Is it ok to leave things like this?

[Scabbyknackers]

I was with a man only a couple of months but we did make it official quickly.

A few weeks in he started putting me down repeatedly, saying a lot of personal stuff, and playing all sorts of games. There was also one occasion where something physical/ sexual happened that I believe was deliberately pushing me.

I ended things but gave him a couple of chances as the shit behaviour all happened so quickly and he always said it was a misunderstanding etc plus things felt great when we got together.

3rd time we restarted, i immediately felt anxious as i didn't want to be with him after all he had said. We weren't really able to see each other much for a couple of weeks anyway as he had a big exam, very important for his career. I decided not to end things before the exam so as not to rock the boat for him.

After the exam, he got in touch over a few days but didn't ask to see me or catch up. That text convo ended, and we haven't spoken in over a week or seen each other in two. He texted last but it was only a 'lol'. I haven't left him hanging.

Sorry for the ramble but would you say it was ok to leave things as they are, as in is there anything here that needs ending? I don't feel there is and don't feel I want another discussion with him. He did quite a bit of what I believe is gas lighting.

I'd rather not text as he made a big deal about breaking up by text once when I did so by phone, so will probably respond with something shitty plus I don't really want to block as we work at the same wider organisation. I just don't want any more trouble. As things stand, I feel completely at peace and happy. I felt anxious and belittled with him. If he gets in touch then fine, I will have a chat and confirm where we stand but he hasn't done.

I want to start dating again hence asking as obv I want to do right by people.

Sorry again for the 10-pager. I know was an extremely short relationship and that he hasn't been in touch either but it has caused me a lot of anxiety. I also know I sound immature in not formally drawing a line under things, it just feels like avoiding another big drama this way.

It's good your personal inclination is to let people know where they stand and treat people with decency even when paying company with them.
However, he abuses this courtesy by uses it as an opportunity to manipulate, so you should have a clear conscience in withdrawing showing him respect in that way.
Leave things as they are (suspect he knows anyway and is already looking for someone whose boundaries are less well maintained), with the idea that IF he calls to all what's what, you give him a clear 'we're done' and don't engage in a discussion about it.

Parting company that should've said.

Sounds like a mutual slow fade, no need to contact him again.

Just leave it. He's not asking you is he? He's not chasing you or a date.

Yeah, just let it go. If he texts you leave it several days (weeks) before replying, if at all. If you feel you have to reply, then just a 'lol' or similar.

There's no rules. If you don't feel like contacting him ,don't contact him. If you feel you need permission, have a look at where your 'shoulds' are coming from. You're meant to be making your own rules, as an adult, aside from where there's a law or a contract.

Thank you everyone. It's really reassuring to see other people's views that it's both of us fading out, not just me. I have a habit of blaming myself for anything and everything!

@Scabbyknackers

Take blame out of your life, for yourself, and for others. Instead of 'I'm upset and it's his fault', replace it with 'I'm upset because I didn't like what he did'. We don't all have to like each other, or each other's actions, and if we do things others don't like, it doesn't mean we did something 'wrong'.

Spend time with people whose actions and thoughts you like, and who like you.

I took blame out of my life and it's brilliant. Much calmer, but still gets rid of people who make me unhappy. Much less anger and frustration. Much more 'live and let live'.