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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnant with poor mental health and difficult situation

1 reply

CarrySah · 09/05/2022 20:31

I have quite bad mental health. Bad anxiety and depressive states. My DP has known this and when I got pregnant he was very supportive. I’ve been seeing a mental health midwife and that’s also been great.

We have been thrown a bit of a curveball in that DP has been relocated with work nearly 150 miles away - this is non negotiable in his work. Moving there with him would mean my entire support network is gone. Because of this he’s made an application to an entirely new company, which is a huge risk to him as he might not get it, he won’t know the people and he already has a very good career. The new job is the same salary but it’s obviously stressful for him to move, or attempt to. It’s actually amazing that this job has even come up - he works in a specialised area and they are rare. It’s likely to be extremely competitive and although DP is genuinely one of the best at what he does, there are absolutely no guarantees and a lot of it is about who you know.

If he gets this job then we can stay put and all will be ok. If he doesn’t, he will have to move with his current role.

I can’t bear the idea of being apart but the idea of having no support and being launched into rented accommodation in an area I don’t know, a few weeks before having a baby is absolutely terrifying me. He’s said I could stay put and he would come back at weekend and try to be back in the week, if he doesn’t get this new job. He does tend to work late so in some ways it wouldn’t make massive difference but also I would be alone each night which would be hard.

On some level I think that’s best but on another level I think fuck we are supposed to be together, I need to get on with it. I’m just scared my mental health with deteriorate in a new place like that and everyday alone. It’s not like I have friends and family with me everyday here but it’s what I know and is safe and familiar.

Just don’t know what to expect with doing all this and what might be best. Grateful for any insight or opinion.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 09/05/2022 22:18

I’m sorry you’re going through this stressful time!
Its good he’s applied for this job and I’m really hoping for you both that he gets it.
If he doesn’t then you will need to think about what’s best for you both.
you will need to weigh up your options. If you decide to move with him, how much will he be home with you to help you? If you decide to stay, do you think you will be okay without him? Would someone be able to stay with you at nights for a while? I say this because I’m 3 weeks postpartum and have kinda struggled without my dh at times. I’ve found that night feeds can be difficult for me so I’ve been thankful that family are around to help care for the baby during the day so I can get an hours rest.

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