To be petty or not?

[RevengeOrNot]

I know I shouldn’t, I know I am better BUT

I know something about my ex that if made public, would definitely result in him losing his job and company vehicle.

Normally I am not one for revenge, a life well lived and all that, but this man has abused me (emotionally and once physically) for years, taken a lot of money from me, cheated and lied repeatedly and really messed with my mental health.

I am much stronger now, but a part of me really wants to hurt him.

So would you, or wouldn’t you?

I wouldn't but you do you.

I wouldn't no. It wouldn't gratify me. But everyone different.

If I was in your situation I would probably feel exactly the same but because I'm not in your situation I can at least offer a more objective point, and that is to ask yourself what the potential effect on you might be if you choose this course of action?
I'm not talking about karma as that might not be something you believe in, but there could be potentially negative consequences to you which you haven't thought of yet? Sometimes, taking no action works out better in the long-term?

If it's serious enough that he would lose his job, does withholding the information put anyone else at risk? If there would be any benefit to the safety or welfare of others in it, I would speak up. I wouldn't do it just for revenge.

No, no risk to anyone else or I would have done it without hesitation.

He wouldn’t know it was me that gave the tip off, so no risk to me and he is well aware that if he makes any contact with me again he would be arrested.

Ive moved far from where he is also.

I am pretty sure I won’t do it but my God am I tempted to bring him down

Take the high road and move on. It won't feel good.

If he doesn't know it would be you then do it.

Wanting revenge and dwelling on how to get it is essentially allowing him rent free space in your head and preventing you moving on. Bad things happen to good people and sometimes there’s no punishment for people who have done bad things. That’s life. Your energy is better focussed on improving your own life, not wasted on thinking about him.

Besides, how much shittier would you feel if your perceived guaranteed way of having him lose his job and car wasn’t as foolproof as you think and neither happened? It would just make you even more bitter.

I wouldn't. It's the sort of thing that you think will make you feel better but it probably won't. Though if someone else caused his downfall (or he manages to blow it himself) you would not be unreasonable to be absolutely delighted.

You’re all absolutely right, and I won’t do it.

It really sucks sometimes that people can do so much to you and then just carry on with their lives.

I will keep reminding myself that my biggest revenge is in living a happy love, knowing he is who he is, and he’ll never be happy really.

Carry on with their miserable, angry lives.

It's important to remember that you have escaped from a life with him-related drama in it.

Don't deliberately invite more him-related drama in. It's not a battle. It' over.

Go for it OP. Sounds like he deserves it.

I can see the temptation, but i’d think hard about how you would feel after the initial buzz of the revenge wore off. Would you feel guilty or feel that you went against your values? Or do you think you can square it in terms of how he treated you?

Personally, i’ve been tempted myself with revenge but ended up keeping my mouth shut and getting on with my life. I ended up happier and with the moral high ground which feels quite nice! However, the sort of revenge id have taken would have come back on me

sorry hit send too soon! It would have come back on me and would have been messy, so I decided to just leave it be and I am happy with that decision now, quite a bit of time on.

I think you need to take away from this you’re still thinking about him too much and have not moved on. Focusing on getting yourself to a healthier place is better for you.

Is whatever he did illegal, a case of gross misconduct, or just morally reprehensible?

Just after I had split with my first husband I would happily have pushed him into a woodchipper if I could have got away with it.

Many years later I have seen how the best punishment for these crappy people is having to live with their crappy selves.

Sounds pretty dangerous if you need the police involved if he gets near you. I personally I would keep that a surprise, a bargaining chip if he does find you.

Wouldn't be hard to guess that it may be a bitter ex. He could hire a private detective to track her down and then who knows what he may do to her. A restraining order shows what kind of man he is. OP leave it well alone.

If you are absolutely sure he wouldn't find out that you had done it ... go for it! The bugger deserves is. I'd do it!

IT. He deserves IT.

Edit. Edit now ...

I would.

I reported my dh for drink driving.. Then I filed for divorce.. The smug twat kept his job despite losing his license for 2 years.