Is our marriage over or do most couples have a ‘blip’?

[Nattobe]

We’ve been married for 3 years and are both in our 40s.
For the past year, DH has not really wanted to go out and do anything either with me, his family or friends.
I have asked him many times if he’s struggling with anything, depressed etc but mutters that he’s fine.

We last had sex in Feb but he’s not bothered, I’ve tried to initiate it but he says he doesn’t feel well or is tired.
I just feel fed up of things now as he spends his life in front of the tv or PlayStation and doesn’t talk or do anything and won’t talk about things.
I love him and just want to get back to how things were but he keeps saying there is nothing wrong.
What do I do?

It does sound like he is low. You can definitely work on switching things up to involve a few new routines. Start small, new meal, new bedding even. Ask yourself do you really love him and want things to change. This might be awkward but could he be hooked on porn? Sorry... It has been a really tough few years and its understandable that people hit a wall and cant see they are depressed. Chat to him and see if its age, family, money, worfy. It will be something, good luck.

He sounds depressed.

Unfortunately saying "I'm fine" doesn't mean someone isn't depressed.He's stopped enjoying life or interacting in personal relationships eg friendships,relationship,family relationships and has become a recluse.

But the issue is that you can't force a depressed person to seek help.He'd have admit he has an issue and he doesn't sound as though he will.

Nearly all relationships have ups and downs but this sounds more like he is depressed to me. Its very difficult if he can't see that. You can't force him to get help. There is a depression test/scale GP'S sometimes use, would he complete that?

My husband responds better and seems to take things more seriously if I write them down. Can you write down your concerns and how this is affecting you. Point out how he used to be to how he is now. This sounds really hard OP. I hope you get somewhere with it.

You've described my husband( seperated), I've just found out hes been cheating for 4 months....

Wow there assumption mcsumption! That's a reach if ever there was one. Any advice or just mad statements?

He sounds depressed OP. I'm sorry you're going through this but it's difficult to help someone who refuses to acknowledge a problem.

Could you ask for marriage counselling and see if he'd consider it?

Yes, sounds like depression to me too.

Either that or he’s genuinely checked out of making an effort in your relationship and is now content to roll with the status quo and just spend his time gaming. Which is a whole other conversation, because you certainly shouldn’t be settling for that in your forties after just 3 years of marriage (or ever, after any length of time together).

But it sounds like it’s more likely to be a deeper problem, and you may have a better response if you try (kindly and non-judgementally) to explain to him how it’s affecting you and your happiness and your perception of the relationship. You still love him, which is the most important start point for trying to find a way through this.

Found out what was wrong. He’s been struggling at work and getting very stressed (he’s a manager).
He's put up with it as we have a mortgage to pay and didn’t want to worry me even though I’d been asking for ages if he was ok.
Ive told him to look for another job even if it’s a bit less money so he can be happier again as that’s whats important. Last few days since we talked have been a lot better and we are going out on Saturday.

Good to hear, sometimes the hardest thing is to admit you have a problem.