Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Men move on quicker

26 replies

anotherdisaster · 09/05/2022 13:44

Does anyone else feel bitterness that their ex has moved on and now happy with someone else, even though they were awful in the relationship? I know I shouldn't think about it like this but my ex has been with someone now for about 3 years and seems happy yet 4 years down the line I am still single. I put up with his terrible treatment of me for 16 years. How come he gets to be happy and I don't? I suppose I should be grateful I'm no longer with him though! 😃

OP posts:
PleasantBirthday · 09/05/2022 14:07

He may be happy, but is she?

KangarooKenny · 09/05/2022 14:18

I agree with pp. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.

Femalewoman · 09/05/2022 14:25

I think some men move on quicker and others don't. Some of my female friends move on quickly too and others don't.

Some are looking for something that might not exist or unwilling to be flexible in a relationship. Lots of different reasons why some things work and others don't.

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 09/05/2022 14:58

My ex is settled and spends all his time with his girlfriend as far as I can tell. Even though I don’t want him I do still feel a bit weird about it. I can’t imagine how I’ll ever get to that point so it’s strange that he has so quickly.

Tryhard40 · 09/05/2022 15:01

Just remember how horrible he was to you and pity the poor cow he's with now - as you can bet your bottom dollar she'll be suffering the same treatment, if not yet then at some point when the honeymoon period has worn off.

Be thankful you escaped and remember he'll be outwardly painting a picture of how happy he is now without you - and that behind closed doors that's probably not that true.

PumpkinsandKittens · 09/05/2022 15:02

Ime men move on quicker but that’s because women are normally left with the children, I haven’t dated in 5 years as I don’t get any time to myself

YRGAM · 09/05/2022 15:03

I don't think it's possible to generalise by sex with something like this. Some men do, some men don't, some women do, some women don't.

AntarcticTern · 09/05/2022 15:04

I think pp is right - some men move on quickly, some women move on quickly, others find that hard to understand. Best to aim to be happily single yourself and don't care whether he's in a relationship or not!

blobby10 · 09/05/2022 15:08

oh God Yes!!!! After being married to me for 20 years, within 2 years of us splitting up my ex was engaged and they married later the same year. Although i've been dating someone for 5 years I will never remarry or live with him or anyone. It does make me feel like a massive failure that ex is clearly settled and happy and I'm not but then I think of all the times he behaved like a dick and pity the new wife!

altmember · 09/05/2022 15:10

I think 4 years should enough time for you to have let go and moved on, and to be open to meeting someone new yourself. Concentrate on your own happiness and try to avoid worrying about other people's.

Tryhard40 · 09/05/2022 15:12

oh God Yes!!!! After being married to me for 20 years, within 2 years of us splitting up my ex was engaged and they married later the same year. Although i've been dating someone for 5 years I will never remarry or live with him or anyone. It does make me feel like a massive failure that ex is clearly settled and happy and I'm not but then I think of all the times he behaved like a dick and pity the new wife!

I was reading something the other day about the reasons why men "move on" quicker than women and it basically boils down to the fact that men simply NEED women more than we need them! Men tend to want a wife/partner because they need looking after, they want their undies washing and their dinner on the table, regular sex and companionship etc whereas women often tend to find a new freedom after a divorce/split - ie they don't have to do all that shit for a man any more. Leading them to often be reluctant to take on another one!

Basically we are intellectually and emotionally far superior.

surprisedinner · 09/05/2022 15:15

I think men just look for another woman to pick up from where the last one left off.

Inthesameboatatmo · 09/05/2022 15:18

I completely agree op. I'm still single after 3 years yet he was in a relationship and moved in together in 6 months. I do suspect she was an ow. But have no proof. I've seen lots of men move on very quickly after separation its pathetic.

Scampi89 · 09/05/2022 15:31

This is interesting.
my husband left me in Oct. We’re separated but not divorced yet. I feel like I am totally ready to move on and would happily date/shag/befriend someone but I’m not sure he is ready yet.
I just think that it’s his loss. I am proud of who I am and if doesn’t want to love, cherish and spoil me, then sod him!!

DivorcedBedraggledAndFried · 09/05/2022 15:44

@Tryhard40 I think I'm going to get your words painted onto the entire width of my living room wall, so I can refer to them in my darker moments dealing with my own dick of a STBXH in his way-too-soon-loved-up existence.

Lovemusic33 · 09/05/2022 15:55

I don’t think they move on quicker as such, it’s more likely that they just can’t cope being alone so they often rush into another relationship, where as the woman may enjoy some time alone and be more fussy on who she chooses for her next relationship (after being in a bad relationship for so long)?

my ex moved on pretty quickly which I found odd as he was devastated when I I kicked him out, but he’s never been able to be alone, I got with him weeks after he split with his wife. Anyway, he got into a relationship with someone he barely knew, gave up his flat to move in with her, cut contact with the kids (due to distance) and then a few months later she kicked him out and stole his money 😬. He’s now with someone else (straight after the other one). I have remained single,

altmember · 09/05/2022 16:02

Tryhard40 · 09/05/2022 15:12

oh God Yes!!!! After being married to me for 20 years, within 2 years of us splitting up my ex was engaged and they married later the same year. Although i've been dating someone for 5 years I will never remarry or live with him or anyone. It does make me feel like a massive failure that ex is clearly settled and happy and I'm not but then I think of all the times he behaved like a dick and pity the new wife!

