I went out with my ex last night ...

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

... and was reminded why he is my ex!

Even though I chucked him months ago we are on fairly good terms, and had tickets for a concert bought in 2019 that finally happened after two or three (lost count) Covid-related cancellations. I was reasonably happy to go out with him, but the attitude never stops!

I've got fibromyalgia and some days I am OK, some not so good. When I get up from sitting for a while I am sometimes like Bambi until I can get moving. He said "God you're like an old woman".

In the queue to go in "come on you are holding people up" (I was always being told to "watch my back" as if everyone else was more important than me). No, they have to wait their turn, just as I do. Nobody is more important than anyone else.

Challenging him about this "I'm not discussing it" reminded me how I was regularly silenced.

Otherwise it was a good evening when the chat was normal. It felt so good to go home by myself without him, though. Some guys never change. With him, the irritants became far too much. I can't understand why people can't just get on and have to be such pains in the arse!

Oh it's nice not to have any regrets!

On my last contact with an ex (millions of years ago now) he showed me some hideous trainers he'd bought for his new GF.
He was a cheat & a liar but for some reason it was the ugly trainers that really gave me a sense of relief that this dickhead wasn't my problem anymore.

I was told off for singing along with songs because I'm"tone deaf and flat as a fart". Who cares? Doesn't stop me singing!

You did well OP to keep your cool. I've learnt the hard way that keeping in touch with an ex is a complete waste of time and can cause more problems than its worth. Sounds like you enjoyed it as best you could x

I was told off for singing along with songs because I'm"tone deaf and flat as a fart". Who cares?

Sorry, I would care.

Look he’s an Ex for a reason.

Thank you for mentioning the Bambi legs- I have Fibro and am like that too! I don't need anyone to remind me it's like I'm an old woman!

What a great reminder of why he's an ex.

Well! It least you won't be wondering 'what if...'. He sounds really mean, FWIW.

Although I have fibromyalgia and ADHD, I am a university lecturer. Not that they're mutually exclusive of course. I was only diagnosed with fibromyalgia in January 2020 but I knew something hadn't been right for a few years. I was diagnosed with ADHD at university.

My ex seemed to see me as flawed, damaged goods or slight seconds, I think. I don't see myself that way at all, but the knowledge that someone else does is irritating. He never actually said so, but his attitude gave it away. I have problems with directions, both driving and walking sometimes. I once turned right instead of left out of a bar and he said I needed to have a carer. Instead of telling me "it's this way", he made a big deal out of it to try and be superior.

He could genuinely be a good conversationalist and great company, but not a good listener and could be snipy, and immensely opinionated which didn't work for me. I used to ignore the comments, because I had a good enough sense of who I am for myself and his opinion didn't really matter to me. But it got too annoying to put up with anymore. That is why he is an ex!

What an irritating man!
DH has his own strengths and weaknesses, so I don't get any criticism on that front. I get frustrated that I can't keep up at times, or have wasted my limited energy on something that wasn't my priority- looking around another free to enter castle, instead of going to a museum, for example he's tight and likes castles.
I miss the me that could do both, and still engage in a heated discussion about politics in the evening. I had to do a full reset when I first got ill. Still, some spoons is better than none!

were you hoping for more from the evening?

Are you asking if I hoped we'd get back together? As I dumped him, never in a month of Sundays to quote my grandmother. There's absolutely no mileage in it.I was with him from university days so a quarter of a century. He got worse as he got older. Telling me to keep my voice down all the time because I'm loud, criticising that I don't wear high heels often enough, reminding me my roots need doing, comments about the amount of make up I wore, shutting me down if I mentioned my cats. I had an imaginary bingo card when with him to see which he mentioned. It didn't hurt me, but it pissed me off and amused me in equal measure.

And as I no longer fancy him, then that's a definite no.

Probably best to not see him again then. The faults loom larger in hindsight eh. I've found with my exes that the old advice of leaving the past in the past was what happened.