I think I am a serial dater and now I feel backed into a corner

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I loved DP before I found out I was pregnant. He didn’t have the best initial reaction (unplanned) but has taken it largely in his stride and said he wants to support me. In my usual way with relationships in general, I’ve now recoiled from things. I feel like ive totally gone off him! Even before this I did sometimes I have doubts about him but I’m 35 and have had doubts with absolutely everyone ive been with… I had a habit of meeting someone, being very into it, then slowly going cold and looking for the next one. Some people said I just hadn’t met the right person, but honestly, I’ve had my fair share of dating experiences and relationships and it I am truthful with myself the problem was me not necessarily always the relationship.

I’m not model material but I have found it very easy to date - overall as a package I am not unattractive, good job, can be very good at communicating and forming bonds quickly. this has meant I often jumped ship with ease - not to say that I didn’t fall in love, as I did.

suddenly the life of dating and relationships and new people is closing in on me now I am pregnant and I’m wondering if I’m with the right man. I keep thinking I should keep dating and then thinking about lots of ex’s and whether this would have been better with them! And DP is a man that I really did love before I found out I was pregnant.

good points about him:

hard working
earns ok/well 90k
sensible in that you wouldn’t find him drunk in a pub on a Friday night not coming home
Both enjoy walking and cinema and books
intelligent
means well even if he gets it wrong sometimes

bad points:

struggles with being efficient with day to day tasks like paying a bill. This can take up to an hour and drives me insane.
can be very serious especially after a long day at work and it can make the home feel a bit gloomy
not massively sociable so nearly all social engagements come from my side of the relationship and not his
good sex life but he’s happy with it being infrequent
spontaneity is lacking

ive confided in friends about this and they just say to grasp the relationship, that he’s a good enough man and that given I desperately want a family/kids, to go for it and stop always looking round the corner for better or looking back thinking I missed the one.

Why do I feel like this?! It’s possible he isn’t right of course, or it’s possible he’s right enough and plenty of people make the best of things. I think I used to love the not really knowing who was round the corner, there was always someone else, a new adventure to be had. Sounds immature doesn’t it. How many times do I want to keep rolling the dice on a relationship and why do I do it when I really want kids and to settle down?

I think dating these days gives you a lot of choice and makes you think "well this is ok but what else could be out there ?"
My only opinion is that it means a lot to be good mates and to support one another even if you don't have every thing in common that's actually ok! And I want to punch my husband some days but we're mostly really good together
If you keep waiting for something that's perfect you'll be waiting forever/ you can have problems and arguments and hate them sometimes and still be happy and loved

And yes sometimes you should look at the life you want and if this person could be part of it and it's not "settling" bit growing up and seeing that life is also about being settled taken care of etc - I think passionate love fades anyway and you settle into contentment and sometimes the person you dismiss as not being the exciting passionate love of your life could actually turn out to be just that
When you have kids a lot of things like stability and trust and support mean a lot more than fun and excitement

It sounds like you want the dopamine hit. Excitement and validation. Having a baby involves a lot of monotonous labour in the first few months. Its hard work and utterly unglamorous.

How far gone are you?

I think you're now of a mindset where you'll find it hard to be happy or settled with one person. I personally would want therapy to explore this further. Nothing wrong with you of course, but I would seek to understand it (especially now that you're pregnant).
What did you learn about relationships and attachment styles as you grew up?
I've never been of the 'just settle, he's good enough' school of thought, but trust me, the blessedness won't last forever ... particularly now you'll have a kid in tow!
Good luck with everything.

I think you could take MEN and DATING out of the equation here and work on a more loving relationship with yourself. You don't need novelty from an outside source every 18 months. You can give yourself what you need, little by little, day by day.

Tune in to yourself better. You say you can communicate well and I don't doubt that you're articulate but are you listening to yourself, are you responding to yourself? I'm sure that sounds like hokey when you're reading it! Therapy helps with this. I did undergo a focus shift in therapy. I suddenly realised ''I don't need to fix this, I need to protect myself''. That was a big deal for me.

My family of origin never connected with me on a very authentic or deep level. Everything is kept shallow. Connecting with my family of origin or trying to, that makes them feel angry. That definitely affected my relationships with men. I'm single now. But there's only really one man (the most recent) where we ever got through the first rush stage. He's an ex too and yeh, it was me who ended it, but we did get through that stage. So, hooray.

Maybe it's a case of "I wouldn't want to join any club that would be willing to have me as a member".

Maybe you just don't want to be in long term commited relationships. Maybe you're actually happier single or with short term flings.

Not everyone has to 'settle down'. Why not just be who you are and honest about it to yourself. Rather than fitting yourself into a box you neither enjoy, or belong in. At least, right now.

OP I can completely relate. I finally "settled" for/down with DP when I was 34 and 7 years in I still wonder if we are right for each other even though I do love him and he's a good man. I think I'll always miss that initial spark and being chased but it's all just superficial and fades away, whoever you are with. We have children and he is a good dad as well which complicates it as I have to consider them in any choices I'd make about the future.

Once the child arrives your priority will shift from you and your partner on to the baby. Pregnancy and childbirth will push you to your physical extreme. Whether he is "good enough' or 'not will become irrelevant, as in the way you're pondering about it now. Children change relationships beyond belief. If the relationship doesn't last the course, you'll see how involved or not he is as a parent