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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Been to a solicitor

4 replies

Picklybilly88 · 07/05/2022 09:34

So, following on from an earlier thread which I removed due to some harsh and unkind comments. Very sensitive at the moment.
my DH had messaged another woman and met for coffee. Blah….
He is always out, drinking etc. I am happy at home, a home bird and we don’t have any common interests at the moment.
He wants us to work. To “let” my keep my wages to myself and not pay out 2/3 of mine on bills in future. We have no joint finance or accounts. I had suggested a joint everything.
He earns a lot of money 85-100k and I don’t (16k) although I work hard for minimum wage and studying to do better (late career change due to injury).

I made the decision to visit a fixed fee solicitor to get some advice if we divorce.
he was the loveliest chap.

basically, he was shocked about my contributions to the pot each month and how little money I have in comparison.He said to me that it’s financial abuse and was sorry for me.

His advice, sell the house and split the 200k equity
claim half of DH business
half of his pension.

At this point I would like to stay in our family home with DC until he is 18.
DC was born here.

Has anyone just got to keep the house and not gone there with a business and pension and spousal maintenance (worth a lot more if I go there).

Solicitor said it’s a battle with these cases but I should be away initially with around 250-270k to buy a house outright and also claim maintenance. He was really sad about my situation. Genuinely, and is not pushing for my business at all. He advised do a divorce online if it comes to it and he will answer questions free of charge.

or work on the marriage??? It is a long marriage.

I have booked in with a marriage guidance counsellor, mostly for my benefit and trust now he broke it.

none of this makes sense. Sorry

OP posts:
CrapBucket · 07/05/2022 09:37

I can't say what you should do but wishing you luck. I split from 20+ year marriage and we sold the family home. I think the kids are more affected by the house move than by not seeing much of their dad tbh. However there was no other way I could work out of affording it.

EdgeOfSeventeenAndThreeQuarter · 07/05/2022 09:43

Take this man’s help and advice! In my experience it’s a VERY RARE male solicitor will openly say it’s abuse and you should take him to the cleaners!

don’t bother with counselling - it’s not advised when there’s abuse within the marriage. The abuser will manipulate the situation and gaslight the shit out of it.

please send this solicitor an email RIGHT NOW before you change your mind and say “let’s do this”.

your son will never remember where he was born - even if he visits a mystic - he will remember his dad being a cunt though.

Picklybilly88 · 07/05/2022 10:11

EdgeOfSeventeenAndThreeQuarter · 07/05/2022 09:43

Take this man’s help and advice! In my experience it’s a VERY RARE male solicitor will openly say it’s abuse and you should take him to the cleaners!

don’t bother with counselling - it’s not advised when there’s abuse within the marriage. The abuser will manipulate the situation and gaslight the shit out of it.

please send this solicitor an email RIGHT NOW before you change your mind and say “let’s do this”.

your son will never remember where he was born - even if he visits a mystic - he will remember his dad being a cunt though.

Straight to the point and I love that.
He did skirt around the word abuse and it was kind of off chat. He was an old school lawyer about to retire.

OP posts:
Picklybilly88 · 07/05/2022 10:12

CrapBucket · 07/05/2022 09:37

I can't say what you should do but wishing you luck. I split from 20+ year marriage and we sold the family home. I think the kids are more affected by the house move than by not seeing much of their dad tbh. However there was no other way I could work out of affording it.

Are you happy now? No regrets?
my son would like to move as a family, sadly.

OP posts:
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