He flirted then denied - need to let go

[Whatonearth2022]

I’m in an unhappy partnership of 10 years, 2 kids.

I started personal training at a local gym.

Connections and combustion is all I can say. Both Aries. Both got on like a house on fire. 4 weeks in, thought nothing of it, currently overweight I don’t tend to pull recently.

I started noticing stuff, deliberate touching, spending more and more time alone together… common hobbies or interests, then began the personal life chat..

he said , ‘I wouldn’t have married’ and ‘me and mine argue all the time’. Then I noticed him looking at me, a lot, the more touching, the casual flirting.

Asking me for help with business things (I run 2 businesses), questioning what I was doing ‘in reference’ to social media I had shared.

I literally had to google soulmate. That is how it felt, and I don’t even believe in that stuff but this triggered me hugely, it was like I’d met the one, I was completely head over heels.

He added me on all socials, Snapchat…Fb etc, he watched most of my stuff.

I thought I was going insane. How can this gorgeous amazing man have ANY interest in me????

12 weeks in, one day, turn up for training, a completely different bloke! I was so upset by the change in him I left early in tears.

He messaged me later, am I ok.?!

Using the word ‘mate’ in the sentence. Something he only did in front of others but never alone.

I caved and said a bunch of things like, think we need to talk… how do you feel about me etc.

The response!! Omg… COMPLETE DENIAL.
Accusing me of trying to ruin his reputation or business, the list goes on. I was in TOTAL shock.

it ended with him telling me not to return and my tail between my knees.

I felt awful. How did this guy make me think all this stuff, was I going insane? Did I imagine it!?

Fast forward a week and my May personal training fee refunded…. I asked if we could meet to clear the air.

he ignored it.

then I noted another gym goer had removed me from Fb, I panicked thinking omg what has he said!!!

I politely asked him if he’d mentioned our scenario to anyone.

message back - we’ll I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong at all so nothing to say and no o haven’t…

I responded- “ look, what I said appeared to get twisted and mistaken for accusations of you coming on to me when that wasn’t the case. I thought we connected and I think you’re hot, that’s pretty much all there is to it’.

messaged ignored. Blocked on WhatsApp.

he deleted from socials, BUT left me on snap.

I’ve been so angry I’ve taken the pleasure of blocking him on everything.

WHAT ON EARTH has happened?!?!?

im left chewing a piece of sh1t like this was MY fault!!!? I only asked how he felt and now I’m the one left with naff all.

I did nothing but be honest after HIS actions and I just cannot make sense of any of it!

advice - please help me forget this loser.
he’s married 3 kids…

My husband goes go the gym alot. Its well known the (male) PTs often outrageously flirt with female clients. PTs are usually self employed/work on commission so every session booked is their income and I guess they think if they show a woman attention and make her feel good about herself she'll keep coming back. Also... a lot of them are just massive pervs .... (not to tar them all with the same brush but I've heard too many stories about them sh*gging clients in the back office!!). Sorry OP, I know it's hard as you had real feelings invested in this. Get rid of the partner and find someone who can reciprocate your feelings

Something similar happened to me many years ago. Guy flirted outrageously and publicly with me, after some time I thought we'll ok let's go for it as I was single and it was clear ( I thought) that he wasn't serious about his GF.
Only for him to act all shocked and surprised and how he couldn't hurt X.

For some of these guys you're just a trophy. They want to know they could have you but don't actually want to do the deed.

Sorry you've been messed around OP.

When I read your OP I had a different take on it. That he did fancy you but something happened to pull him up on it. Either someone reported his flirtation to the boss who told him to behave or else or his wife found his slomo skipping videos focused on your boobs (yuck) and gave him a similar ultimatum.

But anyway, he's married, he turned nasty ... be pleased you had a lucky escape before you did something really foolish.

Many years ago (I was young and foolish but it taught me a good life lesson) a very very very hot man in my office took a strong interest in me. He was from another country but lived here.

We went on lunch dates on our own, met up outside work with gangs of friends, had heart to hearts, joked constantly, he seemingly couldn't keep his hands off me touching me at every opportunity, he messaged me all the time, we went for drinks alone. We never kissed. It was clearly only a matter of time.

One day the boss took me aside and told me this man was playing a very unsavoury game with me. Boss said the general view (encouraged and supported by this man) was that I was a silly little girl with a crush, that I was often getting too drunk and turning up places (I mean it's laughable), that he had been happy to be friends with me but I was clearly reading too much into it all, that I was messaging him nonstop when he was only being friendly, that he was helping me with work stuff and I was imagining something else.

