Separated

[Primrosehill82]

Hi all
i would just like your advice & experience if possible.
My husband & I have recently separated, he moved out a month ago to a two bed flat in the next town.
we separated because he said I’ve been bullying him & have done over the past two years.
to give you a bit of background - we have a 7 year old son with autism and two year old twins, all our children are ivf (3 rounds & 3 miscarriages)
my son got diagnosed with autism 4 days before I gave before to our twins in aug 2019.
I developed (undiagnosed until recently) pnd after having the twins and then we went into the covid lockdown.
We have no family close by or no support network.
im on anti depressants now and I am seeing a therapist for my pnd and my separation.

with regards to my husband he says the bullying centred around my asking him to do too much around the house - he said I had him getting up in the morning to tidy the kitchen, empty the dishwasher, change twins nappies, do the kids breakfasts all before he could leave for work. He also said when he came in after work (he has a very pressured job) he would have to make me & him dinner - he resents me for all this.
I don’t recall it happening quite like this, however as I used to do all of looking after the 3 children during lockdown (& after lockdown as I don’t work) & homeschooling my 7 year (5 at the time) which was difficult due to his autism and I was very low due my pnd and obviously we had no support because of lockdown.
my husband said he felt he was doing too much around the house and I kept piling on more pressure.
my question is - is there any hope of a reconciliation after a separation?
Had anyone experienced anything similar with husband feeling like he’s doing too much around the house?
(please be nice, I’m quite fragile at the moment)

Seeing the children every other weekend will fizzle out pretty quickly IMO. It's a long drive from Brighton to Cheshire so he couldn't take the children to his own house.
At best, he'd travel on Saturday, take them out for the morning on Sunday, and travel home on Sunday afternoon ready for work on Monday.
But then, if he hasn't already, he'd find a new woman who wouldn't put up with not having him around at weekends so it would fizzle out.

Weirdly we used to live in fiveways (my son is at the school there) and we really enjoyed life there.

we decided to move out of Brighton to get more for our money.

I think I’m just a little scared moving back to Brighton and feel I just want to be near family & friends for support.

Thank you all so much for your comments I really appreciate it.

thing is he never used to be like this, he was such a hands on dad (he is still albeit every other weekend - 4 days a month is easy enough)

his job has just got more pressurised over the last two years & obvs so has home life with the arrival of two extra children.

I feel really let down that he says he’s been unhappy for 2+ years and he’s never even told me until it was too late.

weirdest thing is, he’s told his family about him leaving us and neither of his parents (or best friend or cousin - the people who know what’s going on) have challenged him on what he’s doing. He told his parents he was moving out and they said ‘oh right then’ - I know this cos they told me and he told me too.

if this was a mother moving out and leaving her family I believe there would be more come back.

he rocked up this morning and took the kids for a day out at the beach which is ironic cos he wanted to move us from Brighton to the countryside and now every weekend he’s been having the kids he’s been taking them to Brighton.

He's not a good dad OP. What kind of dad doesn't give AF about his kids moving up north and missing out on the school run. Honestly he should hang his head in shame. If my ds grew up and did this to his wife I wouldn't be saying ok then. I'd tell him to go back and suck it up and step up at least until the twins were at school. It's a responsibility, it's a drudgery but go and do it. Pricks, the lot of them.

I think it’s great that he’s allowing the mother of his children, who has MH problems, to move home to family where she has family/friends/help.