How do you react when your DH/DP does something stupid?!

[CatsAreDictators]

Posting here as quite frankly it feels relationship-threatening! We have recently redecorated a room - I say “we”, I actually did all the work (though he did keep the DCs out of my hair). Got it re-carpeted. Now changing some of the furniture. He assembled something today which needed fastening to the wall. Drill job, etc.

I have just discovered a load of brick dust on said new carpet. In a fairly unobtrusive corner but still. Turns out he didn’t think to use a dust sheet before drilling into a wall. And yes, I have tried hoovering it and so has he, and it won’t come out. He didn’t tell me, mind, waited to see if I would notice.

How would you react?

I mean, on the one hand, nobody died. Nobody’s hurt. But it is a new carpet. Brand new. Not white. But it’s visible.

Is this real? Relationship-threatening? If this were in AIBU I’d assume it was a light-hearted thread, but this is relationships so presumably you mean that seriously?

I’d be frustrated but would let it go. These things happen. We picture hooks onto the walls on occasion and never use dust clothes. Wouldn’t think too actually. Use some vanish carpet stain remover.

If it’s a once off thing, I would just let it go. I could do something next week that in hindsight was stupid.

I am probably being harsh. I am currently thinking it’s a shame my neighbour has just completed their new patio…. He is crap at DIY but I just wish he would stop and think. There is a theme of him basically causing me work and then I’m unreasonable/unappreciative if I raise it.

In his defence there's no reason why brick dust shouldn't hoover straight up! I never put dust sheets down to drill

I would just laugh, to be honest. It really doesn’t seem that big a deal. If he’s crap at diy, can you do it or get someone in? Presumably he also has some good qualities.

I think you should be replacing your Hoover not your DH.

Never heard of a dust that is un hooverable.

Try brown tape sticky side down. Press it o the carpet and it should lift all the dust.
Its not worth a reaction as dust protectors aren’t 100% guaranteed to stop all dust.
mountain and pimple come to mind.

Sounds as "helpful" as my DH, who today decided to re-arrange the glass cupboard. He smashed 3 glasses in the process, and for reasons best known to himself put all the everyday stuff higher up than the special occasion stuff.

Oh and guess who had to hoover the floor again after he had so the dogs didn't get paws full of glass...............

I'd be furious OP on new carpet.

We’re pretty easy on each other. Nothing worse than a partner with a short fuse or one who acts like they’re not a complete idiot at times.

I'd be extremely pissed off but you need to let it go. Tell him he's a bloody idiot, stand a piece of furniture over the stain and forget it.

If he does it again, kill him.

I don't think we've ever put a dustsheet down to drill into a wall!

This wouldn't even register in my brain as something to get angry about.

My DH isn’t the best at DIY, nor am I. Good on your neighbour for putting down a new patio, something neither of us here would be capable of doing.

For this to be a relationship breaker there must have been an awful lot of other straws for this to be the last one!
I'd probably be a bit miffed but like pp said I'd think it was time for a new vacuum cleaner not husband.

DillyDilly
I think you are missing the point about the neighbour and his new patio

I wouldn’t even call it stupid. He made a small mistake. Everyone does. Do you hold yourself and other people to the same ridiculous standards? If you made a small fuck up would you be okay with him joking about ending the marriage or murdering you? You might be trying to be lighthearted but I don’t think it’s funny tbh. Unwind a bit and get some perspective.

Ok, ok, I am being a little flippant about relationship-threatening. I am normally fairly light-hearted about this kind of thing as everyone makes mistakes and I have certainly made some but I honestly wanted to stand over him and scream earlier when I noticed it.

I am just frustrated as I have spent a lot of time trying to sort this room out - it was the kind of room where you start by stripping three layers of wallpaper - and the little he has done in it has basically made more work for me. Which is the case with all DIY. He is just useless in that regard. But I cannot do it all as I simply don’t have time.

He would happily throw money at anything DIY-related but we don’t have as much as he thinks we do and there are other things we need to pay professionals for.

I just feel like it is easy to not take care when someone else has put in all the prior effort rather than you. And that if I fucked up something he’d spent a lot of time on, he might not be as sanguine.

I assume I am being unfair and am overly sensitive after a fairly hectic afternoon refereeing at a kids’ party. It’s just that I feel I can’t show how annoyed I am and wondered whether other people would just give their DH a piece of their mind and then make up, or whether everyone is careful to be matter of fact about this kind of thing regardless of actual feelings.

@Alphabet1spaghetti2 , that’s a great suggestion and one I hadn’t found online. Those suggesting a new hoover probably have a point, to be fair. Ours is older than both our DCs.

@Arrivederla , excellent advice - annoyingly it’s in front of a door or that is exactly what I would do!

I think I need a glass of wine and to send him to the next whole class soft play party.

Right, so it’s not about the dust.

Why doesn’t he know how much money you have? Does he have other strengths that make your life easier?

It might be worth starting a new post about the wider issues and unpicking them rather than obsessing over a room and some dust.

That's not stupid , just wait until you have been with him for decades . You'll have bitten your tongue so much you won't be able to say anything anymore😂

@AnneLovesGilbert , of course he knows how much money we have! He just doesn’t seem to understand how things add up - or perhaps we have different priorities. I would prefer not to spend £1000 on professional decorating that I can do myself for £200 and put the difference towards a holiday. And yes, he does have other strengths that make my life easier. I just feel a bit overwhelmed with the mental load and domestic load and thinking for two on a daily basis. But fair point.

@plinkplinkfizzer , we are into double figures and I have a groove, does that count?!

Incidentally, I was not a complete cow about it to his face. I was very calm and simply commented that brick dust is a bugger to get rid of if it won’t hoover, but that I would have a go at it at some point tomorrow. I was just wondering how sanguine others would be about this kind of thing.

I hate it when my DH does something that causes me more work too. I get it.

This. Although I'll admit I'm definitely the more laid back one. Life is too short!!

I am interested to see how many people think that this is no big deal. I would be like you , OP , really annoyed about the carelessness and lack of thought. Not to mention the money and more importantly, my time and effort to do it and it to be ruined within the first few minutes.
Maybe if he was apologetic straight away but to dismiss it would upset me.

I guess that is one reason why my STBX found my standards too high for him. Now wondering if he was right , according to way most have replied you .🤔

Well, at least he didn’t drop a whole container of coarse sea salt onto some mince for a chilli recipe and ruin it.
just get him to hoover the brick dust. Dh washed the salty pan when I told him he ruined dinner.
Its the case of cleaning up after themselves.