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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do I feel guilty?

4 replies

flyingdream · 08/05/2022 22:20

Husband borrows money from me. I'd say it's been around 5 grand over the last few years (borrowed 1 grand then 5 grand then 2 grand). Says he will pay it back. He hasn't paid it back and when I do ask I have to beg and beg again. I'm getting really fed up because he's taken me for a ride.

I'm a sahm mother and when it comes to spending any money on me there's nothing left. My savings were there for a rainy day. I've just emptied my Moneybox and lost 500 pounds but atleast I've got back what he owed me. Yet I feel guilty because it will be a difficult conversation to have. He'll happily give his parents 150 pound or 100 pounds every few months.I said to him if you have the money why ask me for it?im going to with draw it. The last time we argued I said I'm going to withdraw it as you manipulated me into giving it to you and he said if you take it out I'm going to divorce you.

It's my money then why do I feel guilt? He's not good with money and we need to buy a house but he's got 10 grand in his Moneybox that we've saved. I'm just worried that won't be enough to buy a house and I've ruined it for my kids.

But then I'd never see that money again. I have a crappy car that is more than 20 years old and my phone the speaker doesn't work (I can hear the person infront very faint). I hardly spend any money on myself and when it's my turn to buy something my husband will say he needs so and so more than me...my times never comes...

OP posts:
flyingdream · 08/05/2022 22:20

Sorry I meant *8 grand now 5 grand

OP posts:
flyingdream · 08/05/2022 22:24

Also in the past when we've argued I've had no access to money at all. Everything he earns goes into his account. Normally he'll give me his card to do shopping etc. It just seems so unfair.

OP posts:
NicholJO · 08/05/2022 22:37

Your a sahm your lucky to have that amount of money for a rainy day it's your money he should pay it back to you don't feel guilty and don't tell him you need to buy yourself anything just buy it on occasions my DH will borrow money from me he will sometimes forget to pay me back but when I mentioned it to him there is no problems he pays me and I get a takeaway as a thank you get your money back and treat yourself

flyingdream · 09/05/2022 09:30

I'm still feeling guilty like I shouldn't have done it

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