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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it worth me getting in touch with her?

5 replies

Usy777 · 09/05/2022 22:51

8 years ago I broke up from a relationship that I was in for 3 years with a girl who I was madly in love with, things were going well but I noticed she slowly started to lose interest so when we talked about it we decided to break up as things were fizzing out. We did stay in touch afterwards and around 8 months later she starting being close to me again but then I saw her with another guy and asked her what's going on, she then said that she moved on and didn't know how to tell me. I was annoyed that she was being close to me and that she moved on and the same time.

So I stopped talking to her although I still kept her number and on social media, fast forward 2 years later the guy that she was with ended up cheating on her. I only knew because she always seemed down when posting on social media so I asked her if she's okay, after that she seemed like she had really changed and she even apologised to me for the way she left and she even asked why I didn't hate her for moving on the way she did. I explained to her that I was hurt but it's hard to hate someone who gave you a lot to remember.

She started being close to me again but a few months later I asked her if anything would ever happen between us, she immediately shut me down and said no and then she denied being close to me before that so at that point i said I no longer want to be in touch with her as I feel like I'm never going to move on while I'm around
her because I still had feelings for her and wanted to move on, she said that's its heartbreaking that it's come to this but she completely understand my need to move on and so she wished me will and we went our separate ways.

She did add me on social media 3 years after we lost touch but I removed her after a few days as I tried to stay away from her as I was still healing, I then found out she got engaged around 6 months after that. In that time I was in another relationship which turned toxic so I left that and now I'm single. My ex however (my first love) did end up getting married but now I have found out she has got divorced recently about 6 months ago I think.

I am guessing she's single now if the divorce is fresh, I know its a long shot but she was my first love and I never really forgot about her, even though we haven't been in touch for years do you think there could still be a chance for us to be together again or is it not worth pursuing? I've been thinking about her a lot and do feel a lot stronger than I did the last time we spoke.

Should I try to get in touch with her again or do you think its not worth it?

OP posts:
DidiSharma · 10/05/2022 08:08

It's not worth getting in touch because she doesn't feel about you the way you feel about her. You had already tried to rekindle things before and she rejected you.

Do yourself a favour and remove her from your life and stop keeping up with her news.

Allow yourself to truly move on.

All this keeping in touch nonsense with exes when you still have feelings for them is masochistic.

ghostbusters · 10/05/2022 08:10

It's not worth getting in touch with her. In the past it seems like she led you on then shut you down when you asked if it was going anywhere. And if she's newly divorced she probably isn't in the right frame of mind for a new relationship yet.
I would file her, and your relationship with her, away in a box in your head. You can remember the nice times but they are just that, memories.

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 10/05/2022 08:28

Don't bother it will end in tears again and they'll be yours. Sorry to be harsh but if she really loved and cared about you she'd be with you. Personally I think she uses you to make herself feel better when her life is going shit it seems from your post she gets in touch when her latest relationship fails. Walk away and stop hoping she'll come back. I've been there with an ex he led me on and then moved on with someone else but kept getting in touch and hinting he still wanted me eventually I realised I wasted years waiting on him and all I was to him was an ego boost and safety net when he needed it. Don't waste anymore time on her people who blow hot and cold like that are rarely worth the heartache that comes with them

Hiddenvoice · 10/05/2022 09:58

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t get in touch with her. I know she’s your first love but it really is time to move on from her. You had a great time
together but it didn’t work out. She moved on
and has sadly made it clear in the past that you two didn’t have a future together.
I think you need to see that your relationship with her was not perfect, you’re spending too much time thinking of the good times but it’s now time to see the relationship for what it is. She apologised about the way she moved on which suggests she hurt you. You need to focus on you, keep your distance from her and when you’re ready, find someone else.

Watchkeys · 10/05/2022 11:45

She has form for


  • not being able to tell you something big

  • shutting you down when you wanted clarification

  • denial of the state of your friendship/relationship


Are these traits you are looking for in your ideal partner?

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