Zero contact with sibling?

[TheNewFleabag]

I am low contact with a sibling after years of being treated badly and putting up with it. I have recently tried to mend relationships due to elderly parents being unwell and because it is in my nature to want to try to make things better. After her latest behaviour I have realised that she is negatively affecting my well-being and the best thing I can do is zero contact. But by going no contact with her, I risk relationships with other family as they invite her to everything. Do I just avoid all family events she is invited to?

I have no contact with a sibling. On the occasions that we are both invited to something, I go, and have as little interaction with my sibling as possible. I’ll be civil, say hello, but not engage in much conversation, I don’t ignore but I do just engage minimally, non-committal ‘mmm hmmm’, ‘yes’ etc without being rude. I’m not going to miss out on family events because of this toxic person and neither am I going to make it awkward for others around me, so I do what I have to do to pass myself.

Why would you miss family events, if you want to go to them, just because she's there? Give a cordial hello and then ignore. Don't allow her to dictate your relationship with your family.

I’m NC with my sister but none of the other family members speak to her anyway, if she was at an event I wouldn’t go but that hasn’t been the case luckily

I am NC with a sibling who is the golden child (which makes things a bit more complicated). As a result I tend to avoid most family events because I don’t want to put myself through the drama of their, or the flying monkeys’, behaviour. I go to big things and keep my distance but have accepted that part of the cost of keeping myself safe from their toxicity is losing relationships with the wider family. It’s a tough cost, but it’s worth it for my safety.

Thank you all, I really appreciate the advice.

@Aquamarine1029 I agree to an extent, the stubborn side of me thinks fuck her. But then I know that I will be very upset afterwards, so I guess it's a balancing act

I'm NC with my golden child sister, and it's meant that I'm now largely shunned by the rest of the family as they've all swallowed her sob story of being the victim.

It really really hurt to start with, but now I just accept that my life is better without always waiting for her next poison arrow to land in me. And although my circle of people is narrow, they're all genuine.

@Badger1970 my sister always plays the victim. It's so infuriating. She has an entire false narrative that she spreads and it upsets me that people might believe her. I think/hope that I am getting to the stage where I care less

am NC with a sibling after deciding enough was enough. i predicted at the time that i would soon be seen as the awkward one, but i’ve seen off flying monkeys and triangulation and couldn’t care less about being seen as the non-compliant one anymore. boundaries are boundaries!

if i know the sibling will be at smaller gatherings then i would stay away. i’ve managed to steer clear from them at bigger gatherings though.

@TheNewFleabag i was worried about the narrative for such a long time too. but via the flying monkeys and triangulation it became clear to me that people will not ever really understand why i drew a line, and actually had taken sides when they insisted they wouldn’t get involved. on the inside i’m okay with that, because i don’t need their validation. and i’m not waiting for the truth to reveal itself over time, i have had to fight a bit for the quiet life and now i intend to live it!

I'm NC with a sibling, going on five years now. Permanent. Still have nightmares every week but I'm glad I did it and won't ever be going back, as much as it breaks my heart.

Personally I couldn't/can't stand the idea of ever being in the same room as them again, it's too traumatising and even the thought makes my heart racing. I dread the day where there's a family funeral and I have to see them and will be a wreck. I avoid them at all costs.

You have to weigh up what will cause you more pain, missing family events, or seeing her.

Thank you @BobSacamono and @NalashixTerashkova for sharing. You have both given me lots to think about. For so long I was trying to repair the relationship to my own detriment. I think I will step back and avoid for now. I too have the same worries about family funerals, I know she will make it difficult.

I feel like a fool for even trying to repair relationships considering her actions but I dislike conflict. However in the process I have unwittingly let her treat me like a doormat, use me and put up with her bad treatment. I have decided to put a stop to that. Other people can make their own mind up and that is on them