unsure about taking morning after pill

[wellthisisinteresting]

I'm 40 and have been with my DP for 10 years, he is a couple of years older but not much.

During our early relationship we used condoms and then I went on Depo. After I came off it my periods stopped for 2 years and remained very irregular and infrequent after that. We had unprotected sex for just over a year after I stopped Depo. We weren't ttc exactly, more just being ready if something happened... it didn't. We'd both always said we'd like to have a child at some point but neither of us were really pushing for it. I suppose after that year I sort of wrote it off. Emotionally it was quite rough, it's not that I didn't care but times got so tough for us in the years that followed I thought that it might have been for the best really.

Anyway we went back to using condoms and then the relationship became sexless after the long time of stress and upheaval. Until last night...

So I'm sat here wondering what to do. My DP hasn't said anything and is just acting like it's a normal day. I'm wondering whether to get myself the morning after pill. I have no idea how likely it is that I could conceive from last night. I know the MAP isn't 100% effective and also the more I leave it the less effective it will be.

All that said I'm not young anymore and obviously not overly fertile so what if this was the one time I was destined to get pregnant and I stopped it? What if I get the MAP and then try to conceive and can't/don't.

I'm sorry to ramble. I don't have family in my life and my few close friends all have their own stuff going on right now. My periods are very infrequent and irregular so I'd have to test to know if I was pregnant. I always assumed I would have had a kid by this age, naive I know. Is it normal to be this uncertain? It that a sign I shouldn't?

Essentially I could order it online from Superdrug now and it would be here tomorrow with a chance of still working. Or I can potentially have a kid.

I suppose I'm asking if anyone has been in a similar situation.

This isn't a question about the morning after pill. The question is do you want to have a child (then do nothing and hope for the best) or not (in which case, order the pill).
Nobody can answer that question for you.

What would your instinctual response be if you found out you were pregnant OP?
And what would the practical implications be?
And - as far as you can know - how would your partner react?

@heldinadream I'd be happy but very ...freaked out I suppose. I've sort of made and accepted a child free life. So in terms of practicalities a lot would have to change but it would be doable. My partner would be happy but I don't think he's really sure either.

As I mentioned my family are out of the picture, so that ramps up the emotional side somewhat. I also feel a bit sorry for a potential person having to have me as their mum!

I just realised that tomorrow is Sunday, so I'd be too late now anyway to get delivery. So essentially I have tonight to think about it and I can go in the morning.

If you'd be happy to have a baby I wouldn't bother. Chances are you won't get pregnant anyway but if you do then that's not a bad thing, from what I can see.

Could you do it alone if his reaction isn't what you wanted?

Is it still a loving relationship even though it became sexless? Are you in a good place?

No-one's ever sure. Everyone has doubts.

How do you feel when you imagine taking the MAP? And if you were potentially pregnant and taking the MAP prevented it?

@girlmom21 I agree it's not all that likely, just a lot more likely than no chance at all which is what it was before.

I could do it alone but I doubt he'd not be happy about it. We are close despite getting off course intimacy wise.

@heldinadream That's essentially it. I've come to terms with not having a child but the idea that I might have done this time if I didn't interrupt the process would be very hard.

Thanks for your help, all. I won't be taking it.

If you're unsure then don't even consider taking it. What will be will be!