Just wondering if anyone is in a similar situation or has any advice around separating when you have older children. H and I have decided to separate although we are currently still living in the same house and haven’t told our daughters yet. Eldest DD is sitting her A Levels as the moment so we are trying to wait until after that so that there’s no disruption or distraction for her. Other DD is a year younger. Oldest DD hopes to go to university this year and youngest will do the same next year. I really don’t know what to do for the best in terms of our separation!
H and I get on well (we live as “housemates” but nothing more which is the reason for the separation). Part of me wants to try nesting but I don’t know how this would work with older teens. We’d be swapping in and out of a house which for most of the time will have one teen in who spends a lot of time in her room or out with friends. And in another year both will be at university. So it seems a bit pointless, but also I want to maintain stability as much as possible and would love to keep them in their own home. Although they will go to Uni, we want them to have their home to go back to whenever they want. We rent our house but couldn’t afford to both rent separate places big enough for DDs to stay. And I’m worried that if we did both move it wouldn’t feel like “their” home when they came back. Neither of us can afford the home we’re in now by ourselves. If the children were younger I’d definitely try nesting and take it in turns to be in the family home with the girls, but I’m not sure it works with them being older. Essentially we’d just be swapping houses with no children there for most of the time!
Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any ideas of the best way to manage this? We’re going to break the news to them after exams have finished but need to work out a plan of what to do before then. Neither of us wants to be the one to leave and get somewhere smaller. Although I’ve seen some lovely little apartments, and if I didn’t have children I’d love the independence, but I don’t want the girls to think I’m leaving them and moving somewhere without room for them, and H feels the same.
I just can’t work out what to do. It’s such an important time for the girls and I want to keep things as calm and consistent for them as possible.