Me and dp have been together 12 years, two kids and life for the most part is good in the sense that he pulls his weight around the house, with kids etc.
problem I have is that it’s become clear to me recently that rather than a couple we are two people who just happen to be living in the same house and be at the same places.
I feel like I could almost be invisible as he just seems so indifferent to my presence.
if I speak he will answer but if I don’t we can go for so long without a conversation.
we recently went on holiday with two other couples and I was surprised at how much time they carved out to spend together whilst we did nothing alone the entire time apart from the obvious such as going to bed etc
last week we went on a night out and apart from asking if I wanted a drink when he went to the bar we didn’t speak the whole night yet with others he laughs, jokes, dances like a different person
I have been through this dilemma in my head before and think to myself I just need to put more effort in which I will do and he will respond but if I stop he doesn’t then try… can I spend the rest of my life with a person that only talks and interacts with me if I initiate it.
it’s all coming to a head as I’ve been very quiet the past day or so and he asked last night if he had done something wrong and I said I was unhappy. His response to that was to not come to bed last night so we haven’t spoken any further.
the way I see it is that there are two scenarios,:
scenario one: he knows he is shut off from me as the relationship is all but over but he hasn’t said it out loud
scenario two: he is absolutely oblivious to what’s going on, thinks everything is good and has no idea what’s bothering me
im pretty certain it’s option 2 but if that’s the case I just don’t know where that leaves me, I feeling so invisible around him that I can’t carry on this way