He is with her...treating me like I'm a stranger

[whymewhyme]

So I've done a few posts.... looks like he's with her now. he has treated me so badly and is acting like I'm a total stranger.
He started their relationship on a huge lie ( good start) I spoke to her and she was very forth coming, she said last weekend that she deffinently wasn't in a relationship with him but fast forward thursday he hinted they were "fine" and "not yet " in a relationship. It was accompanied by attitude and more coldness from him. I sent him a email with the set plans retarding DC and they both spent the night online on whatsapp at the same time so he was obviously talking to her. I know he can do what he want's but he really doesn't deserve to have anyone to fall back on and i can't get my head around why on earth she would take him back after all the lies he fed her...... it's crazy.

I keep telling myself that they deserve each other and it wont end well but still really hurts.

I don't know why im even posting this tbh just needed to write it down.

Move on. Stop watching what he’s up to. Only communicate about the kids.
Plan your new life and something to look forward to.

I told you on your last thread that they would carry this on. I fear you're not listening to anyone and then being blindsided.

Many of us on here KNOW the pattern. I say this really gently but she is NOT to be trusted. I've known so many stories of women who were told the it was 'separate beds, no sex, bad relationship' blah blah blah, by the cheat. Then find out the truth, play the victim and then still continue the relationship. Tbh if they fell hook line and sinker for this kind of bs, they have poor boundaries and miss red flags anyway. Of course they'll carry it on when they've won their 'prize'🤮

It's so utterly predictable.

Stop watching his WhatsApp, stop watching hers.

We've all told you to grey rock. What are you doing to heal? Have you got hold of a copy of leave a cheater gain a life? Been on the chump lady site? Surviving infidelity is great too.

You’ve managed to get rid of a disgusting, lying piece of shit, who put your health at risk by shagging someone else unprotected while TTC with you, and who gives no shits about your or your child. And that is all she has gained, your horrible old trash of a husband. What a prize.

Focus on you and your child. Let him fester in the shitty pit of misery he’s created. He may seem happy now, but it won’t last. Don’t contact him unless it’s about your child and keep it emotionless.

And I promise you, you will adjust and you will heal. And when he comes crawling back you’ll be strong enough to say, “are you joking? Fuck off.”

I am listening but I'm still in utter disbelief, I've had no verbal contact since thursday, i saw him friday and blanked him, emailed DC arrangements and he's collecting him later and i plan of blanking him again. I will amazon the book recomendations, i know im being a knob!

Counselling.

You need to work and talk this out until you feel back in the driving seat.

Then go and get a life that is worthy of you, and leave the saddos to it op. Watching whether they are online etc is unhealthy for you. You can and will do it. Don't let yourself sit there and wait, invite a friend over for drinks or go out. You need to get on with your own life op It no longer matters what he/she does.

You're not a knob, you're in shock. You were happy. You were in what you thought was a safe relationship.

I have been exactly where you are, I remember the monitoring of WhatsApp to find out if they were still having an affair, I remember the complete shock and disbelief. In my case the AP knew damn well he was married and had children.

The trouble is they're both lying to themselves to justify their actions. It'll be some sort of true love, soul mates rubbish. It will end, it'll come crashing down around them but I don't care about them...

You matter. You healing matters. Honestly knowledge is power. Take your self away from watching them and start reading. You'll find that what they are both doing is just horrendously predictable and gross.

You matter. Not their drama, don't be a bit part in it.

Leave her to this unsafe man, you can do this!

I've got a referal for councilling.

I've googled gray rock method and I've litteraly opened the door, said good bye to dc and shut the door.

I will get on the reccomended book and site.

It's so bad it doesn't feel real!

Honestly I know EXACTLY what you are going through. It's so utterly bewildering and painful, I think most people feel safe with the idea that affairs don't happen in 'happy' safe marriages but they do. And when they do they shatter your reality.

Great job googling grey rock, great job ordering the book, great job ignoring him on contact today. Try to put this idiot in the rear view mirror. Do something you love doing try and find a moment to be calm. I promise it does get easier. It just takes time.

But the best thing you can do is utterly grey rock the lousy pair of them!

Mine did the same and it's all gone wrong for him. He's now saying the grass wasn't greener and he realises he had a good thing and has lost it all. I'm now happy with someone else and even though awful at the time has actually made my life better by him leaving. Nearly a year on and everything is so much better for me.

I can't get my head around it at all, 16 yrs together wedding anniversary a week Monday and he isn't even bothered because he has her. He's turned up all fresh faced, new hair cut totaly fine!

Some women are just desperate to have a bloke in their life OP, even if he is a lying, untrustworthy snake in the grass. You can't influence 'stupid' .

I have no proof they are together but he's implied it and they are both online at the same time. He collected DS and he has a new outfit, even shoes, aftershave and a new hair cut!!! God knows where he's got the money from.It's driving me mad not knowing if they are actually together. He won't tell me and last week i thanked her for her honesty...ffs