Distraught, don't know how to feel

[Candlev]

I am 9 months pregnant and my husband just got arrested for detention of pedopornography.
I'm distraught.

I don't know how to feel. I found out about it recently. Was completely shaken. I spoke to helplines about it, and he spoke to associations about his porn addiction, but the police must have been alerted.

I believe he is making it up that I called the police on him for alleged domestic abuse.
(I was in contact with women's aid and other associations on and off for various reasons, but never called the police on him, and when they asked if I wanted to press charges for domestics, I said no).
Police are saying his parents know but his parents are denying it and saying that he, himself, doesn't know why he is being arrested and is only speculating.
(Which is not true as he told me that he had admitted everything about the indecent photos and that they took his phone away and asked me if I thought he was in trouble. He wasn't pissed at me, so he knew it wasn't me)

So, on top of the situation, I have been receiving accusatory phone calls since this morning. But I never told them why he actually got arrested.

I feel like shit.
I feel so scared, lonely and can't sleep.

Police told me he would get therapy, and that he wouldn't have unsupervised contact with the baby until therapy was over.

I feel both extremely reassured and extremely crap.

What is going to happen once he gets out of custody? Is he going to come home directly?
What do I do, what do I say?

I wish people wouldn’t just blindly say “don’t put him on the birth certificate.

Firstly, he and the OP are married, he will automatically be on the birth certificate.

Secondly, if he went to court to demand to be put on the birth certificate there’s every chance he would.

Press charges for the DV. It protects you and the baby.

Why would a DH automatically be put on a birth certificate, what if the baby wasn’t his ?

Tell the police that under absolutely no circumstances will he be coming back to your house. You need to be very clear from the outset here.

They don't have six months to bring charges, and indecent images investigations can often take longer than six months.

OP I'm an officer who has investigated indecent images cases including ones where the partner of the suspect is in a situation like yours.

In my experience, social services will advise both you and your husband that he needs to leave the family home and he will not be allowed unsupervised access to the child. If you show that you are willing to work with social services (which it seems you are) then they will allow you to supervise access. Unfortunately some people don't want to believe that their partner is capable of this kind of thing and if there is any suggestion that you believe your partner is innocent, social services may think you're not suitable to supervise contact and will request that someone else does so - this can be a family member.

These investigations take time. We all know police funding has been cut and any devices seized from your husband will likely be in a queue to be examined, or in some cases may even need to be sent out of force to be examined. Once done, someone needs to go through every single thing on the device to see what is on there and if it is illegal or not. Anything illegal also needs to be graded. Some of my investigations took up to a year, if not longer. My advice would be to work closely with social services and do whatever it is they ask of you. They are going to be the ones deciding what access your husband can have to your child, not the police.

Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions and I'll do my best to answer them.

Are there different deadlines for different offences @PCAMA ?

Sorry if I misinformed you OP. I was a witness to a crime a few months ago and the police had to charge the perpetrator within 6 months. I didn’t realise this wasn’t applied to all cases.

Yes there are but it's not something I would expect most people to know about unless they have to worry about it!

Summary only offences are offences that can only be heard in a magistrates court and those tend to be the least serious offences, for example common assault. These have a six month limit from the date of the offence.
Indictable only offences are the most serious and can only be heard in a crown court, so murder, rape, S.18 GBH.
Everything else (so the vast majority of offences) are "either way" offences and can be dealt with in the magistrates court if it is of less seriousness - magistrates can only impose upto a six month sentence so if they think it needs to be dealt with more seriously they can pass it to the crown court, hence "either way". Indecent images is an either way offence, so whilst it can be dealt with by magistrates, it can also be passed to Crown Court to deal and there is no time limit.

No one suggesting this thinks the father can't go to court as you suggest. I work in safeguarding and it is often suggested, it creates another barrier for an abusive partner to go through in order to re enter someone's life.

It's perfectly sound advice but, as you point out, only in some instances.

OP you need to press DV charges against him and get a restraining order.

He changed his speech and denied it all.
Im scared shitless
Hes out on baul

Bail*

Many thanks for explaining @PCAMA

great advice.