Does anyone dream about being a single mum?

[Yorkie88]

My DH isn't a bad man. But a bit of an idiot. I don't think I respect him

We have 2DS. The first one is 4 and HV thinks he may be autistic. The second one is a baby who doesn't sleep.

DH does about 5% - 10% of childcare. And he does cooking and food shopping. BUT I just can't stand him parenting with him. I read all about autism, behaviour, sleep, etc and try my best to make things better. He just makes stuff up. Like if the 4yr old refuses his bath my DH will put him in by force but I know this is traumatic for DS. DH says I'm a doormat. We talk about different approaches all the time. But I read and think about it. He parents on "instinct".

I just want him to fuck off. I'm not proud of myself. I know he's their dad but honestly I think I could do it so much better if he'd just go away

He needs to learn more about autism. And not traumatise his children. His instincts sound a bit shit.

I’m much happier now I’m a single
mum. My ex was vile to me and a shit dad to our daughter . But I kept taking him back as wanted to be a family . I was so miserable and cried all the time . Now I’m on my own yes it’s lonely and can be hard but well worth it .

Yeah. He won't accept the autism thing. HV told him it was most likely hereditary which went down awfully. DH just thinks DS needs to know whose boss. He's good at nursery so presumes it's because we are "weak". If he'd read anything he'd understand the reasons kids can behave differently at nursery

Anyway. I'm not gonna persuade him. So what do I do? Divorce him so he can force my DS to have a bath/eat his vegetables/put him on the naughty step without me being there to stop him

I'm pretty sure I parent my child better than her dad would.
I am single though 🤣

Unlikely he'll want custody though! Or he'll find a mug of a woman who will do the parenting for him instead....

Living part-time with a shit dad is better than full-time.

Being a single parent is hard.

Parenting alongside a twat is also hard.

My xh doesn’t believe our dc is autistic. He is a knob.

It's got to get the point when the bad outweighs the good.
I'm single.
It's bad being with someone who's shit. And worth leaving sometimes.
Being a single parent brings different challenges depending on where you are in life/what your child is like/if the dad will even communicate

I am prepared for hard. Its feeling powerless. Like when DH play fights with DS but takes it too far and I can see DS getting upset...and then I have to shout to get DH to stop and DS gets even more upset. I'm failing as a mum. But someone says being with part time shitty dad is better than full time...but full time I'm there to fix it or stop it or give my DS lots of kisses if he gets upset. I don't think I can bear the thought of dropping them off for the weekend with my dh.

I feel your pain

There is no answer. Splitting doesn't solve anything. Staying together feels awful. I feel so trapped

I’m exactly the same with three children two autistic and the other on waiting list for assessment.
everything seems to be my fault . I’m too soft with the kids or I let them get away with too much .
All I can think about is me living with the kids in our home without him but I don’t know how to start the conversation. I don’t even know we’re he would go or how the kids would react.

it’s gonna come to the point we’re i blow up though as we are either not talking to each other or he’s talking to me like shit on a daily basis.

I like the fish analogy - it doesn't recognise it's in water because that's it's everyday environment.

If you can remove your child from an environment where they are belittled and their disability is ignored, then they stand a chance at being able to recognise it's wrong to be treated this way. Right now all you're doing is helping your husband continue to abuse him. Harsh, maybe, but true.

You shouldn't have to fight in your own house for your child to feel safe and understood. Believe me you may find yourself advocating at school, with extended family and friends and in public. I have a ds with Asd it took time for dh to get this head round parenting a asd child but he was open to learn. I'd personally leave if he isn't willing to change as child will fair better with one safe place than none.

But you’re not fixing it by being there with this man full time, this man is harming his child in front of your very eyes with you looking on and subsequently intervening. Home as it is currently is no sanctuary for your son.

And such a man like this is not really bothered with his child now so he is unlikely to be bothered with him post separation either. He will likely try and use his child as a pawn to further punish you for having the gall to leave him, he thinking he is an all perfect specimen in his head.

I thought the same. Staying together to protect the children. Their dad also didn't believe the diagnosis we were given. The children just needed more discipline. Etc.

He left in the end. And it was the best thing he could of done. The children have a safe and happy home. No shouting or bullying. It is calm and predictable. They did go eow. But ex became less and less interested and they voted with their feet.

It is a much healthier and happier environment for us. Being a single parent has its challenges. Mainly financially as ex doesn't pay child support. Changes jobs or goes self employed when they catch up with him. But the pros far outweigh the cons

You are not failing as a mum, he is failing as a dad.

My ex “doesn’t believe in autism” - despite both me and my eldest being diagnosed.

my eldest is old enough to see his father is a twat and regularly opts NOT to visit his dad. Also, as another poster mentioned - he found another woman to do the “parenting” stuff when they visit.

it’s not easy being a single mum, but we have a mostly happy home (obviously I lose my shit 😂) - but the children are happy and secure.

My eldest is just out of the bath - he hates showers due to the curtain/cubicle. His dad makes him have showers…