Why has he changed his mind?

[pinkrainbowsocks]

Ex said I made him miserable and he couldn't be with me any longer. Amongst other things I have since found out he was messaging other women getting them to send photos and he wasn't very kind to me. I didn't want to break up as we had a baby but I left.
Tried my best to move on by getting a job, started seeing someone else. The new man is lovely and so kind. (Known him a while)
Somehow my ex has got wind about me and new guy. He's now crying and begging for us to get back together saying he didn't think we would really split up, he's been hanging on for me. I really like the new guy (it's been 6 months we've been dating now) but I'm a bit torn as I didn't want to leave in the first place. But he wasn't nice to me.
I had 15 texts yesterday from ex.
Why is he suddenly being like this after not wanting me and happily kicking us out of our home??

I can't say for certain without more details, but you have hinted at him "not being nice to you" and "messaging other women" as well as constant messaging yesterday, so I'd hazard a guess he's probably abusive in some ways and this is an attempt to "hoover" you because he feels he has lost control of you. Do not engage - this man has shown you who he is, and getting back with him would just be repeating the cycle and losing someone you really like in the process.

He has changed his mind because he doesn't like the idea of you not just managing on your own, but actually finding a new man and having the nerve to be happy. That is your only reason. Forget about him and enjoy your new relationship.

He wants you back as an ego boost. To prove he 'got you'. Avoid him like a plague. He removed you and his baby from the family home. That is not the actions of a normal well-balanced individual. Maybe he is in financial hardship without your contribution to the household bills. Maybe those child maintenance payments are starting to bite. He maybe thinking if he got you back within the home, life would be cheaper for him. Think to the future, and reflect on how he treated you. Don't be flattered by his attentions. Show new man respect by staying with him, or letting him go if you are not into him. If previous man made his baby homeless and made the mother of his baby miserable, he is a loser and you are better off without him.

He's trying to manipulate you - he doesn't want you, but he also doesn't want anyone else to want you. It's very immature behaviour. Send him ONE text - "Not interested. Goodbye" then block him across all platforms so he can't keep contacting you.

Focus on your new life and your new man and your new job and forget about this loser.

Do not respond to your ex in any way shape or form.

Enjoy your new relationship with this man you are seeing. Your ex has found out about this man and basically feels that if he cannot have you then no-one else should. He does not want you to be happy nor in his eyes you should be happy.

You are an adult with agency; your ex wants to continue to exert his power and control over you, abusing you thus was his idea of loving you. Do not fall for such hoovering attempts from him. I would also block him from contacting you via your phone and call the police if he continues to push unwanted contact via text message.

Because he doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either

It's that old chestnut

This brings to mind a conversation i overheard between some work colleagues. We were all waiting for a coach to pick us up from an event.

Man was texting away on his phone and one of the guys asked what he was doing.

Tipsy guy :Texting my ex
Work dude : Wait, didnt you dump her, like super nasty dump her?
Tipsy Guy: Yup
Work dude: Isn't she also now with Bob? and I thought you were going great guns with the lass you dumped her for?
Tipsy guy: Yup, I totally don't want her - Man, she was hard work. That doesn't mean I want anyone else to have her either. (said with a very self satisfied smile and the total honesty of someone who has had a few)

The person he was messaging doesn't want anything to do with him, so you're a safe bet, for now. Ignore him and keep moving on.

Maybe because you have moved on without him, done well for yourself and he is jealous. Maybe messaging other women for pics is not quite the lark he thought he was.

He had done it once, he'll do it again. He treated you badly & it was his call to end things-he now needs to sort himself out. Keep seeing the new man, the ex is just a lost cause.

Because you were meant to be begging him to let you back, and have sex with him whenever he wants. Not move on with your life and meet someone else who treats you well, that totally ruins it for him. Just ignore him, he was really horrible to you and chucked you and his child out.

Don’t put your baby back on this horrible merry-go-round.

Your baby requires a stable, calm and peaceful childhood to ensure their own longer term emotional development and mental health.

This cannot be achieved with a parent who chucked her out of her own home as a baby, who terrorised and cheated on her mother. Even if you think you can endure it in some misguided notion of “luuurve” - don’t inflict this life on your baby or expose her to anyone or anything less that calm, peaceful, respectful, kind, encouraging.

You'll never know why. You'll only ever have theories. It's not worth it.

A healthier question for you to ask is 'What can you do to take your mind off him and do things that make you happy instead?'

He's in your past because he treated you badly. There's no coming back from that, so it doesn't really matter why he thinks what he thinks or does what he does.

Who cares why? It’s just another man messing women around.

Men literally have nothing better to do with themselves sometimes, some have hobbies and some like to fuck with us.

If you were single now, he wouldn't be interested, would he? He just can't stand the thought of you being happy. No doubt he'd thought he'd have a shagathon after you two split up but he's realised he's not as popular as he thought he'd be. Shame!

Don't go back to your ex, it's just a desperate attempt to get you back so he can do worst - then rinse and repeat the cycle!

The begging and grovelling is just a strategy to make you feel sorry for him. Don't believe the act!

You can choose to break the cycle now, and save yourself future heart ache and more disappointment. These type of men like your "ex", will never EVER change, so you might as well explore what a different life would be like with the new guy!

Why is he suddenly being like this after not wanting me and happily kicking us out of our home??

Please, don't ever put yourself (and your child) in a situation again where someone can kick you out of your home. Can you be absolutely certain, if you went back, it wouldn't happen again?

He sounds like an arse anyway. Messaged other women, not nice to you and kicked you out of your home. What's to like? I'd stick with the new bloke. Old one is a fuckwit

Thank you everyone. I need to try and stay strong I think!