Stressed partner/cam girls

[Mummyrere]

Hi there,

Me and my partner have been together three years and have a 6 month old boy (all happened very quick!)

my partner is a very stressed person and he cannot unwind. He works a good job which I understand he does so he can bring in money for me and our baby so we don’t need to worry too much about money and enjoy the baby times - so I don’t want to sound ungrateful but he is so so so stressed all the time and it’s draining. He gets home from work (late) and talks about work until he goes to bed (usually can’t sleep) on the weekends he’s just knackered and lays on the sofa saying how stressed he is. Because of this he hasn’t bonded with our son. I do everything for him in the house and with looking after our son in the hope that it will ease some stress but it never does. I convinced him finally to go to the doctor and he started an anti-depressant but it doesn’t seem to work. I keep suggesting ideas but he just doesn’t seem to want to listen.

it has severely affected our sex life. He never wants to have sex which has made me completely insecure (especially after having a baby) but he’s always assured me it wasn’t me. Last month I found on his phone that he was paying cam girls for private shows and sending messages. He completely broke down as I was near to leaving and he has apologised and explained that it’s a distraction from his brain when he gets stressed but it will never happen again. Apart from this he is a lovely man who does a lot for me and is kind and we communicate amazingly. I just can’t deal with a partner who is like this.

Has anyone had anything similar which they recovered from? I don’t know whether it will be better off being skint and alone with my baby or staying with someone for security but having this sense of stress and depression in the air all the time?

Sorry OP but he is a scumbag, feeling stressed is not an acceptable or credible reason for his behaviour.

We all have stresses in life but it's how you handle them- he knows full well this isn't ok and now you will no longer trust him too

Why on earth do you think staying with this person is a good idea?
Have some respect for yourself and leave him and the cam girls to it
If he's doing this he has zero respect
For you I'm afraid

I'm not sure I could forgive that.

Unless he makes some monumental and tangible changes - IE. Changes jobs to reduce stress, counseling, pitching in round the house and with baby- even then it would be hard.

I don't think I would call being with him 'security'. You'll spend your life looking over your shoulder.

I don't have much sympathy with your DH, OP. Even leaving the cam girls aside, he sounds absolutely useless. When my DC were little my DH was working very long hours in a stressful job (better now), that didn't mean he spent every weekend lying on the sofa moaning.

@worriedaboutmoney2022 i get what you’re saying. I suppose I’m in a very insecure and vulnerable state at the moment so I’m finding it harder to just up and leave. I was in a ten year relationship before this and married for 2 years so I just really thought this was the right one and I suppose I don’t want to admit this hasn’t worked too. Aswell with my son I just desperately want him to have a good life and have things and experiences as I never had when I was a child. Also I would just have no where to go and feel like I really wouldn’t be able to trust anyone again if my partner could of done this to me because he is the most UNLIKELY person to ever do something like this. I suppose I’m just in denial

He’s an absolute arse. Spending family money on cam girls and being a lazy arse when there is a tiny baby to look after - what a shitbag of a man.

I find it hard to know how much realistically I should expect him to pitch in and do. Over the years I’ve convinced myself that because he works hard and earns most of the money means I should be the one to do everything at home. He is always grateful for what I do and constantly telling me how much he appreciates it, but actions speak more than words to me and would prefer the help at home

My partner has a very demanding, very stressful job ...team of 30 below him, a very combative industry with lots of arguing and stress.

He might talk about worl sometimes, but not all evening when he can home.

He stepped up and looked after our child 50 50 in evenings and at weekends.

Your partner is taking the piss out of you.

And that's before even getting on to cam.sex, which is interactive and therefore cheating in my book and many others.

Nor does he have the right to spend your household, family momey on sex workers.

suppose I don’t want to admit this hasn’t worked too.

It's not your failure, it's his.

Not worked out ... more like his behaviour is unacceptable and you had the self respect, integrity and guts to end it.

And you don't have to go this minute ... lay your plans, gm when it suits you best.

Just dint become a boiled frog and stay, or worse still, get pregnant again by him.

No one stringer than a woman who realises a man isn't good enough for her and walks away to do it alone...

There's no prize for staying with a shit for the sake of not being single.

Jesus. Stress is no excuse for cam girls, or to not bother With your son

He's very stressed but he's using that as an excuse for the cam girls. He does that because it turns him on.

He needs to find a new job even if that means a bit less money.

I was with someone who was sneaking to strip clubs whilst i was at home with a baby. Found webcams activity on his ipad too. Didn’t want to have any sex with me.
we had 2 kids and i am now happily divorced.