Why are men like this???

[Sarahholdes]

Was dating this guy for 4 months we got on really good and of course he fed me all the lies about how I’m the one and he loves me and all this crap, did everything for me never once did a bad thing to me made me feel amazing. Then he tells me 4 months in that he needs to focus on himself & how he cares about me a lot and he will always love me and I make him happy. We spoke for a few weeks then he blocks me completely everywhere so he can work on himself. 2 weeks later i find out he’s speaking to somebody else!! I call him out on it and he starts to be aggressive and blocks me. Think it’s so disrespectful.

Why are men so horrible to people who genuinely cared and did everything for them!!

A similar thing happened to me and honestly, I don't know why they're like that. The only thing to do is give it as little headspace as possible, which is very hard. Especially when you have so many questions that will go unanswered.

It sounds like he just wasn’t feeling it anymore so ended it, which he is entitled to do

If this keeps happening then you need to look at the kind of men you're attracted to and why you go for them, as otherwise the cycle will repeat.

The player/charmer types, for example, will often do this.

Yeah it’s a horrible thing to have to experience. Just the disrespect is what gets to me the most

It's awful
I had one do it after 15 months and then I still had to work in the same office as the piece of shit

I think with internet dating, Tinder etc now there's so much choice and opportunities to speak to other people. As soon as the initial excitement starts to pass they're looking for the next one.

I had this just recently from a short relationship and was basically love bombed, he moved straight on to someone else, then 6 weeks later it didn’t work out with her either shock 🙄

Sorry but I don't think this is awful at all.

You had a short relationship. He wasn't feeling it. And he ended it.

I know it hurts but he is not obliged to be in a relationship with you. Yes he said he liked you at the start. He changed his mind and ended things.

It just sounds like the old “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse which people give when they’ve realised a new relationship isn’t really working out / you aren’t compatible but don’t want to hurt your feelings by saying so.

He broke up with you and blocked you so you couldn’t contact him; you then “call him out”, which considering he’d already been clear he didn’t want a relationship with you, was unnecessary and his new relationship none of your business - which it sounds is what he told you.

I think you’ve over invested in somebody in the early stages of dating and thought that the getting to know each other stage was more serious than it was.

He’s obviously not wanting to continue the relationship! It’s likely that he’s found someone else,

The combination of male entitlement and women desperately looking to be loved creates the perfect environment for men to be utter shitheads and women to continue to be hurt.

@Sarahholdes ....... there's a book that might be helpful to you, it's called Women Who Love Too Much. Awful title but full of useful insights.

You sound young, or somewhat naive. I would be very wary of hearing “I love you” so soon in a relationship. 4 months is no time at all. He shouldn’t have said it, but also you should have been sceptical. He’s moved on. You should too.

Sounds like he has commitment issues, declares undying love and then as soon as things might get more serious moves on to the next victim. No doubt he's declared undying love to them as well and will again bail in a few months time.

I can't really see what he's done badly here to be honest. I doubt people would see any problem if a woman had called off a relationship after four months, tried to be nice about it, but then the ex was 'calling her out' for dating someone new.

Anyone can end a relationship for whatever reason they want, he ended it with you he didn’t just ghost you, there is another thread on here where posters are advising a woman to dump someone and “block him immediately” so why is this any different.

I'm not really sure what the problem is here. I'm especially not sure what this has to do with 'male entitlement' - sounds like the opposite if anything!

I think that rather than using a blanket prejudice, it would be wise to realise that lots of people in general are like this, and lots of them aren't.

When you realise that that's just how the world is, and stop idealising people, you'll start seeing signs more clearly of people who might be likely to hurt you (like 'I'll always love you' after a few months, and I suspect there's many more, given that you've told us one already, within a paragraph), and then you'll be able to look after yourself better.

It's not 'why are men like this??' it's 'How can I avoid letting people like this in so far that they can really hurt me?'

Learn a lesson here It hurts, I know, but you can massively minimise the risk of it happening again (with relationships/friends) by recognising your responsibility here, and amending the way you get close to people.

@fedup078 how did you get through it please? I'm in the same situation and it's so draining. Pm me if you like.

Male entitlement to variety. Why commit when there's another option to try, then another, then another. Sweet shop mentality.

Not to minimize your feelings, but at least it happened only 4 months in. I had one that did this almost 3 years in. But found out he'd lost interest about 9 months in, wish I'd known it then as it would've been less heartbreaking and I wouldn't have loss the extra years with him.

Google search for "narcissistic discard" and "narcissist love bombing". THerein lies all the answers you seek. You'll end up wiser and recognize this crappy game once they get started so you can immediately shut it down.

Frankly, I think it’s an attitude to relationships which would serve many women better. There are endless threads and posts on this site from women years deep into relationships which aren’t making them happy where they acknowledge that they knew from relatively early on that they weren’t totally compatible with their OH or never really fancied him, but thought they could get past it because he was nice / were scared of being alone and thought he’d do / didn’t want to hurt his feelings by breaking up with him. Nobody is owed a relationship, and nobody should feel they have to settle and commit to somebody they aren’t sure about, and god knows more women could do with understanding that.

I think you're right its a problem, however, in fairness, I'm not sure if its exclusive to men. there is literally a thread near the top of this board, right now, where the OP admits she kept finishing with dates because she was always tempted by something new on OLD and now is amazed to discover coming off them has lead to a much better - and so far, longer lasting, relationship.

I do think men, unlike women, are more inclined to have sex with someone before they move on though.