Partner in contact with ex

[callyscake]

My partner of two years is unwell at the moment. He's in hospital facing an upsetting diagnosis.
For context, he is in what could be called mind altering drugs.
I've just found out that he has contacted his ex partner of years.
They ended badly nearly four years and had no contact since.
The contact was casual and polite and he tell her that he was in a relationship.
They left it at that and there has been no contact since. This was a week ago.
He hasn't told me that he's been in contact with her and there is absolutely no interest on her part.
I feel sick to my stomach after hearing this, literally minutes ago.
I know his ex partner and we get in well. She is not a trouble maker and knows I appreciate straight talking.
Why do I feel like this apart from the fact that he knows I wouldn't like it
For context , I have major trust issues that I've been working through and we are very happy together and plan for the future.
Thanks. This is my first ever post .

Thanks.
She is adamant that he is not a cheater. Never was , never that way inclined.
She truly believes that he was trying to tie up loose ends when he has had a big health scare. That coupled with boredom and they were together when similar happened him before.
I suppose I worry that there are residual feelings for her although she is on the verge of engagement to her oh.
If he recomtacted her and asked to meet for a coffee or something when he gets better , would that raise alarm bells .
He would not tell me as he knows that of go nuts and finish with him.

So, you’re in contact and friendly with his ex and yet you’re upset that he dares to talk to her? Do you two have some kind of agreement that she would tell you if he ever contacted you?

You sound quite the piece of work TBH and if a woman posted on here that her ex was friendly with her partner but her partner had become upset at you contacting him or any other men for that matter she would be told he was a control freak and to ltb.

If I were him I would seriously rethink this relationship.

So when he was supposedly out of his head with these drugs- it was is ex that he was thinking about and wanted to contact.
is he that into you.?

That is something to think about @tableanadchairs , hard as it is to hear.

He was very loved up and sometimes inappropriately so all through the initial treatment.
He has been so loving. There has been no change. In fact his feelings seem to have deepened.

Why were you secretly in touch with his ex?

Can you see how hypocritical and bizarre it is to feel betrayed by him for doing the same thing, when he actually had a previous relationship with her and he mentioned you so not like he was trying it on?

I've had serious illnesses that have caused me to reflect and reach out to people to gain closure / make amends or share memories.

He's facing a serious and emotional diagnosis you say.

Maybe focus more on how he might be feeling and less on feeling annoyed he's done something you've only found out because you've been doing the same thing...

I know I was wrong to have any contact . We just clicked and made the connection . You're right. I am being hypocritical. It's a tough lesson

SorryOp but you sound horiibly controlling and not in a mental placed to be dating when you have unresolved issues from your ex cheating on you. I feel bad for the poor guy who is unwell in the hospital and instead of his gf supporting him, she is talking to his ex behind his back.

And in terms of his behavior, its perfectly fine and reasonable to contact his ex after a health scare considering he has had a previous health scare while he was with her. He talked about u and ur relationship to her. Does he need to report to u every time he has a normal friendly conversation with females? Or just his exes? 🤔

At the same time, you have actively and purposely befriended his ex and keeping it a secret it from. There is only one person who is a lying hypocrite and that's not him!

Thanks everyone. I see that the contact is a bad thing which is why it dwindled to nothing until she contacted me to tell
Me that.
I'm not on a good place mentally the moment so thanks for responding and I've taken it all on board.

I think youve reinforced your own trust issues and are now projecting them onto your new partner, I think he deserves to know that youve been friends with his ex before you 'go nuts and finish with him' so he doesnt take the trust issues youre giving him into his next relationship