Am I Just Nosey??

[DiddlyDee123]

Been with BF for nearly three years, friends before that. We have a lot of fun, our children get on well together, and spend a lot of time together.
My issue is that BF just doesn’t seem to share much about his life with me - doesn’t talk about anything that’s going on with his extended family, doesn’t mention any conversations with friends / colleagues, etc. A few times now, people have mentioned things about BF to me as if they expect me to know about them, when he actually hasn’t said a word - and I feel like such an idiot when that happens!
Is it weird that BF keeps himself to himself to this extreme, or am I expecting too much?

Yes that is strange . What do you talk about ? In most relationships it's the day to day chat that keeps you connected - telling each other about your day / wider life ?

@Thistooshallpass. He calls me every day on the way home from work to see how I am and we have a basic chat about how our days have been, then when we see each other of an evening we talk about things we’ve seen on the news, about things on TV, etc. I mention further bits about my day & DC. He’ll give short answers if I ask about his family, etc but that’s about it…

I personally think this is a man thing. They just don't think to mention as much stuff or even pay attention to it. I bet he'll drone on about his team or bob from work that's a slacker or insert hobbie.

I'm in a situationship with someone who is a closed book too. It's flagging up as "tread with caution" for me.

Following this thread with interest.

@anewergamer Interesting - so do you think it’s just that they don’t think that kind of thing is important - or none of our business? I don’t know whether to be offended or if I’m being overly familiar?

@DatingDinosaur is a ‘situationship’ how you want things to be, or does his lack of small talk add to the feeling that that’s the type of relationship you have? Perhaps I’m over invested, or my BF doesn’t see this is as serious of a relationship as I do…

I think mostly women are more social and more interested in what is happening in peoples lives. Sweeping generalization ( my phone insists I'm American here.) I tend to find Men are more focused. Women more aware of things around them, hence why we can supposedly multitask. Unless there's other red flags like phone hiding or gaslighting then I wouldn't be that worried he hasn't told you his cousin got a new cat.

@DiddlyDee123 We’re not dating. I’m interested in him romantically and trying to get to know him better.

I ask him questions which I don’t think are intrusive or too personal (general getting to know you questions about job, family, what he did at the weekend, or whatever) and get met with almost one word, evasive answers.

Then he goes and interrogates me about my life. Seeks me out to talk to. I get the “vibe” that he’s interested in me.

It’s just weird. Mixed signals. I’m wondering what he’s hiding, tbh.

Not the first time I’ve been attracted to or attracted the Closed Book type either. It becomes frustrating and unattractive fairly quickly though.

I agree that generally men are not as interested in discussing other people or see the point in chatting about stuff that doesn't directly effect them . But in a fairly long term relationship I think family and work colleagues would be general conversation with the person you're supposed to be closest to .

Do you feel your relationship is growing / developing or has sort of reached a plateau where he's happy to trundle along but you know you're expecting more and are keen for it to progress?

He might be more interested in your relationship than talking about other people. Including his extended family or work.
There's probably nothing to worry about.

@DatingDinosaur it’s frustrating, isn’t it? I’d say that him being interested in you is a good sign, but if things feel one-sided (as it does with me,too) - then it’s tricky

@Thistooshallpass. I half believe it’s just how he is - he’s quite a quiet person generally, so perhaps I just need to accept it as part of his personality?

@youvegottenminuteslynn This is my worry. Circumstances are such that we’re not in a position to progress to living together, etc for quite some time, but I don’t see that that means we shouldn’t still be developing our relationship. It does feel a bit like we’re just bobbing along sometimes - which is fine, to a point, as we have a great time together - but I know so want a deeper partnership than this and worry that that’s not where things are going

@Monty27 thank you 😊 I do have a tendency towards overthinking and am highly anxious. He does genuinely seem to care about me (which is new for me!) and don’t want to spoil things by worrying unnecessarily

I dated someone who barely ever mentioned anyone else in his life, if I hadn't known he had siblings and parents, it wouldn't be mentioned. I do think it's odd to not talk about family unless they're NC. Being interested in your relationship shouldn't preclude him from talking about other significant people in his life. I'd be questioning why that is.