I was reading something the other day about the reasons why men "move on" quicker than women and it basically boils down to the fact that men simply NEED women more than we need them! Men tend to want a wife/partner because they need looking after, they want their undies washing and their dinner on the table, regular sex and companionship etc whereas women often tend to find a new freedom after a divorce/split - ie they don't have to do all that shit for a man any more. Leading them to often be reluctant to take on another one!

Basically we are intellectually and emotionally far superior.

And where did you read that misandristic nonsense? 😆

Ilady · 09/05/2022 16:39

I think that some men can't cope with being on their own. They want a wife/partner for regular sex, someone to do the washing, cooking, cleaning ect. I seen several men get to a certain age and then rush into a relationship because they can't cope on their own. In some cases their friends are in relationships or have kids so they don't have them available to go out at weekends ect. So the single man is alone and lonely.

A few years ago one of my friends wanted a relationship with a man she knew. He was blowing hot and cold on her. He decided then to get involved with another woman. Within a few months his new girlfriend was pregnant.

My friend was upset over this because one he moved on so quick and what made it worse was she heard his girlfriend was pregnant via someone they both know.

Now a few years later he comes back into my friends life thinking that she be their for him like she was in the past. He also wanted a friends with benefits situation. My friend said that they could be friends but since he picked X over here they were not going to spend time between the sheets.

My friend found out a few things about him since then and let's just say she had a lucky escape. Meanwhile he has no idea that in time my friend will be getting several inheritances.

My friend is happy to stay single because she does not want to take on a man with baggage or children.

YRGAM · 09/05/2022 18:59

Tryhard40 · 09/05/2022 15:12

oh God Yes!!!! After being married to me for 20 years, within 2 years of us splitting up my ex was engaged and they married later the same year. Although i've been dating someone for 5 years I will never remarry or live with him or anyone. It does make me feel like a massive failure that ex is clearly settled and happy and I'm not but then I think of all the times he behaved like a dick and pity the new wife!

I was reading something the other day about the reasons why men "move on" quicker than women and it basically boils down to the fact that men simply NEED women more than we need them! Men tend to want a wife/partner because they need looking after, they want their undies washing and their dinner on the table, regular sex and companionship etc whereas women often tend to find a new freedom after a divorce/split - ie they don't have to do all that shit for a man any more. Leading them to often be reluctant to take on another one!

Basically we are intellectually and emotionally far superior.

You don't genuinely believe this do you

Crikeyalmighty · 09/05/2022 19:02

@Tryhard40 I think that's it in one and hence why many men don't tend to leave till they have someone lined up and women very often leave to be on their own

Trafficblight · 09/05/2022 19:03

It might seem that way from the outside, but to others looking in your relationship might have seemed that way too- even though it wasn't. Obviously not hoping that's the case as it's abhorrent for any woman to be abused so not saying ah it's okay he's probably abusive to her as well; but it's worth remembering. I do actually think some of it is petty revenge and a way of saying look at me I'm still causing you hurt even though we are separated. Of course not always the case, but yeah it's absolutely not you it's them.

Lovemusic33 · 09/05/2022 19:07

Crikeyalmighty · 09/05/2022 19:02

@Tryhard40 I think that's it in one and hence why many men don't tend to leave till they have someone lined up and women very often leave to be on their own

I agree with this too. Men rarely leave unless they already have a new wife lined up. You hear the same story on MN daily. Women will leave when they have had enough or feel the relationship is dead, men tend to leave when they have found a replacement. My ex would have stayed forever despite the fact our sex life was non existent and that we no longer loved each other, he was totally shocked when I ended it. Within a couple months he had found some random person online and had moved in with her.

Original poster
anotherdisaster · 09/05/2022 19:27

Tryhard40 · 09/05/2022 15:01

Just remember how horrible he was to you and pity the poor cow he's with now - as you can bet your bottom dollar she'll be suffering the same treatment, if not yet then at some point when the honeymoon period has worn off.

Be thankful you escaped and remember he'll be outwardly painting a picture of how happy he is now without you - and that behind closed doors that's probably not that true.

Thank you, oh don't worry. I wouldn't have him back if my life depended on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
anotherdisaster · 09/05/2022 19:29

altmember · 09/05/2022 15:10

I think 4 years should enough time for you to have let go and moved on, and to be open to meeting someone new yourself. Concentrate on your own happiness and try to avoid worrying about other people's.

I didn't say I hadn't met anyone, I've dated a couple of people since him. Just not found the right person. I am concentrating on my own happiness, it was merely an observation and something that irkes me from time to time.

OP posts:
Original poster
anotherdisaster · 09/05/2022 19:32

I realise some women also move on quickly but I strongly disagree that its even. Almost every relationship I know of that has broken down, the woman has take time to herself and the man has rushed out and met someone quickly. I can only go on what I have seen myself. I also believe it has a lot to do with the women 'generally' tend to have the children more often so have less free time.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread