Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My husband has started to treat me like rubbish

7 replies

laakhx · 09/05/2022 19:34

My husband has recently become self employed and he never ever spends time with me & DD. I understand he is working to provide for us but I am becoming so fed up of him as he speaks to me like I'm nothing aswell. It's like he's got so much hatred in his heart when he speaks to me and gets angry at everything I do. I feel like he just can't be bothered with me. Everything I talk about he doesn't want to engage in the conversation. When I talk to him about anything he says everything is in my head and that I'm just stupid and ungrateful and starts shouting at me. I just don't know what to do I'm so fed up :(

OP posts:
purpleboy · 09/05/2022 19:37

That sounds pretty shit.
What are your options?

Onthedunes · 09/05/2022 19:39

Is he self employed home based or out within the general public.

It could be stress, being your own boss is not all others think it's cracked up to be, it is hard.

Or it could be the start of him devaluing you, could have had his head turned.

Whatever, if he can't speak to you with respect then don't converse with him, grey rock him and give him the minimum of help, he doesn't deserve your support.

MatildaTheCat · 09/05/2022 19:45

Is the business failing? So many people underestimate what being self employed means. It doesn’t excuse his behaviour but if you want the relationship to continue you need to be asking him to talk to you and let you into his life.

Id be willing to offer support if he’s struggling but only if he communicates with you because that’s what relationships are for.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/05/2022 19:51

Honestly when a man is shouting at you that you are stupid and ungrateful, it is time to start thinking how to get into a position where you can tell him to go fuck himself. How dare he. And I couldn't care less what is going on in his life.

CheekyHobson · 09/05/2022 22:45

It could be stress, being your own boss is not all others think it's cracked up to be, it is hard.

It is hard but stress from work is absolutely not an excuse for ignoring, devaluing or shouting at your partner.

If he is so stressed from work he can't listen to his wife when she wants to talk, he could say "Sorry honey, my head is full of work stuff right now and I can't listen properly to what you're saying. Can you give me a couple of hours to work through what I need to get off my plate and then I can chat."

If the business is struggling he could tell his wife that it's not working as well as he hoped and he's stressed and they could talk together about ways to deal with it.

It's not her job to cajole him into sharing his actual thoughts with her so he will stop treating her like a verbal punching bag. A decent man would have enough self-awareness to know he's behaving poorly because of his own stress and not blame her for his poor treatment of her or refuse to listen when she expresses her concerns and hurt.

OP, he's behaving this way because somewhere inside he thinks it's fine to treat you this way. Nothing you can say will change that. And you'll probably never be able to figure out exactly why he thinks that way or is acting this way. The only thing you need to know is that it's not a reflection on you – healthy and compassionate people who value their partners simply don't behave the way he's behaving.

All can do is decide whether this is the standard of treatment you are prepared to accept from a partner, and if not, leave.

billy1966 · 10/05/2022 08:35

If you are not working, start looking at returning.

Have you family and friends that can support you

Has he always been a bit like this and now it has gotten a lot worse or is this completely new behaviour?

Bookworm20 · 10/05/2022 10:05

Or it could be the start of him devaluing you, could have had his head turned.

Sorry, but it sounds like this. Typical start to the script. Start being horrid to the wife, its easier to justify if you convince yourself she's horrible.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page