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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I don't know what to do

30 replies

Dani80 · 06/05/2022 08:15

I have been with my partner for a year and half. Everything was great until a few months ago.
He's always enjoyed a few cans after work but the last few months he's been getting up earlier so he can have a couple of Stella's before work, on his days off he gets up and goes straight to the fridge for a can and will drink all day apart from when hes having a nap but starts again soon as he wakes up.

He is starting to pick at everything and anything lately, complaining constantly about things me and my kids do. Yesterday my older boys treated me to lunch at pizza hut, soon as I'd picked him up from work he started, "no point having tea now you've had pizza hut" "you must have been there 2 hours because you was only driving home when I phoned" he just kept making digs and saying hes not eating now no point but I personal think he didn't want to eat so he could get more drink in.
He slept downstairs las

OP posts:
DoItAfraid · 06/05/2022 08:17

He has a drink problem.

Contact Al Anon for support for yourself and your family.

Original poster
Dani80 · 06/05/2022 08:20

Sorry I've pressed post before finishing.
He slept downstairs last night, arranged a lift to work then sent a message complaining my 18 year old walked through the room twice while he was trying to sleep.
I just don't know if I can keep putting up with all this drinking and picking arguments about silly things, complaining when I do stuff or go somewhere.
Our sex life has totally gone downhill since all this drinking started and I just don't know if I'm overreacting or if I should get out before it gets worse.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 06/05/2022 08:22

He is an alcoholic. End it. At least you’re not married.
Do you own/rent ?

crazeekat · 06/05/2022 08:23

He needs a reality check, this is not normal
Behaviour, if he doesn't admit he has a drinking habit then I would get out now before it starts to properly effect ur kids. X

Pashazade · 06/05/2022 08:26

You split now. This is only going to get worse. Start whatever you need to start today to get away from him or get him to move out.

Original poster
Dani80 · 06/05/2022 08:33

Thank you so much for your replies. I think deep down I knew I needed to get out but just needed to hear it.
@KangarooKenny we rent but the house is in my name, he moved in with me and doesn't pay much to the rent as he's never got any money from the daily alcohol and betting.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 06/05/2022 08:34

Good, kick him out !

HMRCaudit · 06/05/2022 08:35

Alcoholic and emotional abuser . Give him an ultimatum, he gets help or you leave, his choice, you and your children are suffering.

MayBeee · 06/05/2022 08:37

He needs to go , and deep down you know you don't need us to tell you that .

ResidentHortensia · 06/05/2022 08:38

Get him out of your children's home. You've been with him for 18 months, and for about 6 months he's been awful. The first year was the honeymoon period and now his true colours are showing. Don't waste any more time on him or inflict him on your children (who have had this unstable man foisted on them) any longer.

Staynow · 06/05/2022 08:38

He sounds like a loser and that you'd be far better off without him. He's fast sliding into alcoholism if he's not already there (which it sounds like he is). Drinking BEFORE work?? That sounds dangerous, what does he do for work? I hope he never drives like that or uses any machinery - I doubt he'll hold onto the job long. Anyway that won't be your problem once he's out the door.

DenholmElliot · 06/05/2022 08:59

If he's not paying his share I assume that means that you are paying his share? Wouldn't you rather put that money towards your kids? Kids are forever, boyfriends come and go.

chisanunian · 06/05/2022 09:09

Yes, well. He's got to go then, hasn't he? Don't let him drag you down, and especially don't let your children share their home, their safe space, with an alcoholic. Get rid. He's not your responsibility.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/05/2022 09:13

you were targeted by him.

You have to get him out of your home today, it’s not your problem in the event he has nowhere to go. He is an alcoholic who is and will continue to harm you and your children. You are only responsible for your own self and your children who also do not warrant such a man in your lives.

SapatSea · 06/05/2022 09:16

He's an alcoholic. Get him out of your DC's lives. They really don't deserve this - put your DC first not some bloke you met recently. He needs to want to go and get himself sorted out. Al Anon mantra - you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.

PriestessofPing · 06/05/2022 09:18

Get him out he’s a cocklodger and how dare he criticise your child for using their home when he’s the one who’s chosen to sleep on the sofa!

Flakjacketon · 06/05/2022 09:20

The question that is often posed on these threads is "what does this man add to your life?" It sounds like the answer here is nothing - in fact he is a drain.

The other theme that comes through is that drinking problems are not solved unless the person who has the problem has the will to get help. Again it sounds like he doesn't have the desire to improve.

He is starting in on your children - choose them. 💐

MarryMeTomHardy · 06/05/2022 09:24

Speaking from personal experience - get your ducks in a row and get him out ASAP.
It's great that you are not financially dependent upon him and your DC are not shared...
In a few months time life will be so much better 💐

AgentJohnson · 06/05/2022 09:58

Dear God woman! Abuses alcohol, emotionally abuses you and barely pays rent, where’s the dilemma? Get rid now, this waste of space clearly waited til the honeymoon period was over before he revealed the real him.

Original poster
Dani80 · 06/05/2022 10:01

Staynow · 06/05/2022 08:38

He sounds like a loser and that you'd be far better off without him. He's fast sliding into alcoholism if he's not already there (which it sounds like he is). Drinking BEFORE work?? That sounds dangerous, what does he do for work? I hope he never drives like that or uses any machinery - I doubt he'll hold onto the job long. Anyway that won't be your problem once he's out the door.

Surprisingly he has been in his job 10 year. He doesn't drive he has stupid old m

OP posts:
Original poster
Dani80 · 06/05/2022 10:02

Dani80 · 06/05/2022 10:01

Surprisingly he has been in his job 10 year. He doesn't drive he has stupid old m

Show quote history

Stupid old me to drive him around

OP posts:
Original poster
Dani80 · 06/05/2022 10:08

Thank you for all your replies. My kids are all older and think hes great but I guess I keep qlot from them. He was actually with his ex for about 18 months too but said he left after 2 months living with her, all her fault of course but now obviously I'm wondering if the same thing happened and she gave him the ultimatum. I've told him to go to his dads tonight, he drinks alot too. I think I'm going to pack his stuff up and just go drop it off while he's there. It hurts because I do love him but I know the hurt won't last forever and it's the best thing for me and my family

OP posts:
ResidentHortensia · 06/05/2022 12:36

Where was he living when you met him? You put a roof over his head, you pay the bills, you drive him around. What does he do? He's neither use nor ornament. Get rid and raise your bar.

frozendaisy · 06/05/2022 13:36

ResidentHortensia · 06/05/2022 08:38

Get him out of your children's home. You've been with him for 18 months, and for about 6 months he's been awful. The first year was the honeymoon period and now his true colours are showing. Don't waste any more time on him or inflict him on your children (who have had this unstable man foisted on them) any longer.

This is so neatly put.

frozendaisy · 06/05/2022 13:46

If some mere 18 month relationship man complained any of my children had moved around their own, my, our, house regardless of the reason, the mere man would be out.