not knowing the full picture, if you know he's going to be awful I'd move out at the same time as applying for the divorce. I'd stop paying anything to the marital home. He's more than capable of paying for everything as he has up until now. I'd let the divorce and financial settlement work out how the assets are divided.
Advice Now website has lots of useful information about divorce and division of assets.

You're married, so roughly half of what he's got is yours anyway. You don't have to pay any bills, he can't make you.
You should use the family savings to pay for a solicitor- there is no 'his savings', it's all classed as joint assets. Its what is fair, so don't fall for any crap he claims about assets being all his.

I think I'd better prioritise getting a job and consulting a solicitor. Thank you for all the replies, it really does help.

My advice is long before you intend to tell him is to find copies of all his/shared assets, such as investments and savings accounts and take photos of the info so that if he ciphons off you'd know.

Get a job. You've time to find one that meets your needs rather than just anything.

Get your ducks in a row.