Choose between husband and son

[Cambslass17]

Try to make this short. 20yr old son living back home after 3 years away. Step dad ( my husband) and him never saw eye to eye. My son is in a relationship and has his girlfriend come over but my husband hates them having sex in our home. Its the 21st century and its one girl not different girls. There was some noisy sex which made us uncomfortable but since telling my son that has stopped. It has got to the point now where my husband is indirectly asking me to chose between my son staying or my husband leaving. Am i being unreasonable? Ive suggested she doesn't come over when just my husband is home in the afternoons. He says its disrespectful but im more relaxed about it. My husband suggested he leaves (during a drink induced argument) so i just said if was up to him. He hasnt spoken to me since. That was 2 days ago. Im not turning my back on my son he has no where else to go. My husband often says he can just leave whensver we have discussions and we dont agree. Just also to add ive slways felt guilty about leaving my childs father so have always trued my best to look after him. Advice please.

i don’t think you need to choose, I think you should be showing your husband the door!

It’s not a good marriage if every time you argue he threatens to leave.

If you’re happy with the set up with your son and his gf and don’t want to be with your husband anymore then tell him to leave. Is that what you want?

I dont want and shouldn't have to loose either of them. My husband never talks about it sober and you cant reason with someone with drink on board. He also never discusses anything with my son directly its always with me ad the go between. Ive had enough tbh but not sure i could manage financially alone. I have accumulated debt from past purchases made that weren't mine but are in my name so am responsible for.

Just have a chat and make sure bf tries to avoid bringing her at certain times. And puts on some music in his room if she is over and they are up to something.

Obviously, you choose your son who is doing nothing wrong.

Your son is an adult living at home who sometimes brings his long term girlfriend to stay - this is normal and is not causing an actual problem for anyone.

Your husband is an aggressive drunk, causing pointless arguments, trying to manipulate you with threats and making your son feel uncomfortable in his own home - he is the one who should go.

Instead of wondering about money if you part, arm yourself with facts.
Then use that knowledge to make your decision.
Presumably if your son is staying long term he can contribute to the expenses..get a part time job if necessary.
Dont let money stand in the way of freedom from a drunk.

Put the aggressive drunk out.

Is your son working?

Son every time.

Are these debts your husband’s, or your son’s?

if your husband’s, this in combination with the drinking isn’t sounding great.

On the other hand, if they are your son’s debts, then maybe your husband has more grounds to dislike him.

As a mother, I cannot understand how you can choose anyone else over your son? Kick your husband out. I am guessing the house is yours,

Your husband is a bully. And a drunk one to boot. This isn't even something you should have to think about. Your son is doing nothing wrong.

How old was your ds when you and dh got together? Was he living at home then?

Your son needs to rent a place with his girlfriend. He’s a sexually active adult and your husband shouldn’t be embarrassed or feeling uncomfortable in his own home. Sort them out with help towards a deposit.

I’d ask the son not to have girlfriend over but if push came to shove the son wins every time

The debt are in my name for things bought predominantly for dh. My son works ….at the same place as dh!

My son cant afford a place of his own. Rooms in Shared houses where we live are more than £650/month its not easy for kids to just fond a place ad someone suggested.

Whose house is it? If it’s both your house, it’s only fair he has a say in who lives under his roof. And if he isn’t comfortable then your son has to move out. In the nicest possible way. Give him some notice.

If it’s your house then you should decide, and if he wants to leave then that’s his choice.

Is you son working and contributing to the house fairly? Paying his way, doing household tasks?

Husband sounds like an arse, son doesn't (going purely on the information given here). No contest for me.

This

Never ever a choice for me. Kids first always

So your husband has put you in debt too?

What a waster.

I wouldn't put him before my son.

Can your ds and gf get a place together?

So your husband is abusive about your son when he’s pissed, he’s run up debts in your name for things for himself, he regularly threatens to leave you during rows and he’s now demanding you choose between him and your son?

He’s an absolute cunt.

Someone will be song with good advice re: the financial predicament you see yourself in, but you have got to leave this nasty prick.

Any man who asks you to get your son to leave isn't worth fighting for. He's still only 20 and it's entirely normal and reasonable to still live at him at that age. The drinking and being unpleasant and getting you in to debt in your name all adds up as well.

In short, I would never chose a man over my child. Especially when the child has done nothing wrong.