Just Divorced

[ASmallBoxofChocolateBunnies]

As it says on the tin, applied for Absolute today. Granted within the hour. Last time I posted it went a bit tits up, but am here feeling desolate.

Expected to feel sad but this is, wow, pain.

I know I am strong, I know I am worth more, but, wow. I am hurting like a bastard and would love a bit of a handhold.

I’ll hold your hand x

Do you want to talk about why you split? I think whatever the circumstances, nobody gets married thinking it will end in divorce and it’s ok to feel how you are feeling right not. You can grieve for the future you thought you would have.

I am two weeks out of an awful, abusive relationship and tonight I feel like either curling up in a ball and sobbing or begging him to take me back. Even though it was toxic, I’m still grieving.

It will pass, I promise, but be kind to yourself in the meantime xx

I am sorry you are feeling this way. You are grieving for yourself, your past and what you thought your future would hold. Be kind to yourself in small ways

Oh lovely. I'm midway through divorce, and even though it was my decision I've never known a roller-coaster like it. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and it'll be OK. Hard to believe, but it will seem brighter again soon!

When you get married, you hope for a happy ending. Sadly, your marriage didnt work out that way. I would imagine that you're currently grieving that it didnt end the way you wanted it to. Please don't ever see it as a failure. Please see today being powerful enough to move away from a relationship that wasn't making you happy.
Be proud of yourself.

Thank you Soph, I've had some threads here in the early days with massive support, and am currently a bottle of wine down...

We had the 'smug married' relationship for 20 years. Circumstance meant he moved away to work. He reconnected with an old flame and within months we were toast. He blamed me in a variety of ways, I begged (Oh how I wish I'd got angry instead). Within the past few months he's told me leaving me was the worst decisions he'd ever made in his life.

But he's stayed because it's easier, and he doesn't have to face anything. I'm sure they'll be married soon.

I still love who he was. I miss who he was. I mourn the loss of my family, and of my best friend and my love.

I appreciate what I have, but wow. I did not expect to feel quite so shit.

I know 'new beginnings', 'onwards and upwards' etc, and I will get there, but just at this moment I feel small and sad and I miss my mum who has been dead for 21 years but who cuddled the best.

Oh thank you lovely people who posted after I'd waffled xx

I think I know how you feel and it's really hard. And unexpected, just hits you.
. It still hurts now. Divorced 2 years ago, over a glitch and a misunderstanding, we grew distant, he ignored me, I was unhappy, felt unloved, wanted to have a bit of a time out (still lived together and 4 children). He was at first upset, then suspicious there was someone else (there wasn't), then declared his everlasting love and then a week later started "courting" a neighbour a few houses down just as I thought we'd started sorting our feelings out. All this in the space of 4 months.
he didn't want to divorce just wanted me to move out, leave the children with him, and him to be free to date other women.
i eventually filed for divorce a year later. the Day my absolute was granted I felt so sad, it was akin to grief. We were together 11 years, married 10.
Hugs xxx

Oh sweetheart, no advice but a hug, I hope you feel better over time

It’s a bereavement of sorts, not the death of a person but the death of a marriage and what you wanted for the future. It hurts now but like all grief you learn to live with it. You just live differently. Give yourself time to cry, feel sad and then get angry. How dare he have treated you like he did. Then you start to heal and life gets better. It’s a process and I’m sorry you have to go through it.

Thank you all.

I am essentially in a good place.

I have lovely family and friends. Lots of things have gone so right, and I am hugely fortunate and blessed.

There is nothing different between the time before the Absolute was granted and after it was granted.

But I loved that man. And our marriage was good right up to the point he decided otherwise. I've gone down the route of looking for reasons it was actually shit, thinking that would make me feel better, but it wasn't, and it didn't.

I thought knowing he felt the same would make it better. But actually the fact he's admitted it was all for nothing just made it worse. Our family was fab.

And he will go on, and probably marry OW, and it's fine, but not brilliant, and I will go on with my life because I am very fortunate to have wonderful people in it, but it is such a waste.

I so want to be able to say, 'well this was shit', or ' he was crap' as I think it would be easier. But he wasn't, and it wasn't.

And knowing he knows his leaving was a shitshow does not make it better at all.

And I will get past this, and I know how fortunate I am. But just now, I don't feel strong, or fortunate.

And I want to shout at the universe that this is crap, and unfair and I don't deserve it, and our kids don't deserve it.

And so endeth the self-pity.

You sounds like an incredible woman and I’m sorry your lovely mum isn’t here to give you one of those hugs x

Loads of love to you, I look back at my 20+ marriage and it was never a good relationship, and thats hard enough. Saying goodbye to a loving and respectfull relationship must be really difficult. I do feel for you.

I think that's the hardest thing, that it was a good marriage and relationship. I have tried so hard to see those red flags, to realise those parts that were shit, but there weren't any.

It was literally a perfect storm of circumstances. No lie. I wanted to find them. It would have been so much easier.

I am strong. I've been doing this, and will continue to do this. And I have a lot of love in my life.

But the waste. The loss. The fact he knows what he discarded. What we has wasn't special, or magical - except to us - I'm not kidding myself it was some superior thing. But it was real, and lovely and we would and should be together now in perfectly normal and average happiness.

He left over 2 years ago and has been a sod, and I have dealt with it. But the person I loved for 22 years was fab and I love him still. Despite this weird dickhead taking his place.

And that is hard.