MIL calling me ExW's name

[LottieePopssX]

I've been with DP for a year. He divorced 6 years ago. His mum repeatedly calls me his ex wife's name. I've made it clear to DP this annoys me and I'm pretty sure he's told her this and to be mindful. What would you think/do?

Ah just brush it off…my MIL calls me DH ex wife name, and she calls ex wife my name.. we’ve been together 13 years…. DSS is an adult and I’ve 2 children with DH. it annoys his ex wife more than me, I don’t care - my mum always calls me my DSis name, and I constantly call my DC the wrong names. It’s so easily done, isn’t on purpose. It’s not worth the effort of stressing over it

"DP could your mum have the onset of dementia? Only I can't imagine she's doing it deliberately." #innocentface

I would assume it’s just a mistake unless there is more to the story. BIL and his partner of 15 years split up about 2 years ago. He has a new partner of about a year. She’s really lovely. But Dh and I call her the wrong name all the time (so awkward 😬). It’s not at all intentional. Our brains just haven’t adjusted to the change.

Have you got a ddog op? Start using it's name in reference to mil.

My sister split up with her first husband 12 years ago and remarried 3 years ago. It take a lot of concentration not to say Sarah and Bob as it just automatically comes out.

Not their real names.

I get it pisses you off. If she’s otherwise nice to you I’d personally let it go.
I occasionally do this with my friends husband or my brothers wife. I don’t mean it and feel bad when I do it. It’s usually when I am tired / low blood sugar.
Im also terrible with the kids and call them by each other’s name all the time.

Honestly? unless she’s generally awful to you, I would assume it was an accident and ignore it. I get my own children’s names jumbled up all the time. My auntie calls me by her daughters name more often than she calls me my own. It’s not uncommon for my mam to call my brother by the dogs name! I get that it annoy jus you, but it’s so common, just breathe and let it go.

My mum can't get anyones name right.
The grandkids get mixed up, the son in laws get mixed up, I get called my sister.
She's never got a name right first try.

Actually this is a fair point. Our best couple friends split up a few years back and were both in new relationships fairly quickly.

It was really hard not to say (for example) "Fred and Ginger" when talking about either of the new couples but when talking about or to the new partners I didn't get that wrong.

I live in fear I'll do this to my children's partner, and I have no evil intentions.
Honestly, if you are in this for the long haul, just laugh it off

I've spent my life being called various names that aren't mine by my dad and grandma. Dad even referred to DH as my first ever boyfriend's name once. He's just shit with names.

Thanks everyone, think I'm just being a bit precious so will learn to let it go... or start calling her FIL's new wife's name

Do you mean on a repeated/purposeful basis? I wouldn’t have that.

As annoying as it is, it's not personal. People call others the wrong name all the time. Its not deliberate.

You need to think of posts on a sunday evening when people are bored.
OP - Sigh - it's a bit sad

If she’s nice in every other way, you need to let it go because she won’t be doing it on purpose. Most of the older people in my family call their own children/grandchildren/nephews/nieces by the wrong name all the time. There’s nothing in it.

You've only been with DP a year! I realise this seems like a lifetime from your perspective- but it really isn't. If MIL is otherwise fine- I'd remind her at the time 'Oh Beryl, not again, my name is Lottiepopps' hehehe grin though gritted teeth.

IF she is forgetting other things, I would have worries about dementia.

My MIL is mid 70's, very sharp and only just retired from running her own business. She calls her own husband her dogs name, calls her daughter the cats name, calls my DH her own husband or the dogs name and calls me the daughter or pet birds name- ALL the time. She also refers to covid as covit! Annoys me no end, but I don't think its malicious. Just VERY annoying. We've been together 20yrs!

I know I’d do this in the same scenario! I’ve been with DH for nearly 20 years and still very occasionally refer to him or address him by my loathsome ex-husband’s name.
Thankfully he knows it’s just me. I used to run through the children’s and pets’ names before alighting in the right name for whoever when they were all at home.

I'm not sure how purposeful it is but it's definitely a frequent occurrence!
I asked DP this evening if he thinks it's on purpose (I don't think it is but after another occurrence I want him to know it's annoying) and he said no, she was just flustered when she arrived

I mix up my DDs’ and SILs’ names all the time. It’s unintentional and they don’t take offence thank goodness. It must be annoying for you but it’s unlikely to be malicious.

Ah yes that might work

Call her fil new wife name… see how she likes it.

Start talking to her in a loud and clear voice before she’s had chance to great you.

“HELLO MAVIS - ITS @LottieePopssX -HOW ARE YOU DOING?” And if she questions why just explain you’re making sure she knows who you are. She is. Etc.

also - I’m joking. It’s probably not malicious. If anything I’d laugh it off and tell her she’ll
get it right one day.

Don't call her by her ex-husband's new wife's name. That is just spiteful and pathetic. If she is nice to you then it seems unlikely that it is deliberate so why deliberately set out to hurt her?

Just give it time. You've only been with her son for a year so a small time in comparison to his ex. Some things are just habit. Maybe view it as new boyfriend's mum is getting your name wrong rather than MIL, sounds less dramatic (and is more accurate)