This all coincided with the announcement of his wife's imminent arrival from their home country.

I never forgot the utter humiliation. The boss was very kind.

He's using you for his own entertainment and his wife found out or someone threatened to tell her and he's covering his tracks.

It meant nothing to him - it was just a game. Some men are cruel bastards and get a kick out of this sort of thing.

And what a PP said about this being stock in trade for many male PTs. Get a female PT.

'those saying poor wife - he was confiding on me saying he wouldn’t have married, he always argues etc which got me thinking he obviously wasn’t happy at home and I could never live with someone that works 24/7 like he does so it was just another bullet in the gun.'

Right, well that 'must' be true! And makes it totally acceptable for you both to carry on sleazing each other... honestly...

Take some ownership here. You were chasing after a married creep who was loving the attention until you ramped it up.

Totally with PP I cannot believe the 'poor you' responses!

PT? Arent they renown for this behaviour?

Brushing his dick against your hand or watching you get changed aren't romantic acts of love. They are sordid, grim acts of sexual harassment which any reasonable person would get the fuck away from. Yuk.

Yes, but most women have too much self-respect to let them get away with it.

Block and delete the cheating twat

I think posters are being rather harsh. Op seems to me to be honest about her feelings and us processing through her confusion

he filmed me in slowmo skipping and commented on my amazing chest (yes I was insulted at this point). he added me on Snapchat.

Why did you keep talking to him if he was sleazing on you and you were insulted by it? You weren't insulted enough to stop wanting him to want you because you told him you felt this connection after that and all the other sleazing.

He's a run of the mill creep. Better off out of your life.

You're in the midst of a split with kids involved. You've got enough on your plate without new people coming into the picture for now. Let alone married sleazeballs.

Sounds like he has a thing about bouncing bosoms and treated you like an object.

The trouble with getting a crush on someone we don't really know is that we join up the dots by making assumptions about them, e.g. that they are a fundamentally decent human being. They might well not be!

Sorry this bizarre experience has left you feeling crap.

He sounds very creepy! From my experience of the gym, there are some trainers who are overly friendly and flirty to get business. Some of them then add on all socials just to maintain a ‘friendship’ but really it’s all tk fuel their business.
He sounds incredibly unprofessional but he might have thought you liked the attention and it kept you returning to him so he continued.
You now need to put this man out of your mind. Spend tonight feeling upset about it all and then start to move on. Focus on your family and if you are your partner are splitting up then focus on your next steps.

I was just wondering what this behaviour meant.

That he’s a twat and you were gullible. I don’t mean to kick a woman when she’s down but he sucked you in because you were open to being sucked in. Him being married should have been enough to deter you but unfortunately it wasn’t. You probably weren’t even his first.

Grieve what you thought you had but don’t waste your time on trying to make this something it clearly wasn’t.

I’m sorry to say that it looks like it meant he was enjoying flirting with you, the ego boost and perving on you (putting his dick against your hand?? Filming your breasts in slo-mo?? WTF) and when you tried to take it further he panicked and pushed it all back on you.

This guy is a liar and happy to betray his wife with this behaviour so don’t believe anything he says about his wife, he was more than likely worried he’d gone too far and wasn’t prepared to have an all-out affair, just use you for some titillation and decided to pin the blame on you in case his wife found out. She may already have noticed the constant comments on your socials if he was doing it that much and he has defended himself by blaming you - who knows?

All you can be sure of is he was happy to be sexually suggestive to you in an totally inappropriate way since it was not professional, and then changed his mind. You really should not have gone for it knowing he was married. At least you didn’t actually fuck him.

I had a similar thing happen to me with another woman. She was clearly flirting with me, making long eye contact, making suggestive comments, and then she came up behind me in the communal kitchen while I was making coffee and leaned up against me, making full body contact. On another occasion, I was making something and she came to 'help' and put her hands over mine so she was touching them.

I liked her so I decided to ask her for a coffee. Then it all kicked off and she accused me of stalking her; it turned out that she was pretty homophobic - I suspected that she protested too much.

It was really painful and embarrassing as she told people around us that I was emotionally unstable and harassing her. I can only assume in her case that she was attracted to me but the reality of taking it further triggered that internalised homophobia.

It was incredibly confusing and upsetting though. Glad you've moved gyms. This guy isn't for you.